Mental Kung Fu

I have multiple blog posts rolling around inside my head about this past week.  I have been trying to mentally work through it but enough is enough and I need to just sit down and write.  This really could go few ways...


I have not found my groove.  Thanks for the encouraging comments and thank you to those of you who have reached out and asked.  One comment stuck out to me in particular.  It was from Sifu D. Regier and it was about kung fu serving us in all parts of our lives.  What a beautiful reminder that I seem to need over and over again.


My physical requirements have really sat on hold this week.  I have made the conscious choice to do this because I have been using all of my energy reserves to focus on mental and emotional tasks.  I started the week off thinking that I just really need to focus on work and get all my deadlines met and then I could return to kung fu.  Sifu's reminder has helped me reframe and see that even by focusing on my deadlines, I am using my kung fu.


Many of you know that I run my own small bookkeeping business from home.  I have had many of the same clients for nearly 10 years.  They have literally become like family in many cases.  When I sustained my concussion back in August 2015 (that sounds forever ago), I found it very hard to work between staring at a computer screen and long periods of concentration.  I was able to work with my clients to muddle through as the only other choice was to find them someone else.  The doctors kept assuring me that this would just be a minor blip and that I would be good to go in weeks tops.  That has not been the case.


Today I have a much different brain than I had before the accident.  It is deemed fully healed and functional.  Ask Sifu Beckett on her feelings about being deemed good to go, especially when your own definition of all better looks different.  It is very frustrating to say the least.  I am grateful that brains are always growing and changing and I have to opportunity to teach mine some new tricks still.  I am still working on growing the amount of time that I can sustain concentration.  Most days, I can handle about 4 hours of serious head down concentrated work (with lots of breaks).  This week has required much longer periods.  I have been able to double my work times but it has taken a toll.  I am very emotional and struggle to form coherent, full sentences at the end of many days.  This is taking a great deal of discipline (yay!  Kung Fu!).  I have been being very careful to fuel my body properly and hydrate to do what I can to help my brain as well.


Kung fu has given me two gifts that I have used this week.  The first is discipline.  Being a part of the IHC really exercises that muscle and has given me the tools to dig deep this week.  The second part is ownership of my choices.  Every day I have millions of choices and decisions to make.  I get to make them and I get to live with the consequences of each of these choices - good and/or bad.  I could have easily said that I just didn't have time to do my other requirements but that is not taking ownership of the choice, that is playing the victim.  This is my journey and I choose to own it.


Anyways, before this blog takes another detour and ends up really long, I will leave it there for now.  I need to get back to work.  I have one more deadline for the end of the day today.  I am grateful that I can work from home today which means I can perhaps even sneak in some other requirements.