I know that I am supposed to writing about what the IHC has done for me this year but I have this blog floating around in my head and I need to get it down before it gets lost somewhere up in my cerebral mess never to be found again. It is not only that time of year where it is time to look back at our journey, but it is time to start looking forward and setting the next round of goals.
I have really been struggling with looking forward. The past month has really been plagued with periods of depression and generally funkiness. To say that my first IHC year went nothing like planned would be a colossal understatement. This year has been about healing and rebuilding. Now it is time for go around number three and I was quite frankly feeling completely lost.
Yesterday I had the opportunity to sit with Sifu Brinker just before the kids grading and then attend the IHC meeting after. There are several things that were said that have really stuck with me and I need to write myself a reminder to look back on.
The first one is that I was reminded it is normal to feel a little lost right now in the goal setting. There is nothing like being reminded that your struggles are not new ones and ones that the people around me have not encountered. That was really comforting.
The second reminder was that as we progress on our journey, we may not know what goals need to be set at the beginning of the year. It may be ok to set just a few goals and then be open to pursue opportunities as they present themselves over the year. I was reminded that this approach is only ok if the opportunities are indeed noticed and pursued and that we don't fall into a place of complacency and comfort.
Then there was the awesome reminder of effortless effort. That state where you are just plugging along, taking care of business and you are rocking it but it really isn't requiring a ton of effort.
The final reminder was from Sifu T Beckett. She spoke about how her next year was really going to be focused on simplifying her life.
So where is my own headspace in the middle of these fantastic reminders... I do not need to get all crazy wrapped up in coming up with a huge set of amazing goals for the next year. I look at some of the goals people set that push them way out of their comfort zones or to travel. I want to be able to have these types of goals, but I am realizing at this point in my journey those epic sounding goals may be a huge mistake. I am not living in a place of effortless effort. Honestly, I feel completely maxed out most of the time and that I am not even close to nailing what needs to be done. I am not even close to accomplishing my goals from this year. I do make progress, just not to the promised level.
The past two years, my goals have been focused on establishing habits in many areas of my life. They have put me on the journey towards that effortless effort but I have a long way to go (a really long way). The accident and resulting concussion has been truly life altering. My brain does not work the same way I have grown quite accustomed to it working. My new life requires much more structure, routines and planning. My old wing it by the seat of my pants living has left me with some very white knuckles this past year. Where I used to be able to thrive in that environment, I no longer can. I am learning how to best work with this new brain and I know that once I get it figured out, the changes are going to work out to my advantage.
In light of this, I am starting to look at goals for this next year that are very close to home. As a work from home mama, I am either in my car or in my home. My life has little structure or routine built into it. Everywhere I look, I see a backlog of things that need addressing and little progress. There is little escape from it really. Routines and simplification seem to be exactly what I need to work towards the destination of peace in my surroundings and effortless effort in my actions. Now to figure out how to put all of that into some very concrete, measureable goals...
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