Overwhelm

Overwhelm - to bury or drown beneath a huge mass

This past week has felt more than a little overwhelming.  Overwhelm seems to be a fairly close companion of mine since my concussion.  Life is hectic and my new brain does not seem to adapt as quickly as my old brain did.  This often leads to anxiety attacks and an inability to function - basically the feeling that you are literally drowning.  This week I have managed to keep the later at bay, but just barely...

So what is so overwhelming... 

Well, this is my busiest month for work.  Deadlines are looming (only four more days).  In my business, I do not do taxes but it is my job to make sure that everyone else is ready to do their taxes over the next couple months.  I can see in more than a few instances where I perhaps did not put enough of a focus on work leading up to this month and now I am paying for that as the deadlines loom. 

The next bit of stress is we are renovating our basement.  Not just one room but the whole thing.  My husband is determined to get this done as quickly as he humanly can.  We started in January and I will be shocked if we aren't done within the next 3 weeks.  To put it in perspective, I am not talking about a coat of paint.  We have taken down walls, built new walls, put in new ceilings and flooring.  We are on the home stretch yet we are working on the hardest part at the same time - a bathroom that has been a storage closet for 30+ years and a hallway/office area.  This past week found us with a small pool of water leaking from the shower in the main floor bathroom.  This issue is now fixed but it did cause us to lose an entire day on Saturday and much stress.  I am grateful that we did find the leak exactly when we did.  It was the last moment before we would have had a real mess in the near future.  I am also grateful that things are continuing to progress and a project we have talked about for many years will finally be done (plus it is one of my personal requirements).

That leads to kung fu....  My start this year has been slower than I would like.  Although my requirements come to mind multiple times a day, being pulled in every direction does not always lead to the doing part after the thinking part.  I have continued to poke all of it with a stick but that stick needs to get bigger and harder.  I have also been doing a lot of work with Sifu Hayes on some of my stances, particularly my cat stance and horse stance.  I believe I am making some progress but the old habits keep sneaking back in especially when I am doing forms.  This has been my focus the past few weeks.  I am also starting to really feel overwhelmed looking forward at all that I need to accomplish this year.  I have received all the advice about just do the IHC requirements, come to classes, work hard at home.  I have also received more than a few pep talks (a huge thank you to all my people).  I know that much of this feeling comes from not feeling as prepared as I feel I should right now because I look back at lost opportunities.  I also know that the general state of my life is fueling this feeling.  I suspect that this feeling will linger for much of this year.  I will need to learn how to use it instead of be buried by it.

This is where I am at as of right now.  I know that I must just keep my head down and keep plowing on the work front for the next four days.  I will try to take the lessons I am learning on the aftermath of procrastination into the rest of my life.  I will keep moving forward.  Deep breathe, now carry on!