What?!? No Fitness Genie....

Wanted:  Looking for one fit, unbroken body that can withstand the Black Belt Fitness Test.

Ha!  If only it were that easy.  But alas, that does not seem to be how this works.  To date I have been unable to find a magic genie willing to grant me this one little (well sort of little) wish.  I suspect that if it were that easy, I would miss out on many important lessons along the road and I just may not have the same appreciation at the end.

To date, the biggest obstacle that I can see for me on grading day is my fitness level.  Today, with the body I have and the fitness level I am at, I do not believe that I could even complete the fitness test.  If you can't complete it, then you most certainly have no hope of passing it. 

I have been fighting the internal voice that reminds me that I have known about the fitness test for years.  Surely it would have made sense to prepare a little more in advance.  Yes, but in many ways, I doubted that I would ever truly be in a position where I was taking a grading year seriously.  Now I am in a place where I honestly don't have time to even entertain that little voice.  It is time to just get moving.

This week I made another step in the right direction on this portion of my journey.  My girl and I signed up for memberships at the Tri.  I have started the hard work that I have ahead of me but I plan to do it as carefully as I can taking into account some of my more broken parts (particularly my right hip).  Today I worked on some interval running on the track.  As of today, I can assure you that there are many parts of my body that do not appreciate running.  Not even a little....  Hopefully with time it will forget this great dislike as I continue to press in and on. 

Commitment & Consistency

Committed, and Consistent - which reminds us that only with commitment and consistency can success be reached.  Again, it's no mystery that success comes from hitting the anvil, pounding not until your done, but until you've done your best.   - Chris Gardner

The anvil is the hard heavy steel or iron block that a blacksmith uses in their trade.  They heat up the metal that they are moulding and then pound it into shape using a hammer and the anvil.  The blacksmith has a vision or a goal of what they would like the finished product to look like.  Much like any artist, the finished product can't be truly seen by others until it is finished.  It takes hard work to shape it into that vision.

It is the same with our journey in the martial arts.  We all have an idea or vision of where we would like our year to take us as we proceed along our journey.  Our instructors give us the tools to help us start shaping those ideas or visions for ourselves.  The IHC is one of those tools that help with this.  It is only with commitment and consistency that mastery in the martial arts can truly be pursued.  Mastery though is not a destination.  There is no real finish point, no point where you are truly done and can say that you've been there, done that, check it off the list.  Success in an art can't be defined as a finish point but is best realized as we put our best forward each and every day. 

Details, Details, Details...

On Thursday evening instead of heading to class, I chose to book a family date night at the Imax.  Life has felt busy.  We have been working on renovations in every spare moment and honestly we all needed just a little down town together but away from the house.  We had tried to book tickets to go last Sunday but they were all sold out so that left Thursday night as the only night we could see Apollo 11 and Free Solo.  My expectation for the night was just some time out with my family watching a couple interesting documentaries.  My expectations were exceeded!

The first movie, Apollo 11 was all done based on footage that was 50 years old.  It was at times hard to watch because the footage was grainy and the visuals bounced around a fair bit.  The documentary followed the mission from the date of take off until the completion of the mission.  The preparation that took place and the details that were attended to were evident throughout the entire film. The astronauts were so prepared for their mission that their heart rates did not even exceed 100 during take off.  The only time that there appeared to be any kind of increase was during the lunar landing when they had to make some adjustments because they were initially lined up to land in a crater.  This was not an ideal landing site so they had to choose a different spot while in a time and fuel crunch.  They appeared to stay so calm throughout the adjustments that it would have been easy to miss the true impact until they announced that Neil Armstrong's heart rate was over 150 during the final moments of that landing.  Once he was out walking on the moon, he commented that it felt a little different than the simulations they had run and prepared for.  All in all, the mission was a complete success because of careful planning and attention to every single detail.  Although this was not a focal point of the film, I found it to be quite evident throughout.

The second film, Free Solo was definitely one that I found harder to watch in many ways.  I have a profound fear of heights.  This film is about the first man to ever climb El Capitan in Yosemite free solo.  That means without the aid of anything including safety ropes.  This is a 3000 foot nearly straight vertical climb.  One tiny mistake would mean certain death.

The film did culminate with the filming of this epic climb but that was not really the focus of most of the movie.  Although it would be easy to write off Honnold as completely off his rocker and an extreme risk seeker, this was not a climb that he took lightly.  This final climb was years in the making.  The preparation that went into that one single climb was intense.  He studied the various routes.  He carefully chose the one that he thought would provide the most success.  He intensively climbed that route for two full summers seasons focusing on each grip, step, movement.  He meticulously documented each climb in a notebook.  He seemed to be good at being able to emotionally distance himself most of the time from what he was doing in order to analyze and correct.  This movie was truly one that showed the mastery process in full honesty.  Plan, execute, document, analyze, repeat...  And by repeat, I mean not just once or twice but thousands of times.  He sought the advice of other masters and climbers.  He climbed with others continually as he trained but he did the final ascent alone.

These films have left me with a lot to chew on.  I feel blessed to have seen these examples of the mastery process.  I do believe that my mindset this year allowed me to see these films perhaps from a different perspective than many of the other people who shared the theatre that night.  Now to take the lessons that I learned and apply them to my own mastery process.

Testing a New Structure

I have spent a great deal of time reflecting on the meeting on Saturday.  I missed that there was little chance for others to share where they are at in their journey right now but the wisdom shared definitely was worth missing out on that.  I will be the first to admit that structure is something that I need to address in my life as well as being honest about priorities.

Structure...  In some ways structure has been the backbone of my life.  As a youngster I figure skated and there were days where I did spend more time on the ice than I did in a classroom at school.  Structure was an absolute necessity.  It seemed so much easier back then when all I had to worry about in life was skating and getting all my school work done during school hours because homework was not really an option.  Even my social life was structured and my friends grew to understand that during the week I was pretty much MIA but I could be found on weekend nights as long as it wasn't too late because I needed to be back on the ice for 6 am the next morning.

Fast forward and now my structure is still framed around activities that take place at set times.  I move heaven and earth many days to make sure that kids make it to kung fu, music, horseback riding, youth group or whatever activities they have.  I have committed to making sure that they make it where I said I would have them.

The rest of life seems to lack structure for me.  Deep down I am the kind of person who likes to have it all laid out with lists and plans.  Since having kids though I have found that those lists and plans cannot be too rigid since life happens and I am rarely in control of that life stuff because it involves other people.  I really struggle when I have a plan all laid out in my head and then something throws a kink in it.  I tend to not handle the frustration well.  I have become better at shifting gears with less frustration but in many ways my go to coping mechanism has shifted to not making as many plans because they don't seem to turn out anyway.

Now, that is the funny thing about coping mechanisms...  They are like a bandaid.  They seem to hold things together, make it all feel better but it is only a temporary solution.  Having no set plans in place leads to mediocrity much of the time.  The final result is that I end up meeting the needs of others but nearly all promises made to myself get swept aside. 

In order to get where I want to be in the fall, this can't continue.  I need to stake a claim on my time.  I need to keep my promises to myself front and center and I need to make good on them on a daily basis.  I need to set up a structure where that has a chance of happening.  The two suggestions were to either get it done in the morning before the distractions have a chance to start or get out of the house and away so that I can hide from all things distraction and get down to business.  Right now adding any time outside the house feels like more than I can manage so I have placed that option to the side for future consideration.  That leaves getting up earlier as my current alternative.

In the very recent past I used to get up much earlier.  The stress and busyness of February found me shifting my schedule.  I was staying up later trying to get life done.  I started sleeping a little later so that I wouldn't fall asleep while trying to read in the mornings with Georgia.  By sleeping a little later, I am still talking about the alarm going off at 5:45 so by no means was I sleeping in.  That is only a few minutes before Chad gets up so I didn't leave me much time to focus just on me.  This is where I know I need to make the changes to my structure.

So starting last night, I am working on a new structure.  In order to get a good start, the night before needed to be addressed first.  I made sure I had our school plans all laid out and ready to roll for today.  Then I made sure that I got my butt to bed on time.  The alarm went off at 5:00 and I rolled out.  I won't lie.  It sure did not feel great and it did take me a bit to find a groove but I did find it.  I managed to get my personal journal done plus push ups, sit ups and form reps all before anyone else was out of bed.  I did not have all my daily reps done but I was close.  I had some questions ready in my mind to ask in class and planned to finish up my reps then.  I kept the thought that I needed to get it done before life could interfere.  It felt great to have most of the reps done.  I felt very accomplished.

As my day started, it did not take long for that thing call life to interfere.  I did not make it to class.  I did not get my questions answered.  Once I post this blog I will finish up the requirements that were not done earlier.  The reason life was derailed was definitely a matter of priorities.  I received a phone call as I was driving out of our subdivision today that I could not ignore.  A much loved neighbour needed assistance immediately so instead of heading to class, we packed up and went to the hospital.  My heart has been heavy all day, school was definitely a challenge as my girl's heart was heavy too.  I am grateful we were available.  I am grateful that he felt he could call and know that we would be there for him until his wife could arrive.  I am grateful to have neighbours that I consider family.

Anyways, back to the actual purpose of this blog...  Structure.  I am working on it.  Today it worked out well.  I know that is often the case at first so the secret is to keep it up.  So I will be off to bed shortly so that I can do it again tomorrow.  

Goodbye February, Hello March...

I must admit that I am happy to have the month of February behind me.  I had great plans to start the Year of the Pig strong.  The plan did not proceed as I hoped.  Very quickly my work life took over nearly spare moment in my days, especially in the past two weeks.  I am pleased to say that all deadlines were met at 4:00 yesterday.  It is time to move forward.

After meeting my deadlines, I was able to shift my focus to other areas of my life.  I picked up the book for the grading reading assignment from the library and cracked it open while listening to my daughter's choir practice.  I wrote in my journal.  I updated the last week's numbers in my tracker.  I attended last night's class and was able to truly focus on being there and getting down to business.  It was a great way to end a tough month.

March is now here.  It is time to refocus on a much more balanced approach.  It is time to take the lessons of February and apply them going forward.  There will always be short seasons where there is a need to be single focused.  This is not sustainable without blowing up every other part of life.  I want to live in a way that I can healthily maintain.  I want to live in a way that takes my ordinary life and apply excellence to each moment - not just putting bandaids on issues and just barely getting by.

Today is the a fresh start.  To be honest, I feel mixed emotions about that.  There is promise and excitement and there is overwhelm and fear.  Funny how sometimes life sends the same message over and over (apparently once is not enough).  Between listening to a podcast, reading from a book and a much needed parking lot pep talk, the message is clear - Scrap the huge mental to do list and just focus on the one thing that is right in front of me!  Feeling overwhelmed is not going to be even remotely helpful.  Being in the moment, putting one foot in front of the other and just focusing on the requirements that have been laid out for me is how I will move forward this month.

Overwhelm

Overwhelm - to bury or drown beneath a huge mass

This past week has felt more than a little overwhelming.  Overwhelm seems to be a fairly close companion of mine since my concussion.  Life is hectic and my new brain does not seem to adapt as quickly as my old brain did.  This often leads to anxiety attacks and an inability to function - basically the feeling that you are literally drowning.  This week I have managed to keep the later at bay, but just barely...

So what is so overwhelming... 

Well, this is my busiest month for work.  Deadlines are looming (only four more days).  In my business, I do not do taxes but it is my job to make sure that everyone else is ready to do their taxes over the next couple months.  I can see in more than a few instances where I perhaps did not put enough of a focus on work leading up to this month and now I am paying for that as the deadlines loom. 

The next bit of stress is we are renovating our basement.  Not just one room but the whole thing.  My husband is determined to get this done as quickly as he humanly can.  We started in January and I will be shocked if we aren't done within the next 3 weeks.  To put it in perspective, I am not talking about a coat of paint.  We have taken down walls, built new walls, put in new ceilings and flooring.  We are on the home stretch yet we are working on the hardest part at the same time - a bathroom that has been a storage closet for 30+ years and a hallway/office area.  This past week found us with a small pool of water leaking from the shower in the main floor bathroom.  This issue is now fixed but it did cause us to lose an entire day on Saturday and much stress.  I am grateful that we did find the leak exactly when we did.  It was the last moment before we would have had a real mess in the near future.  I am also grateful that things are continuing to progress and a project we have talked about for many years will finally be done (plus it is one of my personal requirements).

That leads to kung fu....  My start this year has been slower than I would like.  Although my requirements come to mind multiple times a day, being pulled in every direction does not always lead to the doing part after the thinking part.  I have continued to poke all of it with a stick but that stick needs to get bigger and harder.  I have also been doing a lot of work with Sifu Hayes on some of my stances, particularly my cat stance and horse stance.  I believe I am making some progress but the old habits keep sneaking back in especially when I am doing forms.  This has been my focus the past few weeks.  I am also starting to really feel overwhelmed looking forward at all that I need to accomplish this year.  I have received all the advice about just do the IHC requirements, come to classes, work hard at home.  I have also received more than a few pep talks (a huge thank you to all my people).  I know that much of this feeling comes from not feeling as prepared as I feel I should right now because I look back at lost opportunities.  I also know that the general state of my life is fueling this feeling.  I suspect that this feeling will linger for much of this year.  I will need to learn how to use it instead of be buried by it.

This is where I am at as of right now.  I know that I must just keep my head down and keep plowing on the work front for the next four days.  I will try to take the lessons I am learning on the aftermath of procrastination into the rest of my life.  I will keep moving forward.  Deep breathe, now carry on!

Consistency In Progress...

This week the plan was to blog about the new routines that I have been working to put into place for a few of my requirements.  I was going to talk about how wonderfully they are starting to work.  Doesn't that sound like a fantastic blog!

Well.....  That blog was meant to be written on Sunday.  It is now Tuesday night.  It appears that my routines are still a work in progress.  Not exactly the message I was hoping to bring forward but the lesson is still ongoing.

One of the routines that I have consistently had in place for several years is still serving me well.  I have a reading goal that I use to centre myself on a daily basis.  This is one of the first things that I do each morning (after I brew my hubbie his pot of coffee).  I curl up with a blanket in a comfy chair with the ipad and I read my Bible.  I have had to refine things over the years to help this habit work.  I use an online app most days so the family ipad is the go to device.  The biggest bonus is that I can't access any of my own texts, emails or social media on this device.  No distractions, just quiet focus where my mind needs to be first thing in the morning.

Another goal that has served me well over the years has been keeping a personal journal.  I have dabbled with the timing on this over the years.  I started out with it as a way to sum up my day.  I found that my journals were often filled with should have/could have negative self talk.  I switched it up to writing in the morning.  This worked well to focus my day and I found that it turned into quite a pep talk.  As awesome as this is, I found it hard to maintain because as good as my intentions are, life seems to happen and it seems to happen early.  If the first part of the morning would get away on me, then I had that sweet quiet moment once hubbie left for work and the kids caught the bus.  That is not my reality any longer with one at home full time so an adjustment was needed.  The past couple weeks I have been writing right after lunch most days.  My sweet girl settles down into a 1/2 hour of quiet reading.  This has proven to be a great time to write and then read with her.

That covers off a few of my goals but there are many more where consistency is proving to be a struggle.  I have discovered the value of get things done earlier in the day as it is very difficult to accomplish everything that has been missed once you are in your fuzzy jammies settling down for the night.  Nights in our home are busy and I am not really a night person.  Early is much better than later.

I find that I also struggle with this time of day called "later".  It is not that I don't think of the things that I need to do throughout the day, I just tell myself that this moment is not a good time and that I will conquer that "later".  Then I find myself reviewing my day in fuzzy jammies trying to figure out why my numbers are not where I'd like them to be.

I am blessed with a great deal of flexibility in how I spend my day.  I am sure many people covet that flexibility.  What I have discovered though is that this flexibility also means my days often lack imposed structure.  To succeed in mastery, there must be a degree of structure.  Since my life lacks imposed structure, it is up to me to develop self imposed structure or simply put routines.  Although I understand this and it really sounds simple, it has proven to be a struggle for me to fully implement.  This is a key focus that I will continue working on this year.  Why?  I want to achieve my goals and the only way that will happen is if I put in the work.