Start Where You Are

The Year of the Pig has been underway for nearly a week.  I have to say that my start has not been strong.  There are a variety of reasons- illness being one of them.  Then there are a pile of excuses - busyness, funk from the delightfully cold weather we are experiencing and just general complacency.  For the past week, I've been poking away at requirements but not with full commitment.

The banquet always helps to give me an attitude adjustment.  Watching the candidates this past year has filled me with mixed feelings.  There is a general sense of awe at how they just nailed every part of their year.  They followed to program laid out before them.  They did not question why they needed to do what was asked, they just did it.  The improvement over the year was incredible to watch.  They may not have been able to see it themselves, but it was evident to those watching their progress.

Then there is this feeling that is hard to define but it is definitely not as comfortable.  I'm not sure how exactly to explain it because it is a mixed up mumble in my own mind.  I know the feeling originates from the disbelief that I too can achieve that level of awesomeness.  I truly question my ability to ever be prepared to grade let alone actually pass.  These feelings come from a high level of respect for all those who have travelled before me mixed in with a heavy dose of lack of faith in my own abilities.

Anyways, back to where I had planned to take this blog...  Start where you are...

A couple weeks ago I was wandering through the library waiting for my girl to be ready to head home and this book title jumped out at me from the shelf.  It was "Start Where You Are".  I initially walked away but something in me kept drawing me back so finally I decided to just sign it out.  I have not really had the chance to get very far with it but the initial message is one that I needed right now.

Life is a journey.  Right now I am just starting out on the road that I hope will lead to grading day in the fall.  Part of me is looking backward with regret.  I should have started preparing earlier...  If only I had done a better job with my Dog year requirements...  I should have's and if only's are really only good from making me feel badly about myself.  They do not spur me on or inspire.  What I have been doing the past week is working to first acknowledge exactly where I am right now and then to accept it.  I have found the acknowledgement part far easier than the acceptance part, if I'm being honest.  It is only from the place of acknowledging and accepting that I can truly make a plan to progress forward in a meaningful way - to start where I am - not where I wish I was.

This week I have set the goal to be mindful about where I am and what I need to be doing not just in that day but in that moment to keep inching forward.  The new black belts have shown all of us that what we need to do is just follow the program.  My plan is to be able to blog next week saying that I have not only followed the program but have managed to make up some of the lost ground from this week.  You would think after being on the team for so many years that this would be easy, but I am finding that the longer I am on the team, the harder it is proving to be.

On a side note...  My weapon came in the mail on Friday!  I am ridiculously giddy about how pretty it is...  Sorry Mr. Sollinger...  I promise I will do my best to make it look pretty mean instead of just plain ole pretty.