Gratitude in the Storm

Lately every day has felt like a battle in the ring.  Life has been throwing knock out punch after knock out punch.  I am feeling very knocked around but I keep getting back up.  I know that I have not been my usual self.  Here's a glimpse into the mess I've been battling.


Last week, I started Monday off with my blog.  I had my life lessons and goals in front of me.  I had an opportunity to go listen to my girl sing with her choir - the voices of sweet angels.  I was nailing it, that is until my mom texted.  My Uncle passed away unexpectedly earlier that day.  The rest of the day felt like a bit of a blur.


Last month my Grandmother was diagnosed with bladder cancer.  This woman is tough as nails and has beat cancer before.  We've watched a close family friend fight this same cancer and appears to be winning the battle.  As a family, we know first hand that this is a difficult battle but were choosing to be optimistic.  Wednesday she was scheduled for her first surgery to go in and take a good look and remove what they could.  She came though the procedure like a the strong woman that she is.


Thursday our optimism took a significant blow.  The doctors did remove what they felt they could.  They did say that if she had been in her 50s instead of in her 90s, they would have removed her entire bladder.  Due to her age, they made a quality of life decision instead.  They are in the process of figuring out just how aggressive this particular cancer is.  Right now the stance being taken is a focus on quality of life instead of beating this cancer at all costs.  Even when you understand the reasons for the decision, it is still hard to swallow. 


Add to this that we are discovering more and more as Grandma is away at the hospital that my Grandfather's mind is failing quickly.  Bless their hearts, they have been thick as thieves hiding mental and physical issues from the world.  They have been married over 70 years and had decided that they were going to take on the world so that they could stay in their home.  It is becoming more and more apparent to everyone that this is not an option for much longer.  So many heartbreaking decisions that need to be made.


I feel like life is a total storm right now.  I feel like I can't take too many more punches.  Yet in all of this, I am working to focus on gratitude.  I have so much to be grateful for.  It is the good things in life that help me to get back up off the mats after yet another punch.  Besides the obvious things like faith, family and health, one of the things I am so grateful for is kung fu and the IHC.  It gives me an outlet and structure when my days are blurry and messy.  It has given me another family and support network when things are hard.


That all said, I am sad to say that I will not be at the meeting on Saturday.  I find the meetings so beneficial.  It is like family therapy and I always come out of them ready to conquer the next month.  Instead at that same time, I will be in Calgary celebrating the life of my Uncle.  I will be where I most need to be and where my Mom also most needs me to be.  I'm not exactly sure when we will be heading south but we will be around the kwoon as always this week until we leave.


Now off to breath in life and gratitude.  It's what is keeping me moving forward.