It's an Epidemic!

The past couple weeks have had a great deal to ponder.  My numbers have been slipping further and further in a direction that needs to be redirected immediately.  I did have a couple bad days that were a result of illness but not all of my days with blank squares can be attributed to a valid reason.  Bad weeks can be great depending on what you do after them.


So back to the epidemic!  Our goal is mastery or, as Sifu Brinker encourages us to define it, as eliminating mediocrity.  My past couple weeks have been filled with mediocre living.  Our world is full of mediocre living.  It is an epidemic!


In my ponderings, I have discovered what I believe to be the number one public enemy in my life to the elimination of mediocrity.  I have been watching my family - same issue.  Public enemy number one is a simple word, a word we all us each and every day.  "Later....."


I will do my pushups later...  I will do my situps later...  I will practice my forms later...  I will write that blog later...  And on and on it goes...  And that is just my kung fu laters.


So when is later...  I have actually started asking my kids this when they give me that answer.  Lucky for them, they have someone who is starting to figure out this trap.  Don't get me wrong.  Later truly has a place in our lives.  We all have extremely full lives and not a single one of us can do everything we have on our plates right now.  Later is a fact of life.  What is dangerous is when later is left undefined - it just never comes.


So what am I doing with my laters...  I am starting to ask myself the same questions that I've been asking my kids.  First I'm trying to determine if what I am doing in the moment has a valid place in my journey towards mastery and then I'm trying to define when that later will actually happen.  I am waging a war against this epidemic one question, one step at a time.

One Step at a Time...

With the start of a new IHC year comes new goals & new challenges. Personally, the start of this year has not been easy. I am so grateful to have Kung fu. I have used it as a distraction and definitely a coping mechanism lately (my kung fu family is one of my greatest support networks).   Thank you all!

Sifu Brinker asked at the meeting how our weapons forms are going. This year I chose the Tai Chi Broadsword form. I am really enjoying it. It has been really therapeutic and a wonderful change of pace from last year. I think I have most of the moves learned. There is a lot of tweaking left to do but I'm feeling pretty good about where I am at right now.


Now for a funny story...  I actually wrote that last paragraph last week before our IHC class.  At that class I found out that I was indeed doing a form, we just were not sure what form it was...  Many, many thanks go out to Sifu Hayes and Ms. Tomie.  After two more hours of instruction, I believe that I now indeed have most of the moves in the right order and in the right places.

My hand form is a completed different story. The Beckett's recommended Tai He for me this year. It is a very cool form. The learning on this one has been much slower though. It is a completely different style of movement than I am used to and the adjustment is proving to be a challenge.  This has the potential to be it's very own blog post in the near future, so I will leave it be at that.


I also have some interesting personal goals that I am working on.  Right now the biggest personal challenges are in the areas of mending relationships and piano.  Also blog posts for another day.


All that said, I do have a ton going on.  My world has felt very upside down and crazy.  To be honest, since the accident I have felt like I've been living in survival mode most of the time and that is not where dreams are dreamed and achieved.  My numbers this week really reflected that struggle.  Today I will chose to put those not so stellar numbers behind and start fresh - an exercise that I need to do each and every day.  I have some dreams to chase and goals to achieve!

A Life Well Lived

The ups and downs of the past few weeks have given me a lot to think about.  Life is short.  Life is precious.  Life is meant to be lived.


I want to thank all of you for your love and support the past few weeks.  Thank you for your kind words.  Thank you for your hugs.  Thank you for not hugging when it would have been too hard.


My sweet warrior friend Julie had a beautiful end to her story.  Last weekend she was dealt news that she had fought hard to not hear for over five years.  Her beloved husband reached out to a community to grant her one last wish.  The campaign went absolutely viral.  Her final wish was granted.  She was flown home on Wednesday.  The smile on her face as she was photographed in Toronto getting ready to leave spoke volumes.  She made it home that day.  She spent her son's birthday with him.  She was able to visit and be loved on by those closest to her.  Despite her strong will to live, her lungs were not able to keep up with that will.  She breathed her last breath last night.


I was blessed to be able to watch her live every day knowing that each minute is precious.  It is a perspective that those of us who are blessed with our health tend to take for granted.  She loved well.  She made memories. She truly lived. 


Our natural tendency in life seems to be not to realize how fragile our very existence is.  We don't dream.  We don't step out of our comfort zones.  We waste so much time.  This is why I am so grateful that I signed up for the I Ho Chuan program again this year.  If you use the tools that it provides, it helps us fight these natural tendencies.  The road to mastery is really marked by a journey towards truly living fully.

From Seriously??? To Amazed!!!!

I want to start by thanking everyone for all the love and encouragement this past week.  It means more than I can put into words.  Thank you!


Now for this week's blog.  I have two stories to tell.  Both speak to kindness shown by the people in our community.  One is of extreme disappointment, the other leaves me utterly speechless (oh and in tears again)....


Last Tuesday night during rush hour traffic there was a fender bender on 16A on the east end of Spruce Grove.  My husband came upon this accident.  It was not a serious accident.  Normally he would have just driven right on past but that night he noticed that one of the vehicles had been driven by a young woman.  That young woman had two small children.  As he was driving by he saw her struggling to get out her stroller in the middle lane of 16A so that she could hope to corral her little people.  He immediately turned back around and parked his truck behind her car and provided a warm place for her and her children to sit while they waited for the police and everyone else to come.  He was delighted by tales from the older one who happen to be "tree years old".  At the end of it all he drove them home.


While he was sitting there, he noticed how many people drove by.  He noticed the rubber neckers.  What he noticed that bothered him the most was how many people drove by videoing it all on their cell phones.  This was not a spectacular accident, just a fender bender, not video worthy at all.  He was utterly shocked that there was not another one as people made their way past.  Another thing he noticed was who did not stop.  He was driving his company truck.  At least three other trucks from the same company drove by the accident.  It surprised him that people would not stop for a co-worker who may be in need.  When he did finally get home, he was feeling great about how he helped out yet disappointed in others.


Then the emails started the next day.  Not only had the co-workers just driven on past, they had reported the accident at work.  Once Chad explained the real story, he was commended for his actions and thanked.  He is still disappointed in the behaviour of others.


This left me feeling a little jaded and upset as well.  I am super proud to be married to the kind of man who stops when he sees someone in need.  Yet it left me thinking of how often people miss opportunities to show kindness.  His act was not extraordinary, it was just perfectly timed.


This leads me to the second story.  This week my sweet warrior friend was delivered the news that they had all been suspecting but prayed was not true.  Her cancer treatments were ineffective.  Her cancer has continued to spread.  There is nothing more that the medical community can do for her except help keep her as comfortable as possible for the time she has left, which they do not suspect is long.  Their hearts desire was to not have to spend that time in Toronto.  Her number one dying wish is to come back home to die.  In order to do this, she would need a medivac which seemed beyond what they could afford.  Her husband reached out to our community through a GoFundMe campaign to ask for some assistance with the costs.  The response in the short 24 hours that it has been live has been nothing short of amazing.  The love that this community has shown this amazing family is beyond what anyone had hoped.  Her campaign has gone viral.  Complete strangers have been moved by her story and are giving.  They now have all the money they need to bring her home.  I am just waiting to hear that she is on her way.  The hope is that they can give their son the ultimate birthday present - a huge hug from his mama.  His seventh birthday is tomorrow.


I encourage each of you to go to the GoFundMe page.  I am not asking you to give.  I am asking you to read her story told by her husband.  He tells the story of love, commitment, struggle, fight and heartbreak in ways that only someone who has walked this story can.  Julie is an amazing warrior.  She has blessed everyone who has had the opportunity to be around her.  Her smile, her zeal for life, her heart for others despite her own battles is inspiring.  In a world of mediocrity, she shines out as someone who has stood in constant battle to live a life of meaning and purpose.  Her story is amazing and I feel blessed to call her a friend. 


https://www.gofundme.com/juliecrawford

A Tear Here, A Tear There, A Tear Everywhere...

Before I get into the main part of this blog, I need to give a serious shout out to some amazing people.  Sifu Krebs, Sifu Fuhr, Sifu Vanderham and Sifu Csillag - your journeys this year have been beyond amazing and inspiring to watch.  Congrats!  Sifu Vantuil and Sifu Regier - your promotions are so deserved.  Both of you are such amazing mentors.  Thank you.  Sifu Csillag and Mr. Sollinger - you both were very much the backbone of last year's team.  Congrats!  To the rest of the Sheep Team - you rocked this year's banquet.  It has been an honour and privilege to train with you.


Now for the hard part...  To be honest, this is not a blog I want to write but this is a blog that I need to write.  One of the mandates of the IHC program is to live out your journey publicly. 


The past few days, I have been super emotional.  It has been a constant fight and balancing act to keep my concussion symptoms at bay while still trying to live.  Saturday was especially tough.  It was a long, long day.  I was able to cover the headache over with the help of my good friend Advil but the fatigue and rogue emotions could find no helper.  Demo practice on Saturday was hard, painful and only a little bloody.  Not a great way to head into the banquet.  My nerves were on edge and my emotions were all over the place.


The lion and dragon dance were incredible.  The story powerful.  The story hard and emotional.  The story was personal because of who it was about.  It was also personal because of a story I will share later in this blog, one that is still currently unfolding.  Tears...


The candidate speeches were inspiring.  Each speech brought me to tears.  To watch the journey's of these incredible people.  To know them is such a blessing.  The younger two really brought out the mama in me as I know their mama's well.  Yup, tears...


The IHC demo - you guys rocked it!  For me it was a major victory to just participate.  This past year has been hard.  The form I chose was hard.  Constantly fighting back from injuries was hard.  I wanted this demo to so badly go just right.  I wanted to keep my staff in my hands.  I wanted to perform it the way that Guiness gets to see it on the driveway.  But, Guiness will be the one that has seen my form at it's best and the rest of the world will get what I was able to do.  That night my form really embodied my entire year.  It did not run smoothly.  I had to pause and regroup a couple times.  I had to pick myself up and move on.  I had to finish.  The entire performance felt like a battle, much like this year.  To say that I was disappointed with my own performance that night would not be an understatement.


Since that performance, I have had many people come up to me and compliment my form.  Although I did not give the performance that I desired - I still showed the hard work that went into this year.  I was not able to do any of the moves in the form a year ago.  There are still moves that I took out of the form that I still can't do even remotely consistently.  I do have some unfinished business with that form but I am happy to set it aside for now to focus on some new goals.  With time, I would like to return and revisit this one.


The night was draining and to be honest, I was barely functioning by the time the cleanup at the hall was completed.  All I could think about was getting home to bed.  I did not want to bother with all the lights going through Stony so I chose to take 16A home.  We get just a little way down the road and there is a horrible accident.  Just seeing the lights, emergency vehicles, smashed vehicles sent me into a state of anxiety.  It brought back so many feelings from last August.  I did not want my kids to see what was going on.   They still have anxiety as well about what could have happened.  All I could think about was getting away from there as fast as I could.  I got us home.  More tears...


Now to find out that Sifu Krebs and his sweet son Everett were there, it is hard to put into words.  I wish that I had not have panicked and that I had been mindful to look around.  I am so thankful that they walked away physically unhurt and my prayer is that they will be able to move on mentally as well.  I know how scaring and frightening this must be, especially to a child.


I know this is getting long but now for the hardest part.  I have a brave, beautiful warrior friend who is currently in the hospital fighting Stage 4 cancer.  Her fight has been long and hard.  She was offered the opportunity to go to Toronto and to be part of a research study for a very aggressive treatment.  I was blessed to sit down with her and share a Booster Juice and clean her kitchen for her at the end of December.  The plan was to get to Toronto, do the treatments and get back home by the end of January.  Life has not gone as planned.  Her recovery from the treatments has been hard.  At the beginning of February she coded and was placed in the ICU.  She was not breathing on her own and her hubbie was told she had days at best.  She pulled through.  Things looked like they were heading in the right direction.  Then last week they discovered internal bleeding and a malignant ulcer.


During the lion/dragon dance, the story told makes me think of both the warriors in my life who have had to fight to live.  It is hard.  It is heart wrenching.  It brings me to tears.


What I did not know at the time was that this dear sweet warrior friend was being taken back to ICU as the dance was being performed that night.   She is once again intubated.  Last I heard she was still initiating all of her own breathes.  Lots of tears...


It has been an emotional week.  Through the tears, I am trying to stay focused.  It is a challenge and at times, the tears win out.  Taking a deep breathe and taking one step forward at a time.

What Was I Thinking?

For much of the past week, this has been the a nearly constant question running through my mind.  The Year of the Sheep is winding up and there is so much unfinished business.  This year has been a roller coaster ride to say the least.  The pressures have seemed manageable until this last week.  The banquet is looming...


What was I thinking when I chose Sifu Playter's staff form?!?  Sure it is super cool and really who wouldn't want to learn it BUT...  The but here is that I have jumped in.  I have worked hard but right now it does not feel like I have worked hard enough.  My version of this super cool form is still very much a work in progress.  The banquet is less than a week away and I do not feel even a little ready to perform.

This has been very much aggravated by my next what was I thinking.  On Wednesday I had a physio appointment.  I went into the appointment feeling really pretty good.  I felt quite good for the entire appointment.  We pushed much further than the week before.  Then about half way home my poor brain crashed.  I spent the rest of the day flat on the couch with a wicked headache, nausea, dizziness and serious fog.  These symptoms finally started to clear on Saturday.  What was I thinking when I pushed through the appointment?


This lead to two demo practices that were not very positive experiences.  Thursday night I got turned around and completely forgot my form.  Even laying in bed that night, I could not remember it.  On Friday practice went better.  I was able to remember my form but it really wasn't not something I was proud to put out in front of the team, especially with only a week to go. 


Circular thinking...  Back to the first what was I thinking.  Not a great cycle to be caught in.


Thankfully I was able to get to the kwoon early before tai chi on Saturday.  I was able to run through my form a few times and it felt so much better.  Now just to figure out how to do that when the pressure is on.  I do know that I am going to cancel my physio appointment for Friday.  I will not risk another crash this close to the banquet.


I am still not to a place where I can stop asking the question but I am in a much better place than I was a few days ago.

Good bye Yellow, Hello Orange

I remember the day my sweet girl received her yellow belt.  She was full of excitement.  She was moving up to a new class.  Lots of new techniques to learn.  So much promise...

The reality set in.  The new class had her at the kwoon until her bedtime.  The new skills she needed to learn seemed overwhelming and some nights impossible - mostly because she was too tired.  It didn't take long for her excitement to turn to discouragement.  I tried everything to encourage her.  All of the Sifus in her class also tried everything they could.  Finally the day came when I knew that I couldn't force her to come to class any longer.  She walked away from kung fu.

Now, part of being in our family allowed her to step off the mats but it did not allow her to leave the kwoon.  She tried gymnastics and skating but just didn't find her place.  In the meantime, she sat on the bench during classes or in the changeroom waiting for class to end.  Finally after about 11 months of watching she asked if she could come out on the mats one day during open training.  That day she said something that I never thought she would say.  She was ready to go back to kung fu. 

We did not waste any time.  We had her back on the mats that Tuesday night.  This time around things were different.  She was still tired.  Really, that class still ends too close to bedtime.  The main difference was that after looking through the curriculum, she decided that this time it was doable.  She worked hard.  She stretched herself.  She competed at the Tiger Challenge and nailed her form.  She kept working hard and her hard work paid off.

Her opportunity to shine before Sifu Brinker was scheduled for this weekend.  She was excited and nervous but ready.  Then a brutal cold hit last weekend.  No problem.  She had a week to get over it.  Lots of fruit and vitamins!  Then on Thursday, she started having symptoms that were much more flu like.  Poor thing was so sick on Friday and devastated at the thought of having to wait another month to grade.  Saturday morning came and she did manage to hold down a little food and we decided she could go for it.

Black Dragon Grading February 2016

My sweet girl was amazing at grading.  Knowing how horrible she had been feeling and how horrible she was still feeling, I held my breathe through most of it - especially the squat thrusts.  Really not the most friendly move when you are struggling with nausea and dizzies...  I am so grateful for the encouragement of the instructors.  I am so grateful that Sifu Brinker pushed those squat thrusts to the very last.  I am so proud of my girl!

After grading, she went through her next curriculum and has already started forming her next plan of attack.  After that we cuddled up on my bed and had the best nap ever.  Today she is still running a fever and is having trouble eating BUT she has a bright orange belt that she worked hard for.  She is in the middle of an inspiring journey and I love that I get a front row seat!