Lessons in the Funk

My mental space the past couple weeks has been a dark, messy, funky place to hang out.  I'm not sure if it's the time of year, the fact that winter just won't vanish, the lack of time in the sunshine, life stresses, exhaustion, lingering post-concussion issues...  What I do know is that my natural bent right now is to hibernate and hide from the world.  Yet, since I am a person and not a bear, this is not an acceptable solution.


While hibernating, my go to way to spend my time (besides napping) is reading.  The book I am currently reading has provoked a lot of thought.  The focus of the book is to not care about everything, just the right things so that you can really make a difference.  Then on top of that to not focus on the happy, shiny places all the time seeking them out but to shift your focus to what you are doing in the hard times instead.  We can't all live on the mountain top all of the time.  Life is not a chronic trip to the beach.  If this is our expectation, then we are setting ourselves up for a great deal of disappointment.  Instead the writer encourages the focus to shift onto how you live when you are not soaring.  To recognize lessons learned in life and to celebrate them on your journey.


The chapter I finished yesterday talked about choices.  We make choices in every second of our lives.  We are choosing to either do something or not do something.  Then he shifted to owning responsibility.  This can be a tough one to swallow sometimes.  We live in a society that loudly plays the blame game.  People everywhere are quick to point the finger at someone else and to live like they are entitled.  He very clearly addressed the difference between fault and responsibility.  We do not have to accept fault for everything that happens in our lives.  Many things happen to us that we have absolutely no control over.  BUT, we do need to accept responsibility at all time.  Why?  Because we are responsible for what we do in each moment in response.


I have not been making the best choices.  In my funk, I have definitely reacted more than I have responded which has not helped the atmosphere in my home.  I have blamed others for not making me feel totally awesome all the while trying to tell my kids that they should not let the behaviour of others impact their emotions.  If they are to have control and respond, should I not be leading by example.


I have made some good choices too though.  I chose to show up last week instead of hiding at home like I really wanted to.  I pushed myself out into a couple social situations that my first inclination was to put on my fuzzy jammies and totally avoid.  Things were by far not great but I did not give up.


With that, I am off to own my choices today and to try to embrace the lessons that I am learning.  Wouldn't it be super exciting to quit having to learn the same lesson over and over!  To finally get it!  That's the goal here.  Then I can move on to the next lesson because life is a journey and we are never done growing.