A Tear Here, A Tear There, A Tear Everywhere...

Before I get into the main part of this blog, I need to give a serious shout out to some amazing people.  Sifu Krebs, Sifu Fuhr, Sifu Vanderham and Sifu Csillag - your journeys this year have been beyond amazing and inspiring to watch.  Congrats!  Sifu Vantuil and Sifu Regier - your promotions are so deserved.  Both of you are such amazing mentors.  Thank you.  Sifu Csillag and Mr. Sollinger - you both were very much the backbone of last year's team.  Congrats!  To the rest of the Sheep Team - you rocked this year's banquet.  It has been an honour and privilege to train with you.


Now for the hard part...  To be honest, this is not a blog I want to write but this is a blog that I need to write.  One of the mandates of the IHC program is to live out your journey publicly. 


The past few days, I have been super emotional.  It has been a constant fight and balancing act to keep my concussion symptoms at bay while still trying to live.  Saturday was especially tough.  It was a long, long day.  I was able to cover the headache over with the help of my good friend Advil but the fatigue and rogue emotions could find no helper.  Demo practice on Saturday was hard, painful and only a little bloody.  Not a great way to head into the banquet.  My nerves were on edge and my emotions were all over the place.


The lion and dragon dance were incredible.  The story powerful.  The story hard and emotional.  The story was personal because of who it was about.  It was also personal because of a story I will share later in this blog, one that is still currently unfolding.  Tears...


The candidate speeches were inspiring.  Each speech brought me to tears.  To watch the journey's of these incredible people.  To know them is such a blessing.  The younger two really brought out the mama in me as I know their mama's well.  Yup, tears...


The IHC demo - you guys rocked it!  For me it was a major victory to just participate.  This past year has been hard.  The form I chose was hard.  Constantly fighting back from injuries was hard.  I wanted this demo to so badly go just right.  I wanted to keep my staff in my hands.  I wanted to perform it the way that Guiness gets to see it on the driveway.  But, Guiness will be the one that has seen my form at it's best and the rest of the world will get what I was able to do.  That night my form really embodied my entire year.  It did not run smoothly.  I had to pause and regroup a couple times.  I had to pick myself up and move on.  I had to finish.  The entire performance felt like a battle, much like this year.  To say that I was disappointed with my own performance that night would not be an understatement.


Since that performance, I have had many people come up to me and compliment my form.  Although I did not give the performance that I desired - I still showed the hard work that went into this year.  I was not able to do any of the moves in the form a year ago.  There are still moves that I took out of the form that I still can't do even remotely consistently.  I do have some unfinished business with that form but I am happy to set it aside for now to focus on some new goals.  With time, I would like to return and revisit this one.


The night was draining and to be honest, I was barely functioning by the time the cleanup at the hall was completed.  All I could think about was getting home to bed.  I did not want to bother with all the lights going through Stony so I chose to take 16A home.  We get just a little way down the road and there is a horrible accident.  Just seeing the lights, emergency vehicles, smashed vehicles sent me into a state of anxiety.  It brought back so many feelings from last August.  I did not want my kids to see what was going on.   They still have anxiety as well about what could have happened.  All I could think about was getting away from there as fast as I could.  I got us home.  More tears...


Now to find out that Sifu Krebs and his sweet son Everett were there, it is hard to put into words.  I wish that I had not have panicked and that I had been mindful to look around.  I am so thankful that they walked away physically unhurt and my prayer is that they will be able to move on mentally as well.  I know how scaring and frightening this must be, especially to a child.


I know this is getting long but now for the hardest part.  I have a brave, beautiful warrior friend who is currently in the hospital fighting Stage 4 cancer.  Her fight has been long and hard.  She was offered the opportunity to go to Toronto and to be part of a research study for a very aggressive treatment.  I was blessed to sit down with her and share a Booster Juice and clean her kitchen for her at the end of December.  The plan was to get to Toronto, do the treatments and get back home by the end of January.  Life has not gone as planned.  Her recovery from the treatments has been hard.  At the beginning of February she coded and was placed in the ICU.  She was not breathing on her own and her hubbie was told she had days at best.  She pulled through.  Things looked like they were heading in the right direction.  Then last week they discovered internal bleeding and a malignant ulcer.


During the lion/dragon dance, the story told makes me think of both the warriors in my life who have had to fight to live.  It is hard.  It is heart wrenching.  It brings me to tears.


What I did not know at the time was that this dear sweet warrior friend was being taken back to ICU as the dance was being performed that night.   She is once again intubated.  Last I heard she was still initiating all of her own breathes.  Lots of tears...


It has been an emotional week.  Through the tears, I am trying to stay focused.  It is a challenge and at times, the tears win out.  Taking a deep breathe and taking one step forward at a time.