One of my personal goals this year was to learn to play the piano. I had taken lessons as a child and had even passed my grade 3 Royal Conservatory exam. My mom told me I could quit if I passed my exam and that is exactly what I did. At the time I did not miss it. I filled my time with other pursuits. It was only as an adult that I started to look back with some regrets. Were my parents wrong to let me quit? Absolutely not! At the time my passion was skating and to properly pursue the goals I set in that part of my life, there was not enough room to be fighting over playing an instrument.
Last spring my little lady approached me about wanting to learn piano. Really, it was not the first time that she asked. I kept putting her off. I remembered the fights over practicing. I did not want to inflict the same situation on our home. Then to top it all off - we did not have a piano. After much begging and pleading, we finally agreed to let her try summer lessons thinking that this would be short lived. She is absolutely amazing. The teacher we found is absolutely amazing. Before long, I was really wanting to get in on the action too.
In the fall, I started taking lessons every other week. Then I was finding that I wanted more so we moved up to weekly lessons. Then when it was time to set my goals for this year - piano was an obvious one.
So why am I breathing a sigh of relief... Today was the year end recital. Little one started working on a song in January to play. She worked crazy hard. The song was really a huge step up in ability for her and she attacked it. Then a couple weeks ago she started getting cold feet. She tried playing it on the grand piano in the church sanctuary where her recital would be and she struggled. All of a sudden she wanted to back out of her goal in the final stretch. Then she had this bright idea... If I was going to encourage her to play at the recital, then she would do the same for me.
Yikes! This left me in a terrible position. I really, really did not want to play in the recital. The idea of doing things in public makes want to run for cover. I had been working on lots of different songs and really did not have anything that I felt was even close to ready. BUT... How do I tell her she should do it and then in the next breathe say that I am unwilling...
Today she walked up to the front of the room. She sat down at that piano and she played her song beautifully. I was such a super proud momma! Then a few minutes later I walked up to the front of that same room. I sat down at that piano and I played my song. She was one proud little girl.
Sunday 31 May 2015
Friday 29 May 2015
Week 14 - Pandamonium
Last Saturday was Pandamonium. I love this event. I love everything it stands for. I love watching my kung fu family come together to make a difference in our world. I love the impact it has on the people who choose to participate. I love that the results touch lives all around the world. That's a lot of love for one event....
This was the first year that I had the opportunity to be more involved in this event. I must apologize to my team mates. I was not as involved in the planning and execution of the event as I would have liked to have been. I am the kind of person who likes to jump in and help out and if I say I'm going to do something, I do my best to do just that. The past couple weeks I have been feeling very under the weather between some sort of viral bug and allergies. I had committed to helping with the game and at one point I was even unsure if that would be possible. Last Wednesday, I had almost completely lost my voice. Not really the best situation when you are trying to herd kids through the chaos that is the game... There were many calls out for help on the group and I did not respond. I am sorry for that. I did not want to commit and then let people down. I did show up whenever I felt able to help out. As it turned out, Saturday I was actually feeling pretty good. The game was a blast. I think the kids all had a ton of fun. I was even able to spend some time on the mats in the afternoon. The people who made the most of this opportunity really inspired me and I am looking forward to next year.
For me, one of the highlights to Pandamonium this year was that my parents attended the event for the first time. They have struggled to support our families engagement with kung fu. They have especially struggled this past year with my additional involvement and then my injury. They cannot understand why we would be involved in such an aggressive sport where you teach hitting. I have tried to explain the other side of kung fu, the side that is emphasized at our school. I have tried to explain the empathy, community involvement, the pursuit of mastery, the larger picture that kung fu can be. For people who do not step into the kwoon and experience this, it is hard for them to understand how teaching the physical can be intertwined with the other lessons. They have also struggled with supporting the Pandamonium financially. I'm not sure they thought that the charities were actually benefitting. They felt that it was a ploy to get someone else their tax receipt. There has been a lot of negativity over the years. This past weekend was a significant breakthrough. My biological family had the opportunity to see my kung fu family at their finest. They were able to see the charities and see how grateful they are for the real support that they receive. They were able to see the love that the people in our small community have for one another. My sweet 3 year old nephew played the game with my son and had a blast. The game in all it's chaos shows some of the best of what kung fu has to teach our children. They had the opportunity to see everyone working together and that no one was hitting each other (except with a lot of ice cold water). It was an amazing glimpse for them to see what we all get to experience each day. My hope was that they would walk away from that day feeling differently about kung fu and our families involvement. I believe that did happen. Thank you all for just being your amazing selves!
Here are my YTD totals as of the end of week 14:
Push ups 11,869
Sit ups 12,295
Kempo 98
Staff 181
Sparring 125
KM 243.1
AoK 274
Personal Goals:
Gratitude Journal 290
Piano 26.6 hours
Books finished 7
Daily fruit - 93 days
365 photo challenge - 77 days
Daily journal - 94 days
As I mentioned above, I have really been struggling physically the past couple of weeks. I have still attended classes but have been unable to be at my best. That was most evident last Friday at demo practice. On Wednesday, I chose to miss to class in order to go see the doctor. I had been having chest pain for the week before and felt that it was best to have it checked out by the doctor. He believes that it is a combination of a pulled muscle in my chest combined with a viral infection where I keep coughing and aggravating it further. In light of this, I am pulling back on my push ups for this week in the hopes to let it rest so that I can continue on in this journey without the pain that I have been experiencing. Also, this week I have to opportunity to see the sports medicine doctor at the Glen Sather about my knee. She is the gatekeeper to the surgeon so after Monday, I should perhaps have more information about where my journey is headed next.
This was the first year that I had the opportunity to be more involved in this event. I must apologize to my team mates. I was not as involved in the planning and execution of the event as I would have liked to have been. I am the kind of person who likes to jump in and help out and if I say I'm going to do something, I do my best to do just that. The past couple weeks I have been feeling very under the weather between some sort of viral bug and allergies. I had committed to helping with the game and at one point I was even unsure if that would be possible. Last Wednesday, I had almost completely lost my voice. Not really the best situation when you are trying to herd kids through the chaos that is the game... There were many calls out for help on the group and I did not respond. I am sorry for that. I did not want to commit and then let people down. I did show up whenever I felt able to help out. As it turned out, Saturday I was actually feeling pretty good. The game was a blast. I think the kids all had a ton of fun. I was even able to spend some time on the mats in the afternoon. The people who made the most of this opportunity really inspired me and I am looking forward to next year.
For me, one of the highlights to Pandamonium this year was that my parents attended the event for the first time. They have struggled to support our families engagement with kung fu. They have especially struggled this past year with my additional involvement and then my injury. They cannot understand why we would be involved in such an aggressive sport where you teach hitting. I have tried to explain the other side of kung fu, the side that is emphasized at our school. I have tried to explain the empathy, community involvement, the pursuit of mastery, the larger picture that kung fu can be. For people who do not step into the kwoon and experience this, it is hard for them to understand how teaching the physical can be intertwined with the other lessons. They have also struggled with supporting the Pandamonium financially. I'm not sure they thought that the charities were actually benefitting. They felt that it was a ploy to get someone else their tax receipt. There has been a lot of negativity over the years. This past weekend was a significant breakthrough. My biological family had the opportunity to see my kung fu family at their finest. They were able to see the charities and see how grateful they are for the real support that they receive. They were able to see the love that the people in our small community have for one another. My sweet 3 year old nephew played the game with my son and had a blast. The game in all it's chaos shows some of the best of what kung fu has to teach our children. They had the opportunity to see everyone working together and that no one was hitting each other (except with a lot of ice cold water). It was an amazing glimpse for them to see what we all get to experience each day. My hope was that they would walk away from that day feeling differently about kung fu and our families involvement. I believe that did happen. Thank you all for just being your amazing selves!
Here are my YTD totals as of the end of week 14:
Push ups 11,869
Sit ups 12,295
Kempo 98
Staff 181
Sparring 125
KM 243.1
AoK 274
Personal Goals:
Gratitude Journal 290
Piano 26.6 hours
Books finished 7
Daily fruit - 93 days
365 photo challenge - 77 days
Daily journal - 94 days
As I mentioned above, I have really been struggling physically the past couple of weeks. I have still attended classes but have been unable to be at my best. That was most evident last Friday at demo practice. On Wednesday, I chose to miss to class in order to go see the doctor. I had been having chest pain for the week before and felt that it was best to have it checked out by the doctor. He believes that it is a combination of a pulled muscle in my chest combined with a viral infection where I keep coughing and aggravating it further. In light of this, I am pulling back on my push ups for this week in the hopes to let it rest so that I can continue on in this journey without the pain that I have been experiencing. Also, this week I have to opportunity to see the sports medicine doctor at the Glen Sather about my knee. She is the gatekeeper to the surgeon so after Monday, I should perhaps have more information about where my journey is headed next.
Friday 22 May 2015
Week 13 - Reflections at the Quarter Mark
As I plug along one day at a time it is so easy to lose track of how time is passing. This morning I realized that we are 1/4 of the way through the I Ho Chuan year. My numbers are not where they need to be to be on track. I have fallen behind on many of my personal goals. In some areas, I am disappointed with where I am sitting. In other areas I am doing better than I could have imagined when I set my goals in November. I am finding sitting down weekly, looking at my totals in comparison to where I should be very motivating. It gives me the shove I need to get up the next day and do more push ups even when everything is tired and sore. It is time to really start pushing forward on some of my other goals.
Here are my YTD totals as of the end of week 13:
Push ups 10,929
Sit ups 11,295
Kempo 83
Staff 176
Sparring 125
KM 232.5
AoK 254
Personal Goals:
Gratitude Journal 266
Piano 24.5 hours
Books finished 7
Daily fruit - 88 days
365 photo challenge - 71 days
Daily journal - 87 days
Here are my YTD totals as of the end of week 13:
Push ups 10,929
Sit ups 11,295
Kempo 83
Staff 176
Sparring 125
KM 232.5
AoK 254
Personal Goals:
Gratitude Journal 266
Piano 24.5 hours
Books finished 7
Daily fruit - 88 days
365 photo challenge - 71 days
Daily journal - 87 days
Tuesday 19 May 2015
Redeeming the Little Minutes
Sunshine, pretty flowers, bright blue butterflies, birds chirping & bunnies.... These were my finds today while out walking. I had an hour or so while waiting for my sweet little one after school today & decided to use those minutes. It has been years since I took a stroll in Spruce Grove. Since moving out into the County, I try to avoid walking in town. Today was filled with wonderful surprises.
I have come to the realization that life really is not slowing down. So what am I going to do? For starters I'm going to make sure that I do my best to use the little minutes to the best of my ability. You know those minutes that fill our days but are not really spent doing anything useful. Most of my little minutes are waiting minutes.
Earlier today I arrived at an appointment quite early in the city. I was frustrated to find that for once my Kindle was not stashed in my purse. I ended up using up that time on my phone doing a little of this & a little of that. I did not use that time well.
This afternoon I was determined to use my minutes better. So far I've managed a restoring walk & this blog post. This time I do have my Kindle with me. My sweet girl will be done in about 10 minutes.
The little minutes of life.... We can use the well or just let them slip through our fingers. I plan to pay more attention to this from now on. 
Thursday 14 May 2015
Chaos & Change - Week 12
This really has been one of those crazy all over the place kind of weeks. I find it ironic that we talked so much about routines and how changes in routine can really throw a person for a loop. I have come to the realization that my life is chaotic. I have tried for years to find a routine that works for me and I have not been able to form one so I just grit my teeth and will myself through the days. We are also looking at a change in our family's routine very soon. The position my hubbie has worked in for the past two years is coming to a close. All is good, it looks like he has found another place to be but there will be a significant change in his shift. Finding rhythms and routines to thrive is definitely a direction that I am going to start pursuing. But first - I am going to take some Oregano 8 to try to kill this head cold that is desperately trying to take hold...
Here are my YTD totals as of the end of week 12:
Push ups 10,059
Sit ups 10,375
Kempo 77
Staff 165
Sparring 125
KM 215.9
AoK 239
Personal Goals:
Gratitude Journal 246
Piano 21.95 hours
Books finished 7
Daily fruit - 3 days missed
365 photo challenge - 19 days missed
Daily journal - missed 2 days
Here are my YTD totals as of the end of week 12:
Push ups 10,059
Sit ups 10,375
Kempo 77
Staff 165
Sparring 125
KM 215.9
AoK 239
Personal Goals:
Gratitude Journal 246
Piano 21.95 hours
Books finished 7
Daily fruit - 3 days missed
365 photo challenge - 19 days missed
Daily journal - missed 2 days
Tuesday 12 May 2015
What Being A Mom Has Taught Me...
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Being a mom is amazing. There are days where you just can't believe how blessed you are. Then there are other days. Days that are messy, hard, never ending... Yet, no matter what motherhood throws at you - there is one overriding truth. It is a life long commitment. Sure you can crawl into bed and pull the covers over your head and waive your white flag of surrender - but you will always be a mom. The sun will still come up the next day. No matter what life or your precious ones throw your way - there is no quitting.
Being a mom has shown me how to dig deep. And then dig deeper still. And then when you think you have hit rock bottom, to dig again. It has taught me that I am capable of so much more than I can even begin to imagine, that I am stronger than I will ever believe.
So how does this relate to kung fu? Well in some ways not at all and in others ways completely. For me the journey through motherhood and the journey towards a black belt are going to be in a state of a constant give and take. Lessons learned in each area will be applied to the other. Victories reached will inspire the other and struggles battled will strengthen both.
Anyways, I have no idea how to end this post except to show off the awesome edible Mother's Day card my kiddos gave me. Even at the end of the hardest days, I am blessed because I am a mom.
Thursday 7 May 2015
The Bad, The Ugly but Focusing on the Good - Week 11
What a week! The past week has been packed with appointments. This week found me at the orthodontist, the dentist, physio, the doctors and a spring music concert plus our normal chaos.
The bad was the dentist appointment. It was for me. Normally I go in, get my teeth cleaned and then book to come back in six months. Easy peasy. Not this time. I had a loose filling. So today I spent a portion of the afternoon upside down getting that fixed back up.
The ugly was definitely my MRI results. Ugly is really the only way to describe it. Then off to the doctor to talk about referrals and such.
The good... There was a lot of good this week to focus on. My little one rocked out her orthodontist appointment. My hubbie was an absolute rock for me on Monday after I came home crying with my results. A sweet friend with the biggest heart and awesome hugs to cheer me on in my journey (thanks Alana). A doctor who is willing to refer me on to the right people. The support of this amazing team. Good habits that I have and will continue to work on in my life. I have so much good in my life that I will not allow the bad or the ugly to overshadow it.
Here are my YTD totals as of the end of week 11:
Push ups 9,144
Sit ups 9,415
Kempo 62
Staff 146
Sparring 90
KM 193.7
AoK 219
Personal Goals:
Gratitude Journal 222
Piano 19.5 hours
Books finished 6
Daily fruit - 2 day missed
365 photo challenge - 16 days missed
Daily journal - missed 2 days
The bad was the dentist appointment. It was for me. Normally I go in, get my teeth cleaned and then book to come back in six months. Easy peasy. Not this time. I had a loose filling. So today I spent a portion of the afternoon upside down getting that fixed back up.
The ugly was definitely my MRI results. Ugly is really the only way to describe it. Then off to the doctor to talk about referrals and such.
The good... There was a lot of good this week to focus on. My little one rocked out her orthodontist appointment. My hubbie was an absolute rock for me on Monday after I came home crying with my results. A sweet friend with the biggest heart and awesome hugs to cheer me on in my journey (thanks Alana). A doctor who is willing to refer me on to the right people. The support of this amazing team. Good habits that I have and will continue to work on in my life. I have so much good in my life that I will not allow the bad or the ugly to overshadow it.
Here are my YTD totals as of the end of week 11:
Push ups 9,144
Sit ups 9,415
Kempo 62
Staff 146
Sparring 90
KM 193.7
AoK 219
Personal Goals:
Gratitude Journal 222
Piano 19.5 hours
Books finished 6
Daily fruit - 2 day missed
365 photo challenge - 16 days missed
Daily journal - missed 2 days
Tuesday 5 May 2015
A New Day, A New Attitude
I am so grateful that we can view each new day as a restart. Yesterday was a hard day filled with news I did not want to hear, frustration, anger and tears. Today though, I can choose to reset how I am going to handle what I learned yesterday.
This morning I have been sitting at my desk in my home office looking out at the blue sky and watching the birds while listening to a webinar on how to achieve your goals at work. Mostly I was listening to apply it to my personal life. One of the main focuses was finding the areas of disbelief in your life and changing what you believe so that then you can change your behaviour. I have carried a ton of disbelief around with me. One of my most common sayings was "That's cool but I could never do that."
Today I had the realization just how much I have grown personally in the past few months. I realized just how much my thinking has changed. I am doing things that I didn't think I could do and the year has only just started. Then add to that, the injury that could have stopped it all two weeks in. Yesterday as I was fighting through the frustration all of that hit me and I think it fueled some of the negative feelings. Part of me feels bitter for where I could be if I wasn't fighting this injury. Part of me feels frustration for what this means for the future. But today I am realizing that the injury was to my knee but it has changed my heart. My knee functions well enough to do ordinary, everyday life. There was a time in my life when that would have been fairly acceptable. Now I want more than just the ordinary. Now I believe that perhaps I may be capable of more than the ordinary. Now I want to find out what that looks like.
It's hard to say where my journey would be if I hadn't had my crash landing. I do know you appreciate things more when you have to dig deep for them. I may hit the end of this year and have not fully met my goals. Yet, not a day has gone by where I have not done something to work towards the goals I set for the year. It all goes back to how you define success. I am going to embrace the journey, detours included. I am not going to quit.
This morning I have been sitting at my desk in my home office looking out at the blue sky and watching the birds while listening to a webinar on how to achieve your goals at work. Mostly I was listening to apply it to my personal life. One of the main focuses was finding the areas of disbelief in your life and changing what you believe so that then you can change your behaviour. I have carried a ton of disbelief around with me. One of my most common sayings was "That's cool but I could never do that."
Today I had the realization just how much I have grown personally in the past few months. I realized just how much my thinking has changed. I am doing things that I didn't think I could do and the year has only just started. Then add to that, the injury that could have stopped it all two weeks in. Yesterday as I was fighting through the frustration all of that hit me and I think it fueled some of the negative feelings. Part of me feels bitter for where I could be if I wasn't fighting this injury. Part of me feels frustration for what this means for the future. But today I am realizing that the injury was to my knee but it has changed my heart. My knee functions well enough to do ordinary, everyday life. There was a time in my life when that would have been fairly acceptable. Now I want more than just the ordinary. Now I believe that perhaps I may be capable of more than the ordinary. Now I want to find out what that looks like.
It's hard to say where my journey would be if I hadn't had my crash landing. I do know you appreciate things more when you have to dig deep for them. I may hit the end of this year and have not fully met my goals. Yet, not a day has gone by where I have not done something to work towards the goals I set for the year. It all goes back to how you define success. I am going to embrace the journey, detours included. I am not going to quit.
Monday 4 May 2015
The Results Are In....
And I don't like them!!!!
So my knee has been feeling pretty good. Today in class I ran (ok, it was a super slow jog) for the first time in two months. I went to physio. Life was looking really great. And then.....
My MRI results were faxed in part way through my appointment. The lovely lady I have been working with was pretty confident that there was either a sprain or a slight tear in my ACL. She was wrong. I have a full tear. There are a few other little things going on too but really my lack of an ACL is the point of concern. What this means is that even though my knee feels super stable side to side, I am at a huge risk of hyperextending it again. My head is swimming right now. I'm not entirely sure what this means in terms of what I can safely do right now. I do know that when I go to the doctor on Wednesday to get these same results, I should be receiving a referral to see a surgeon.
Well that's all I have to say for today. I have had a good cry and now I'm heading out for a walk and some puppy therapy.
So my knee has been feeling pretty good. Today in class I ran (ok, it was a super slow jog) for the first time in two months. I went to physio. Life was looking really great. And then.....
My MRI results were faxed in part way through my appointment. The lovely lady I have been working with was pretty confident that there was either a sprain or a slight tear in my ACL. She was wrong. I have a full tear. There are a few other little things going on too but really my lack of an ACL is the point of concern. What this means is that even though my knee feels super stable side to side, I am at a huge risk of hyperextending it again. My head is swimming right now. I'm not entirely sure what this means in terms of what I can safely do right now. I do know that when I go to the doctor on Wednesday to get these same results, I should be receiving a referral to see a surgeon.
Well that's all I have to say for today. I have had a good cry and now I'm heading out for a walk and some puppy therapy.
Friday 1 May 2015
A Mirror - Week 10
This week has been hard in many ways. I have kept on pushing along but still every single thing I do is a sheer act of will power. I feel like I'm trying to swim in mud. My numbers were down this week but I did do something each day. I am not giving up.
One of the hardest mental challenges for me has been looking at my reflection and not the one in the traditional mirror. The mirror I am talking about is my sweet baby girl. My sweet princess struggles with anxiety. She covers it well when people are looking but when she is at home, her guard comes down. This week I had my MRI. They asked me if I struggle with anxiety. I didn't believe that I really did. That is my sweet baby's issue - not mine. Well let me tell you - it is definitely an issue I have too. I put on a brave, strong face when I am around others. I have worked on my strong face to the point where my own husband was shocked that I had struggled so much that day. I have successfully lied to everyone including myself for a very long time. By not being honest, I have actually worked to cut off support instead of reaching for it. When I do let my guard down, it comes out as tears, anger or ironically silliness so I am still able to hide it. This is exactly how my little one handles life as well. I do not know how much of all this is genetic and how much is learned behaviour but it really breaks my heart that I have passed this on to her. We will both be working together to learn how to honestly ask for help and to build better coping skills that's for sure.
Here are my YTD totals as of the end of week 10:
Push ups 8,134
Sit ups 8,295
Kempo 60
Staff 137
Sparring 65
KM 160.8
AoK 204
Personal Goals:
Gratitude Journal 201
Piano 17.75 hours
Books finished 5
Daily fruit - 1 day missed
365 photo challenge - 15 days missed
Daily journal - missed 2 days
One of the hardest mental challenges for me has been looking at my reflection and not the one in the traditional mirror. The mirror I am talking about is my sweet baby girl. My sweet princess struggles with anxiety. She covers it well when people are looking but when she is at home, her guard comes down. This week I had my MRI. They asked me if I struggle with anxiety. I didn't believe that I really did. That is my sweet baby's issue - not mine. Well let me tell you - it is definitely an issue I have too. I put on a brave, strong face when I am around others. I have worked on my strong face to the point where my own husband was shocked that I had struggled so much that day. I have successfully lied to everyone including myself for a very long time. By not being honest, I have actually worked to cut off support instead of reaching for it. When I do let my guard down, it comes out as tears, anger or ironically silliness so I am still able to hide it. This is exactly how my little one handles life as well. I do not know how much of all this is genetic and how much is learned behaviour but it really breaks my heart that I have passed this on to her. We will both be working together to learn how to honestly ask for help and to build better coping skills that's for sure.
Here are my YTD totals as of the end of week 10:
Push ups 8,134
Sit ups 8,295
Kempo 60
Staff 137
Sparring 65
KM 160.8
AoK 204
Personal Goals:
Gratitude Journal 201
Piano 17.75 hours
Books finished 5
Daily fruit - 1 day missed
365 photo challenge - 15 days missed
Daily journal - missed 2 days
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