My mental space the past couple weeks has been a dark, messy, funky place to hang out. I'm not sure if it's the time of year, the fact that winter just won't vanish, the lack of time in the sunshine, life stresses, exhaustion, lingering post-concussion issues... What I do know is that my natural bent right now is to hibernate and hide from the world. Yet, since I am a person and not a bear, this is not an acceptable solution.
While hibernating, my go to way to spend my time (besides napping) is reading. The book I am currently reading has provoked a lot of thought. The focus of the book is to not care about everything, just the right things so that you can really make a difference. Then on top of that to not focus on the happy, shiny places all the time seeking them out but to shift your focus to what you are doing in the hard times instead. We can't all live on the mountain top all of the time. Life is not a chronic trip to the beach. If this is our expectation, then we are setting ourselves up for a great deal of disappointment. Instead the writer encourages the focus to shift onto how you live when you are not soaring. To recognize lessons learned in life and to celebrate them on your journey.
The chapter I finished yesterday talked about choices. We make choices in every second of our lives. We are choosing to either do something or not do something. Then he shifted to owning responsibility. This can be a tough one to swallow sometimes. We live in a society that loudly plays the blame game. People everywhere are quick to point the finger at someone else and to live like they are entitled. He very clearly addressed the difference between fault and responsibility. We do not have to accept fault for everything that happens in our lives. Many things happen to us that we have absolutely no control over. BUT, we do need to accept responsibility at all time. Why? Because we are responsible for what we do in each moment in response.
I have not been making the best choices. In my funk, I have definitely reacted more than I have responded which has not helped the atmosphere in my home. I have blamed others for not making me feel totally awesome all the while trying to tell my kids that they should not let the behaviour of others impact their emotions. If they are to have control and respond, should I not be leading by example.
I have made some good choices too though. I chose to show up last week instead of hiding at home like I really wanted to. I pushed myself out into a couple social situations that my first inclination was to put on my fuzzy jammies and totally avoid. Things were by far not great but I did not give up.
With that, I am off to own my choices today and to try to embrace the lessons that I am learning. Wouldn't it be super exciting to quit having to learn the same lesson over and over! To finally get it! That's the goal here. Then I can move on to the next lesson because life is a journey and we are never done growing.
Monday, 20 March 2017
Monday, 13 March 2017
The Flip Side of Opportunities
Just finished plowing through the huge number of blogs posted this weekend. Well done team!!!
Monday is supposed to be my blog day. Even last night I was not really sure what I was going to write about but after reading the blogs this morning, I decided to share how my week has gone in light of my last blog.
Last week I shared how super excited I was with all the opportunities that were all around me. I was jumping on board left and right ready to knock my goals out of the park.
So how did the week go? I made a great deal of progress on some of my goals. I did go to knitting class and despite being teased by my family about being old, I did make a dishcloth. Technically, I have met my goal for the year. I have learned to knit and I did make a project. I am not done though! I have two more classes which means at least two more projects. For last week this was my big win.
I also had a smaller win by getting started on another personal goal that I had been previously stuck on. It's a long term one, so there will be no quick hit of adrenaline and then success on this one. Slow and steady progress - at least I am started.
As for the rest of the week, I'm not really entirely sure where it went. I was all go and crazy busy. I was eating right, getting in extra workouts, hitting my reps, working away at my goals BUT my life was really unbalanced. There were other areas that were put on hold to make this happen (Sifu Rybak's ball dropping analogy). This weekend was hard. I more or less started crashing on Saturday. Then Sunday the bottom fell out. I was an overwhelmed, anxious, stress out, exhausted, grouchy mess. Reading Sifu R. Langner's blog about pacing his goals and Ms. Kohut's blog about priorities hit me with so much to work through this morning.
I have never been great at the balancing act. One of the professionals I worked with while healing my concussion was constantly reminding me that I was not Superwoman, nor did I need to be. Realistic expectations of what I am able to accomplish in a day is something I am still practicing.
Anyways, I am off to do it ALL!!! Oh wait, no, I'm off to try to make a more realistic plan for my week that will help combat the feeling of chaos and overwhelm in my poor brain.
Monday is supposed to be my blog day. Even last night I was not really sure what I was going to write about but after reading the blogs this morning, I decided to share how my week has gone in light of my last blog.
Last week I shared how super excited I was with all the opportunities that were all around me. I was jumping on board left and right ready to knock my goals out of the park.
So how did the week go? I made a great deal of progress on some of my goals. I did go to knitting class and despite being teased by my family about being old, I did make a dishcloth. Technically, I have met my goal for the year. I have learned to knit and I did make a project. I am not done though! I have two more classes which means at least two more projects. For last week this was my big win.
I also had a smaller win by getting started on another personal goal that I had been previously stuck on. It's a long term one, so there will be no quick hit of adrenaline and then success on this one. Slow and steady progress - at least I am started.
As for the rest of the week, I'm not really entirely sure where it went. I was all go and crazy busy. I was eating right, getting in extra workouts, hitting my reps, working away at my goals BUT my life was really unbalanced. There were other areas that were put on hold to make this happen (Sifu Rybak's ball dropping analogy). This weekend was hard. I more or less started crashing on Saturday. Then Sunday the bottom fell out. I was an overwhelmed, anxious, stress out, exhausted, grouchy mess. Reading Sifu R. Langner's blog about pacing his goals and Ms. Kohut's blog about priorities hit me with so much to work through this morning.
I have never been great at the balancing act. One of the professionals I worked with while healing my concussion was constantly reminding me that I was not Superwoman, nor did I need to be. Realistic expectations of what I am able to accomplish in a day is something I am still practicing.
Anyways, I am off to do it ALL!!! Oh wait, no, I'm off to try to make a more realistic plan for my week that will help combat the feeling of chaos and overwhelm in my poor brain.
Monday, 6 March 2017
So Many Little Opportunities
Today I am really pumped about my journey! My groove isn't completely back but the consistency is coming and things are definitely headed in the right direction. My numbers are no where close to where they need to be. So why then am I so pumped? Life has handed me a huge pile of little opportunities in the past week and I have chosen to grab on to them.
The first opportunity came through a podcast I was listening to last week as I was driving. The speaker was talking about a bible study that she was putting together along with a challenge group for Lent. The focus for the 40 days of Lent was decluttering life. The challenge was to get rid of 10 things each day to make room for peace. Just the kick start I needed on my goal to deep clean and declutter my home! Definitely not a fun goal but one that I am seeing a huge need to deal with.
The next opportunity came over Facebook. A lady I know put a call out for help. She has been struggling with losing weight and was wanting to put together a month long support group to work on eating habits with the end result being weight loss. I had really cleaned up my diet last fall and had some fantastic success but then Christmas happened.... I let some bad habit slip back in.... The weight has stayed off but I still have not reached my goal. I jumped on in and that starts today.
Then as I was cleaning out my email -yes, that can be called decluttering too, I found an email from Pam's Woolly Shoppe. They have a learn to knit class starting tomorrow during the day. Just three short sessions on Tuesday mornings. Learning to knit was another goal I had set for this year. I had planned to maybe use YouTube or ask some of my knitting friends but this screamed accountability and get it done! Super excited about that one!
Then there is another personal goal that I have been struggling to get started on. Yesterday during the sermon at church, I was given different perspective on where to start and that has me excited too.
Finally, my weapon form... The idea of making up my own form was really stretching me in ways that I was not appreciating. I love to learn. I like to ask questions. I like to get answers to my questions. Making up your own form doesn't really work like that. I have been playing with them a fair amount and working through some videos trying to figure out how to do cool things without clubbing myself to death but not really much progress on stringing anything together. I wasn't overly worried about it. I had until the end of March. Then at the meeting Sifu Brinker said that they would be looking at our forms this week. Yikes! Since then I have managed to piece together a beginning and an ending and another sequence for a middle. I just need to smooth out some transitions and I have a rough beta version.
Opportunities do not have to be huge to still be opportunities. They are everywhere we look if our eyes are open and we are ready to receive them. Anyways, I am off to get ready for class!
The first opportunity came through a podcast I was listening to last week as I was driving. The speaker was talking about a bible study that she was putting together along with a challenge group for Lent. The focus for the 40 days of Lent was decluttering life. The challenge was to get rid of 10 things each day to make room for peace. Just the kick start I needed on my goal to deep clean and declutter my home! Definitely not a fun goal but one that I am seeing a huge need to deal with.
The next opportunity came over Facebook. A lady I know put a call out for help. She has been struggling with losing weight and was wanting to put together a month long support group to work on eating habits with the end result being weight loss. I had really cleaned up my diet last fall and had some fantastic success but then Christmas happened.... I let some bad habit slip back in.... The weight has stayed off but I still have not reached my goal. I jumped on in and that starts today.
Then as I was cleaning out my email -yes, that can be called decluttering too, I found an email from Pam's Woolly Shoppe. They have a learn to knit class starting tomorrow during the day. Just three short sessions on Tuesday mornings. Learning to knit was another goal I had set for this year. I had planned to maybe use YouTube or ask some of my knitting friends but this screamed accountability and get it done! Super excited about that one!
Then there is another personal goal that I have been struggling to get started on. Yesterday during the sermon at church, I was given different perspective on where to start and that has me excited too.
Finally, my weapon form... The idea of making up my own form was really stretching me in ways that I was not appreciating. I love to learn. I like to ask questions. I like to get answers to my questions. Making up your own form doesn't really work like that. I have been playing with them a fair amount and working through some videos trying to figure out how to do cool things without clubbing myself to death but not really much progress on stringing anything together. I wasn't overly worried about it. I had until the end of March. Then at the meeting Sifu Brinker said that they would be looking at our forms this week. Yikes! Since then I have managed to piece together a beginning and an ending and another sequence for a middle. I just need to smooth out some transitions and I have a rough beta version.
Opportunities do not have to be huge to still be opportunities. They are everywhere we look if our eyes are open and we are ready to receive them. Anyways, I am off to get ready for class!
Tuesday, 28 February 2017
Mental Kung Fu
I have multiple blog posts rolling around inside my head about this past week. I have been trying to mentally work through it but enough is enough and I need to just sit down and write. This really could go few ways...
I have not found my groove. Thanks for the encouraging comments and thank you to those of you who have reached out and asked. One comment stuck out to me in particular. It was from Sifu D. Regier and it was about kung fu serving us in all parts of our lives. What a beautiful reminder that I seem to need over and over again.
My physical requirements have really sat on hold this week. I have made the conscious choice to do this because I have been using all of my energy reserves to focus on mental and emotional tasks. I started the week off thinking that I just really need to focus on work and get all my deadlines met and then I could return to kung fu. Sifu's reminder has helped me reframe and see that even by focusing on my deadlines, I am using my kung fu.
Many of you know that I run my own small bookkeeping business from home. I have had many of the same clients for nearly 10 years. They have literally become like family in many cases. When I sustained my concussion back in August 2015 (that sounds forever ago), I found it very hard to work between staring at a computer screen and long periods of concentration. I was able to work with my clients to muddle through as the only other choice was to find them someone else. The doctors kept assuring me that this would just be a minor blip and that I would be good to go in weeks tops. That has not been the case.
Today I have a much different brain than I had before the accident. It is deemed fully healed and functional. Ask Sifu Beckett on her feelings about being deemed good to go, especially when your own definition of all better looks different. It is very frustrating to say the least. I am grateful that brains are always growing and changing and I have to opportunity to teach mine some new tricks still. I am still working on growing the amount of time that I can sustain concentration. Most days, I can handle about 4 hours of serious head down concentrated work (with lots of breaks). This week has required much longer periods. I have been able to double my work times but it has taken a toll. I am very emotional and struggle to form coherent, full sentences at the end of many days. This is taking a great deal of discipline (yay! Kung Fu!). I have been being very careful to fuel my body properly and hydrate to do what I can to help my brain as well.
Kung fu has given me two gifts that I have used this week. The first is discipline. Being a part of the IHC really exercises that muscle and has given me the tools to dig deep this week. The second part is ownership of my choices. Every day I have millions of choices and decisions to make. I get to make them and I get to live with the consequences of each of these choices - good and/or bad. I could have easily said that I just didn't have time to do my other requirements but that is not taking ownership of the choice, that is playing the victim. This is my journey and I choose to own it.
Anyways, before this blog takes another detour and ends up really long, I will leave it there for now. I need to get back to work. I have one more deadline for the end of the day today. I am grateful that I can work from home today which means I can perhaps even sneak in some other requirements.
I have not found my groove. Thanks for the encouraging comments and thank you to those of you who have reached out and asked. One comment stuck out to me in particular. It was from Sifu D. Regier and it was about kung fu serving us in all parts of our lives. What a beautiful reminder that I seem to need over and over again.
My physical requirements have really sat on hold this week. I have made the conscious choice to do this because I have been using all of my energy reserves to focus on mental and emotional tasks. I started the week off thinking that I just really need to focus on work and get all my deadlines met and then I could return to kung fu. Sifu's reminder has helped me reframe and see that even by focusing on my deadlines, I am using my kung fu.
Many of you know that I run my own small bookkeeping business from home. I have had many of the same clients for nearly 10 years. They have literally become like family in many cases. When I sustained my concussion back in August 2015 (that sounds forever ago), I found it very hard to work between staring at a computer screen and long periods of concentration. I was able to work with my clients to muddle through as the only other choice was to find them someone else. The doctors kept assuring me that this would just be a minor blip and that I would be good to go in weeks tops. That has not been the case.
Today I have a much different brain than I had before the accident. It is deemed fully healed and functional. Ask Sifu Beckett on her feelings about being deemed good to go, especially when your own definition of all better looks different. It is very frustrating to say the least. I am grateful that brains are always growing and changing and I have to opportunity to teach mine some new tricks still. I am still working on growing the amount of time that I can sustain concentration. Most days, I can handle about 4 hours of serious head down concentrated work (with lots of breaks). This week has required much longer periods. I have been able to double my work times but it has taken a toll. I am very emotional and struggle to form coherent, full sentences at the end of many days. This is taking a great deal of discipline (yay! Kung Fu!). I have been being very careful to fuel my body properly and hydrate to do what I can to help my brain as well.
Kung fu has given me two gifts that I have used this week. The first is discipline. Being a part of the IHC really exercises that muscle and has given me the tools to dig deep this week. The second part is ownership of my choices. Every day I have millions of choices and decisions to make. I get to make them and I get to live with the consequences of each of these choices - good and/or bad. I could have easily said that I just didn't have time to do my other requirements but that is not taking ownership of the choice, that is playing the victim. This is my journey and I choose to own it.
Anyways, before this blog takes another detour and ends up really long, I will leave it there for now. I need to get back to work. I have one more deadline for the end of the day today. I am grateful that I can work from home today which means I can perhaps even sneak in some other requirements.
Wednesday, 22 February 2017
Seeking The Groove
Confession time....
I have lost my groove!
I was in such a good place before we left for holidays. My numbers were strong. I was super busy but getting things done. I knew I had to nail it because I had planned on taking some time off from some of the goals while I focused on my family and enjoying every second with them. The plan was to jump right back in when we got home and carry on like I had never left.
So what happened? Life has been happening all over the place. Chad's constantly changing work schedule, sick kids, kids with injuries, crazy work deadlines, minor fender benders... It has been a constant stream this past week. All of the effortless effort has been temporarily lost and it really sucks.
There is beauty in where I am at right now. I know how it feels to be in the groove so I recognize that I am not. Really that is one of the first steps to fixing anything. You need to see the problem before you can set about fixing it. I have started working with others for accountability and asking for help. I did some push ups while waiting for my oatmeal to cook. Now I am writing this blog so it is really out there. I am choosing to not hide in this not so fantastic place but shine a light on it. My next step is to get off this computer and get my butt to class this morning. I have so far managed to hold life off for at least that long.
I will find my groove again. I will get back on track. This is one of those times where it is a gift that this is a journey not a destination.
I have lost my groove!
I was in such a good place before we left for holidays. My numbers were strong. I was super busy but getting things done. I knew I had to nail it because I had planned on taking some time off from some of the goals while I focused on my family and enjoying every second with them. The plan was to jump right back in when we got home and carry on like I had never left.
So what happened? Life has been happening all over the place. Chad's constantly changing work schedule, sick kids, kids with injuries, crazy work deadlines, minor fender benders... It has been a constant stream this past week. All of the effortless effort has been temporarily lost and it really sucks.
There is beauty in where I am at right now. I know how it feels to be in the groove so I recognize that I am not. Really that is one of the first steps to fixing anything. You need to see the problem before you can set about fixing it. I have started working with others for accountability and asking for help. I did some push ups while waiting for my oatmeal to cook. Now I am writing this blog so it is really out there. I am choosing to not hide in this not so fantastic place but shine a light on it. My next step is to get off this computer and get my butt to class this morning. I have so far managed to hold life off for at least that long.
I will find my groove again. I will get back on track. This is one of those times where it is a gift that this is a journey not a destination.
Friday, 17 February 2017
Unplugged & Present
As a society, we are used to having the entire world at our finger tips. It can be a wonderful thing. We can communicate with others like never before. We can access information on just about anything, anywhere and at anytime. It is expected that we can have this immediate access.
We have all heard the horror stories of people going on holidays only to return to a cell phone bill that rivaled the expense of their entire holiday. As a family, we decided that this was not an acceptable option. We talked to our provider and added an additional plan option to my husband's phone in the event that we needed to turn it on. The other two phones in the family were to remain on airplane mode for the entire trip.
One of the turned off phones was mine. And it was awesome!
Our holiday was jam packed with places to be, things to do and wonderful family time. We were up early every morning and fell into our beds at night exhausted.
On our first day at California Adventure Park we walked what felt like a million miles, rode rides, watched a fantastic play. It was pure joy to watch my family soak in everything around us. While I was watching my family, I couldn't help but notice the people around me were not doing the same thing. They were completely wrapped up in their little screens. I understand that waiting in line is not the most exciting thing on the planet. The largest culprits seemed to be the parents of small children. These kids were wired and in heaven and their parents were so busy ignoring them to even notice. The joy of all these kids brought joy to my heart as I just soaked in my environment.
This really lead me to question why people have such a hard time putting down their little devices. Why do we need that constant electronic stimulation? How much of the real world are we missing out on because our focus is elsewhere? How do I want to chose to live once I get home? What do I want my priorities to be - the people right in front of me or my Facebook feed?
I came home from my holiday feeling very connected to my family. I want that feeling to remain. I am thinking through different boundaries to place on my own screen time to make sure that my people know that I value them more than what is coming up on my little device.
I want to live in the world right in front of me and not miss a single moment.
We have all heard the horror stories of people going on holidays only to return to a cell phone bill that rivaled the expense of their entire holiday. As a family, we decided that this was not an acceptable option. We talked to our provider and added an additional plan option to my husband's phone in the event that we needed to turn it on. The other two phones in the family were to remain on airplane mode for the entire trip.
One of the turned off phones was mine. And it was awesome!
Our holiday was jam packed with places to be, things to do and wonderful family time. We were up early every morning and fell into our beds at night exhausted.
On our first day at California Adventure Park we walked what felt like a million miles, rode rides, watched a fantastic play. It was pure joy to watch my family soak in everything around us. While I was watching my family, I couldn't help but notice the people around me were not doing the same thing. They were completely wrapped up in their little screens. I understand that waiting in line is not the most exciting thing on the planet. The largest culprits seemed to be the parents of small children. These kids were wired and in heaven and their parents were so busy ignoring them to even notice. The joy of all these kids brought joy to my heart as I just soaked in my environment.
This really lead me to question why people have such a hard time putting down their little devices. Why do we need that constant electronic stimulation? How much of the real world are we missing out on because our focus is elsewhere? How do I want to chose to live once I get home? What do I want my priorities to be - the people right in front of me or my Facebook feed?
I came home from my holiday feeling very connected to my family. I want that feeling to remain. I am thinking through different boundaries to place on my own screen time to make sure that my people know that I value them more than what is coming up on my little device.
I want to live in the world right in front of me and not miss a single moment.
Monday, 6 February 2017
Flying the Coop
The Cock-A-Doodle-Do has sounded and we are now officially a week into the Year of the Rooster.
This is my third year on the team. The first year, I must admit, I was terrified about what I had gotten myself into. I decided to take the approach that the goal numbers were merely suggestions that I was working towards. I really had very little belief that it was even a possibility. Despite a few severe injuries, I learned that I was capable and that it was possible. The second year, I went in injured and on medical restrictions that made for a slow start. The year was a definite roller coaster ride but I learned a lot about myself in the process. Neither year did I meet my goals.
This year is different. I am healthy. I know that I can do this. I am determined. I have had a solid first week. My numbers, in most cases, are right where they need to be. I have not dug any holes for myself to dig out of. This year I needed to have a strong start, to hit the road running. I had a little extra incentive to get that first week done right.
In less than 24 hours I am boarding a plane for California!!!!! And I'm super excited about that sitting here looking out into that deep freeze we call the outdoors.
I worked hard last week so that I could release myself for the next 10 days to focus on having a blast with my family. I can guarantee you that I will be getting in the kms. We will be doing a ton of walking. As for the rest of the requirements, I am making no promises. (That is except for my weapons form, which will not be happening. I have been advised to not take my nunchuks with me to the States for some reason...) Georgia has been given the homework to do push ups with Mickey so we will have to see if he will accommodate that. I will fit in what I can and will work really hard when I get home to pick up the slack. Thankfully it is early in the year.
Unless I see you today at the kwoon, I will see you on the 16th at class!
This is my third year on the team. The first year, I must admit, I was terrified about what I had gotten myself into. I decided to take the approach that the goal numbers were merely suggestions that I was working towards. I really had very little belief that it was even a possibility. Despite a few severe injuries, I learned that I was capable and that it was possible. The second year, I went in injured and on medical restrictions that made for a slow start. The year was a definite roller coaster ride but I learned a lot about myself in the process. Neither year did I meet my goals.
This year is different. I am healthy. I know that I can do this. I am determined. I have had a solid first week. My numbers, in most cases, are right where they need to be. I have not dug any holes for myself to dig out of. This year I needed to have a strong start, to hit the road running. I had a little extra incentive to get that first week done right.
In less than 24 hours I am boarding a plane for California!!!!! And I'm super excited about that sitting here looking out into that deep freeze we call the outdoors.
I worked hard last week so that I could release myself for the next 10 days to focus on having a blast with my family. I can guarantee you that I will be getting in the kms. We will be doing a ton of walking. As for the rest of the requirements, I am making no promises. (That is except for my weapons form, which will not be happening. I have been advised to not take my nunchuks with me to the States for some reason...) Georgia has been given the homework to do push ups with Mickey so we will have to see if he will accommodate that. I will fit in what I can and will work really hard when I get home to pick up the slack. Thankfully it is early in the year.
Unless I see you today at the kwoon, I will see you on the 16th at class!
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