An Unexpected Week

Earlier today I read Ms. Tomie's post about the lead up to her Christmas celebrations.  I have so been there.  The vision of the perfect Christmas.  Then the near death experience of trying to pull that all together.  I seriously own that T-shirt.  It made my heart break a little inside for her when I pictured her nearly killing herself to get it all just so.  I was happy to read that it had turned out purrfect in the end.


Last year I was placed on bed rest for the month on December.  I HAD to let it all go.  There was nothing perfect about the preparations.  Nothing was done the way I felt it should be and there was really nothing I could do to change that.  I was so hard on myself and really it was pointless because I had done my best.


I resolved that this year would be different.  This year the goal of course was to have a lovely Christmas for my family - lovely, not perfect.  The underlying current was that I was going to be kind to myself while doing my best.  The result was that I was learning to be happy with good enough.


This year I had some major work deadlines that needed to be met before Christmas.  This meant some longer work hours in front of my computer that my poor post concussion brain has not quite grown accustom to.  The breaks and pacing that I have been using to cope had to take a back seat along with many other things in order to finish what needed doing.  I had to carefully plan my days to make sure that everything that must be done, was getting done. 


Then....  The flu hit...  My perfectly planned universe was met by my sweet girl getting the flu bug the week before Christmas.  All I could think was ugh - how am I going to care for her, get the gift purchased and wrapped AND meet my clients deadlines.  All this stress and wasted emotion really for nothing.  She really just wanted to sleep.  The gifts did indeed all get purchased (the list was quite short this year anyway) and wrapped.  I finished up the last of my client work at around 1:00 on Christmas Eve with a cheer.


Then it was time to prepare for Christmas dinner.  One of our traditions is to have our big feast on Christmas Eve (as long as we aren't having company on the 25th) so that I do not have to cook on Christmas Day.  So I started rolling the cabbage rolls and getting our celebration ready to roll. We ate.  We hit the Christmas Eve service at church.  We came home and opened our shiny new pj's, prepared for Santa and the reindeer (even the trail of shiny reindeer food running down the driveway) and started watching a movie as a family.  Awesome!!!!!


The Christmas morning hit...  Along with the flu's next victim...  This time it was me...  I had been so pumped.  I was ready for Christmas.  I was not ready for this flu bug.  I am so grateful that my kids are older.  They were so patient with the whole gift opening process which took 10 times longer than it normally would have because mom had to keep tapping out.  Once the gifts were done I went to bed and slept.


Boxing Day arrived...  This was the day we were supposed to pack up and drive to Calgary for Christmas with my family.  That wasn't happening.  I was way to sick.  I slept through another full day with a crazy high fever.


Now this crazy flu has just settled into a cough and a runny nose but it sure did an amazing job of rearranging absolutely everything I had planned for Christmas this year.  I guess it was just a sweet reminder that it is just a day.  An even sweeter reminder that I have an amazing family who took such good care of me when I was completely sidelined.  And the silver lining is (just like Sifu Brinker requested), I believe I have this year's flu bug out of the way before the banquet.  (That is my Christmas gift to all of you.)


My extended family has been pretty amazing too.  I believe we are working to arrange another try at a Christmas gathering either tomorrow or Friday at either our house or my parent's place at Pigeon Lake.


Anyways, that was my crazy, unexpected yet surprisingly blessed week.

Precious Time

It is that time of year where we are all (or at least most of us) feel like we are losing our minds.  There is so much to do, so many people to see - and just not enough time.  Christmas is coming and all of the celebrations and preparations.  The end of the year is looming and there are all those unmet deadlines and goals. 

The past week or so I've been struggling with all of this.  There just does not seem to be enough hours to do all that I feel I must.  Then this morning as I was attempting to prepare myself to nail today's impossible to do list, there was a post on Facebook with a link to a TED talk.  My first instinct was that I don't have time to listen to a talk.  Then I reminded myself that I could do it while I cleaned the kitchen later (plus did I mention that I had found time to check Facebook)....


The perspective of this speaker really shifted my thinking - so much so that here I am writing a blog about it.  I had not planned to write a blog today but the shift in priorities was needed.  You see, there are two reasons that I have not blogged.  The first is that the past couple weeks have been tough mentally.  The second reason was that I felt there just wasn't time.  That's an excuse.  I simply did not want to blog.  I know I agreed to do it.  I know that it is so beneficial every time I do it, yet I chose to not do it under the guise that I do not have time.  This is not just the case with blogging but with all of our IHC goals. 


Today, I have time.  Today, I will place my priorities at the top of the list.  Today, I will chose to use my precious 24 hours in a way that will line up with my goals and priorities.


Anyways, I've attached the link to the TED talk below.  For those of you who feel pressed for time, I think it was only about 15 minutes long.  Take a listen while you clean the kitchen, you will be happy you did!


https://www.ted.com/talks/laura_vanderkam_how_to_gain_control_of_your_free_time#t-702324

Habits

Habit - a settled or regular tendency or practice, especially one that is hard to give up.

The past two years, the primary focus of my goals for the IHC program has been to build little habits into my life.  The end goal is to live in effortless effort - you know the state Sifu Brinker talks about where you are rocking the world and getting it all done yet it requires no real effort on your part. 


I have realized in my quest to build these habits, that I really struggle.  I can do what I am supposed to do day after day but then something upsets the applecart and it's gone in a blink.  All of the practices I have been trying to put into place fall away so fast and I feel like I am back at square one.


I have put some thought into why this happens.  First of all, it is really easy to be lazy and not do what needs doing.  The other factor that I think has really been hampering me is that I have not actually built any real habits.  There are no real triggers to the activities I am trying to incorporate - that is except the time on the clock at the end of the day as I am trying to cram in as much as I can. 


I am so blessed to have the life I have.  I get to stay home and be a mom while also running a small business.  This lifestyle brings a different, crazy schedule each and every day.  When you look at my calendar, the only constant is that there is no consistency.  My days are busy and full but the habits don't seem to be forming.  The only constant feels like my driving route to the kwoon and my white knuckles as I try to plow through my days.  Yup, no effortless effort happening here - YET!

A couple weeks ago, Mr. Helm mentioned a book called The Power of Habit.  I have picked this book up from the library and have started reading it.  So far I am only part way into chapter one.  I am definitely looking forward to getting some insight into habit forming.

Reflecting

Earlier this week the whole theme of reflecting was fresh on my mind.  It all really started with the demo on Saturday.  A year ago I was at the demo but I was sitting in the audience.  It was not that I wasn't on the team.  It was not that I didn't want to be in the demo.  It was that I was medically not allowed to perform.  I had been benched due to my concussion.  I went back and read my blogs from a year ago.  I was in a tough, hard place.  I have had so much growth in some areas, and not nearly as much growth in other areas as I would like.  I can now see this because I documented my journey.  I had an entire blog written in my head on this but then Tuesday hit and although the blog in my mind was no longer what I needed to write this week, the theme of reflecting stuck.

This has been a challenging year.  My struggles with my physical and mental health have been a large part of my year.  I have also had to deal with some other challenges.  In March, I lost a much loved friend to cancer.  Fresh on that loss, a much loved family member received their own devastating news.  Yes, cancer had struck again and this time there was nothing the doctors could do.

On Tuesday afternoon, my husband's uncle lost his battle with cancer.  Now many would think that an uncle is somewhat removed, not like immediate family.  Not many people are not very close with their uncles, especially those adopted through marriage.  It was different with Uncle Gordon.  You see, my husband lost his own father to cancer when he was very young.  Uncle stepped up to the plate and became a surrogate father.  Chad has amazing memories of camping and fishing and spending time with his uncle.  He was always there at the drop of a hat for us, just like a parent.  When it was time for them to build their retirement home out at Alberta Beach, we ended up buying their acreage - just to keep it in the family.  Everywhere we look we see his hand and love in our lives.

So as I reflect on the example that Uncle left, I honestly can only think of positive memories.  He was an amazing man, father, grandfather, uncle.  What really sticks out to me is that he never seemed to be in a hurry.  He was a regular in our kitchen, stopping in to see if we needed help with anything or just for a cup of coffee.  His life was lived with people as his focus.  He was a rock and anchor for Chad when he lost his father.  He was a rock an anchor to me when Chad was working out of town.  I have memories of spending days crawling around on the floor of our new shop zip tying tubing down to rebar for the in floor heat.  I have memories of him trying to teach me the ins and outs of the boiler system we have in our house (I am not a quick student).  Most of all I have memories of him sitting at our kitchen table regularly with a cup of coffee and a huge smile - always happy, never hurried.  I know that it brought him joy to see us raising our kids in the home he had built.

Loss has a way of making us reflect.  I want my life to be filled with the qualities that we were so blessed to see in Uncle. 

Reviewing Progress

One of the most beneficial habits I have established this year has been how I end my days.  I sit with my tracking binder.  I fill in my numbers for the day.  I write down all the acts of kindness I can remember.  I write in my gratitude journal.  Then I finish the day off with a personal journal and prayer time.  It is a great way to look at where I am, how things are going and to prepare myself for the day to come.


Funny things with these valuable habits....  They are so easy to take for granted.  I have ended my day this way for more than 200 days so far this year.  Then the later half of last week hit.  I was feeling physically off and tired.  Many great things were happening during the day BUT there is absolutely little to no record of them.  Why?  Because I allowed my tired self to veg out in front of the tv with my hubbie instead of finishing off my day the way I normally do.


The effect of this is that, although some great things happened last week, many of my numbers were very low.  The end of the week kind of snuck up on me because I was not being intentional about tracking where I was.  I was not always being intentional how I was or was not spending my time.  I was not able to give myself a the necessary kick in the butt because I didn't realize that it was necessary.


So...  The moral of the story is keep track DAILY!  Be accountable to myself DAILY!

Looking Forward

I know that I am supposed to writing about what the IHC has done for me this year but I have this blog floating around in my head and I need to get it down before it gets lost somewhere up in my cerebral mess never to be found again.  It is not only that time of year where it is time to look back at our journey, but it is time to start looking forward and setting the next round of goals.


I have really been struggling with looking forward.  The past month has really been plagued with periods of depression and generally funkiness.  To say that my first IHC year went nothing like planned would be a colossal understatement.  This year has been about healing and rebuilding.  Now it is time for go around number three and I was quite frankly feeling completely lost.


Yesterday I had the opportunity to sit with Sifu Brinker just before the kids grading and then attend the IHC meeting after.  There are several things that were said that have really stuck with me and I need to write myself a reminder to look back on.


The first one is that I was reminded it is normal to feel a little lost right now in the goal setting.  There is nothing like being reminded that your struggles are not new ones and ones that the people around me have not encountered.  That was really comforting.


The second reminder was that as we progress on our journey, we may not know what goals need to be set at the beginning of the year.  It may be ok to set just a few goals and then be open to pursue opportunities as they present themselves over the year.  I was reminded that this approach is only ok if the opportunities are indeed noticed and pursued and that we don't fall into a place of complacency and comfort.


Then there was the awesome reminder of effortless effort.  That state where you are just plugging along, taking care of business and you are rocking it but it really isn't requiring a ton of effort.


The final reminder was from Sifu T Beckett.  She spoke about how her next year was really going to be focused on simplifying her life.


So where is my own headspace in the middle of these fantastic reminders...  I do not need to get all crazy wrapped up in coming up with a huge set of amazing goals for the next year.  I look at some of the goals people set that push them way out of their comfort zones or to travel.  I want to be able to have these types of goals, but I am realizing at this point in my journey those epic sounding goals may be a huge mistake.  I am not living in a place of effortless effort.  Honestly, I feel completely maxed out most of the time and that I am not even close to nailing what needs to be done.  I am not even close to accomplishing my goals from this year.  I do make progress, just not to the promised level.


The past two years, my goals have been focused on establishing habits in many areas of my life.  They have put me on the journey towards that effortless effort but I have a long way to go (a really long way).  The accident and resulting concussion has been truly life altering.  My brain does not work the same way I have grown quite accustomed to it working.  My new life requires much more structure, routines and planning.  My old wing it by the seat of my pants living has left me with some very white knuckles this past year.  Where I used to be able to thrive in that environment, I no longer can.  I am learning how to best work with this new brain and I know that once I get it figured out, the changes are going to work out to my advantage.


In light of this, I am starting to look at goals for this next year that are very close to home.  As a work from home mama, I am either in my car or in my home.  My life has little structure or routine built into it.  Everywhere I look, I see a backlog of things that need addressing and little progress.  There is little escape from it really.  Routines and simplification seem to be exactly what I need to work towards the destination of peace in my surroundings and effortless effort in my actions.  Now to figure out how to put all of that into some very concrete, measureable goals...

Tiger Challenge 2016

Saturday was such a full, amazing day.  It is really hard to even put it into words.


First of all, I want to thank Sifu Csillag for his master organizing skills - really he is the glue that held the whole event together.  Thank you for letting me help out with the organizing and scorekeeping.  I learned a lot in the process.  There is a lot of work that goes on behind the scenes to have a day like that come off successfully - more than I believe most people realize.  


Now for the preparation for the event...  Same as always...  I knew it was coming.  We had plenty of advance warning, yet it seemed to sneak up all the same.  This is the place where I insert the whole wish I would have put in more time before the event comments.  I will spare you that internal dialog.


The day of the event was fantastic!  Scorekeeping for the itty bitty guys was so much fun.  Seriously, how do you even begin to judge such cuteness.  Then to add to it all some of them were in their Halloween costumes.  You could see life lessons being learned.  You could see growth just in the short time they were there.  Quite an inspiring bunch of mini ninjas.  From Miss Tomie going from tears to gold and Mr. Thompson almost winning a medal in the pool noodle fight after having never had the courage to join a class. 


Next up the scorekeeping for the intermediate black dragons.  I have to say, I have a extremely large bias towards one of the competitors.  It was interesting watching the forms division unfold.  My girl went out and rocked out her form.  She made a small mistake at the beginning but totally recovered.  She really put her best foot forward.  Being the scorekeeper, I was able to watch exactly where she stood amongst the other kids but had to keep it quiet.  So hard to play stoneface when you are one proud mama.  She looked surprised when she won the gold so I must have done that part of my job well.  Her musical form went well.  She missed the one whoosh in the music and beat herself up about that but she put herself out there and performed great.  She ended off the day competing with me in the adult team forms.  She learned a new form, competed against other adults and made her mama so proud.


Waylon also had a very successful day.  I know he would have loved to have walked away with more hardware but instead he was filled with inspiration to push hard for next year and some great life lessons.  He was reminded that even if you do a really hard form, your stances and technique need to be bang on.  He really put himself out there by trying a Sai form that he learned at the forms seminar.  He walked away so happy that he did not drop them or impale himself or any of the judges.  The fight choreography he did was done as well as I had ever seen them do it.  It was long and jam-packed with moves from the curriculum, especially the grappling.  It was such a fun and creative way for the boys to really work on their kung fu.  The next day he spent a bunch of time up in his room just before bedtime.  When I went in to say good night he showed me a list of goals.  Some of them big goals for the next year in kung fu.  It put a fire in his belly.


As for my events, I was happy with the performances that I put out.  Tai He went fairly well.  I had one moment where I lost where I was but recovered.  I'm hoping the only one who may have noticed was Sifu Beckett.  Tai Chi Broadsword went well.  I have to admit, I really wanted to perform it in the other ring.  The idea of doing a tai chi form for Sifu Brinker was pretty intimidating...  I decided before I entered the ring that I was going to do the fastest tai chi form that I could pull off without sacrificing the technique I had been working on.  The past month I had been working on really slowing it down and cleaning up the footwork and trying to eliminate any bobbing up and down.  I decided to speed it up so that I would not put the panel to sleep.  Finally, was the team form.  Like I mentioned above, I was so focused on being proud of my girl that I hardly remember doing my part of the form.  A very good day!


The rest of the day was also fantastic.  I love watching the black belts perform their forms.  So much to be learned just by watching how they move.  I find having the visual is very helpful for me.  Then the obstacle course...  I nearly lost my pants in the tunnel.  Life lesson - tie them up next year.  Watching everyone else do the obstacle course was a hoot!  Who would have thought it would get so competitive with people diving, broken bones and sprained hands.  You guys are very hardcore!!!


Such a great day!  Spending a day building lessons and memories with my kung fu family.  Hard to get much better than that!