What Was I Thinking?

For much of the past week, this has been the a nearly constant question running through my mind.  The Year of the Sheep is winding up and there is so much unfinished business.  This year has been a roller coaster ride to say the least.  The pressures have seemed manageable until this last week.  The banquet is looming...


What was I thinking when I chose Sifu Playter's staff form?!?  Sure it is super cool and really who wouldn't want to learn it BUT...  The but here is that I have jumped in.  I have worked hard but right now it does not feel like I have worked hard enough.  My version of this super cool form is still very much a work in progress.  The banquet is less than a week away and I do not feel even a little ready to perform.

This has been very much aggravated by my next what was I thinking.  On Wednesday I had a physio appointment.  I went into the appointment feeling really pretty good.  I felt quite good for the entire appointment.  We pushed much further than the week before.  Then about half way home my poor brain crashed.  I spent the rest of the day flat on the couch with a wicked headache, nausea, dizziness and serious fog.  These symptoms finally started to clear on Saturday.  What was I thinking when I pushed through the appointment?


This lead to two demo practices that were not very positive experiences.  Thursday night I got turned around and completely forgot my form.  Even laying in bed that night, I could not remember it.  On Friday practice went better.  I was able to remember my form but it really wasn't not something I was proud to put out in front of the team, especially with only a week to go. 


Circular thinking...  Back to the first what was I thinking.  Not a great cycle to be caught in.


Thankfully I was able to get to the kwoon early before tai chi on Saturday.  I was able to run through my form a few times and it felt so much better.  Now just to figure out how to do that when the pressure is on.  I do know that I am going to cancel my physio appointment for Friday.  I will not risk another crash this close to the banquet.


I am still not to a place where I can stop asking the question but I am in a much better place than I was a few days ago.