This past winter felt long, hard and dark. Someone I was talking to yesterday commented that we had 97 days of January this year. It felt like winter would never end... It is easy to curl up in the darkness and hide but that is not useful.
I'm going to step out on a limb and declare that winter is OVER!!! Spring has finally arrived and with it the sun has been working hard to pop out. It is time to emerge from hibernation and face what the bright light is revealing.
Last week I found myself learning a lesson about slowing down. The beauty in slowing down is you actually have time to think and to really look around. Then that bright light shone in and I was left looking at a great deal of truth. There is no hiding in the light.
The reality is, I am not where I want to be. My numbers are not where I want them to be. My relationships are not where I want them to be. My home is in desperate need of a declutter and spring clean. I don't even want to talk about the body clutter that seems to have found me in the dark of winter. I could look at nearly every area of my life and point out something that the light has revealed.
Now that I have taken stock of where I am at, I have choices to make.
If I follow the path of past mistakes, I will beat myself up about all of this then proceed to feel terrible. The next step along that path forks out into two directions. The first direction is to try to fix it all at once until I finally drop into a hot mess of burn out or illness. Coming from a place where I just had a forced rest for a head cold, this is NOT the path that I want to travel. The second direction is to feel too overwhelmed and do nothing. Neither of these options have served me well in the past. This path is well worn but I know that it will lead me straight off a cliff....
I spent hours working with a very wonderful neuropsychologist after my accident. She worked hard trying to teach me to drop my perfectionist views of life and embrace a different way of looking at things. She encouraged me to try a new path - one of acceptance.
Today I choose to accept where I am on my path. Today I choose to look around and accept what the bright light is showing me. Today I choose to just do what I can do. Tonight I will choose to let go of the things that I was not able to do today because that guilt is not helpful. Tomorrow I will repeat the process. I will never make consistent progress on this journey if I am not first and foremost kind to myself.
This is not a path that I am at all familiar with. Honestly, it feels like looking up the side of a mountain without a marked trail. I do know that if I can start to slowly work my way up the mountain, that the views at the top with outstanding!
Numbers as of April 30/18
Push ups 4,119/ 50 000
Sit ups 4,115/ 50 000
Kempo 80/ 1000
WuDang Sword 169/ 1000
Distance 363.9/1609
Kicks 709/ 50 000
Sparring 218/ 1000
AoK 209/1000
Gratitude 207/1000
Journal 68/355
Piano 11.0 hours/ 80 hours
Reading 5/24 books
Geocaches 9/120 finds
Tuesday, 1 May 2018
Monday, 23 April 2018
Forced Slow Down
What a crazy, wild ride the past couple weeks have been. I attended a bunch of extra classes to get a better handle on the grappling curriculum. Work has been steady. Chad & I have started looking at starting a new business venture that has taken time. Kids keep me hopping... I have been living life full out, that is until I could not keep up that pace one second longer.
Last Wednesday was a definite high in my kung fu life. I focused in and met the goal of getting that last stripe. I'm not so sure my precious son fully appreciated the beating required but I am grateful that he let me use him as a victim. I am also grateful for the additional attention that Sifu Lindstrom sent my way during that time. It was a successful push. I did indeed meet my goal. It really was a pretty exciting moment.
Then Thursday hit... I felt tired and slow all day long. I managed to push through all that was required of me but barely. I had a sweet friend hang up the phone on me after telling me to just go have a nap. Friday was another day filled with go, go, go... As the day wore on, I felt worn out. By the time I went to bed I knew that there was a head cold on it's way.
This weekend, I stripped life back to the must do's. Kids made to it their activities on Saturday morning. Groceries were purchased on Sunday to start the week. Nothing else happened!!! Just napping and reading...
Today I am still operating in my slowed down state. I made it to class but drank peppermint tea while watching everyone else kick the bags. It was a class that I know I needed to do but I just did not have it in me. Then it was home for another nap. Tonight, Chad is helping me out with much of the driving to and from the kwoon - another item to add to my gratitude list.
We spend a great deal of time talking about progressing wisely and not approaching mastery in an all or nothing manner. This past week, I failed to do this and my body is now reminding me that indeed, I am a mere mortal. I knew that I had been pushing myself too hard over the past few weeks without enough downtime and rest. I was reminded that if I do not listen to my body, it will talk a whole bunch louder and it will get my attention. Perhaps this time I will learn from this forced slow down...
Last Wednesday was a definite high in my kung fu life. I focused in and met the goal of getting that last stripe. I'm not so sure my precious son fully appreciated the beating required but I am grateful that he let me use him as a victim. I am also grateful for the additional attention that Sifu Lindstrom sent my way during that time. It was a successful push. I did indeed meet my goal. It really was a pretty exciting moment.
Then Thursday hit... I felt tired and slow all day long. I managed to push through all that was required of me but barely. I had a sweet friend hang up the phone on me after telling me to just go have a nap. Friday was another day filled with go, go, go... As the day wore on, I felt worn out. By the time I went to bed I knew that there was a head cold on it's way.
This weekend, I stripped life back to the must do's. Kids made to it their activities on Saturday morning. Groceries were purchased on Sunday to start the week. Nothing else happened!!! Just napping and reading...
Today I am still operating in my slowed down state. I made it to class but drank peppermint tea while watching everyone else kick the bags. It was a class that I know I needed to do but I just did not have it in me. Then it was home for another nap. Tonight, Chad is helping me out with much of the driving to and from the kwoon - another item to add to my gratitude list.
We spend a great deal of time talking about progressing wisely and not approaching mastery in an all or nothing manner. This past week, I failed to do this and my body is now reminding me that indeed, I am a mere mortal. I knew that I had been pushing myself too hard over the past few weeks without enough downtime and rest. I was reminded that if I do not listen to my body, it will talk a whole bunch louder and it will get my attention. Perhaps this time I will learn from this forced slow down...
Tuesday, 17 April 2018
Flip, Knee, Flip, Shrimp, Knee, Flip, Flip
Yup, I have grappling on the brain. The past couple weeks, I have really been focusing on learning the grappling curriculum. I have done my best to attend every class that I possibly can when grappling is being taught. I am starting to see the patterns and how the system fits together depending on if you are in guard, mount or side mount. Yet even with the patterns, there is still a lot to retain. Some of the techniques do not fall within the patterns and some of them have so many steps.
Last night in class, we went over the shrimp out elbow (at least this is what I think it is called) escape from full mount. I have been thinking about this technique, reciting the steps, dreaming about this technique because it is has so many steps. I learned this technique months ago. I was left asking when do I flip? When do I shrimp? Really I was left with months of confusion to sort out. The constant review over the past week has really helped to solidify the sequence of this complex technique.
It has been very cool and rewarding to see progress over the past couple weeks in this area. What is not quite as cool is how being so focused as left other area unattended to. As there often is, trade offs are made in the short term when mastery is a goal. I'm not sure it is possible to master multiple areas of life all at the same time. I know the goal is to focus on something while at the minimum keeping everything else in maintenance mode. As your focus shifts between what you are mastering, every part of life continues this upward trajectory. I feel that I have struggled to do the maintenance part lately but I will keep plugging on along, making course corrections as I am able.
Last night in class, we went over the shrimp out elbow (at least this is what I think it is called) escape from full mount. I have been thinking about this technique, reciting the steps, dreaming about this technique because it is has so many steps. I learned this technique months ago. I was left asking when do I flip? When do I shrimp? Really I was left with months of confusion to sort out. The constant review over the past week has really helped to solidify the sequence of this complex technique.
It has been very cool and rewarding to see progress over the past couple weeks in this area. What is not quite as cool is how being so focused as left other area unattended to. As there often is, trade offs are made in the short term when mastery is a goal. I'm not sure it is possible to master multiple areas of life all at the same time. I know the goal is to focus on something while at the minimum keeping everything else in maintenance mode. As your focus shifts between what you are mastering, every part of life continues this upward trajectory. I feel that I have struggled to do the maintenance part lately but I will keep plugging on along, making course corrections as I am able.
Thursday, 12 April 2018
Stepping Forward & Taking Charge
Why did I join kung fu? Was it to get my black belt?
Honestly, I did not mean to join kung fu. I had originally enrolled Waylon based on a recommendation from an occupational therapist to help him with his balance and gross motor skills. I had planned to be the mom on the bench. Funny things happen on that bench... There are other moms on that bench and sometimes, they take kung fu too.
Over the years, I migrated from the bench to the mats. I originally joined because it looked like fun and I needed some exercise. The class times worked since the kids were in school and I was able to hang out with a great group of moms. My goals at that point were to simply show up, sweat, laugh and learn something new. To me the belts were not really super relevant or important. It was nice to see stripes because they officially marked progression and improvement but they were not what drove me to the mats.
Fast forward several years and I find that the same things keep bringing me back to the mats. I show up. I sweat. I laugh. I learn something new. I hang out with an inspiring group of people. Yet as much as that part has stayed the same, there has been a shift. That black belt that I never imagined as a possibility is now potentially right around the corner. I have admitted several times that this possibility has come with a great deal of "feelings" as of late.
With only one stripe left, I needed to take a hard look at my own goals and how I am approaching kung fu. The one stripe that I have left is grappling. I had a choice to make. I could continue on the way I have been but this path did not look like one that would lead to me really learning the grappling curriculum anytime soon. After all, just imagine trying to learn grappling from someone who is pregnant with twins. We all had a few laughs but then had to come up with a new plan.
This plan required me to take my progress fully into my own hands and reach out for help. The plan requires me to be at open training asking questions and attending any and every class offered at the school that I can get to when grappling is being taught. Lucky for me, this seems to be the focus this week and next. What this meant for me yesterday was three kung fu classes filled with learning and practice. Being able to learn the techniques in the morning, then come back later in the day and really work on them really helped. I was one tired girl at the end of the day though.
This week I chose to not let the "feelings" rule and stepped out. We often talk about the qualities of a black belt. The one most often mentioned is the eye for detail. This will always been something that I am striving for but this week I was focused on a different quality - actually taking initiative and in many ways control over my own journey. Thank you Sifu Rybak, Sifu Lindstrom and Sifu Freitag for the support as I step out of my comfort zone.
Honestly, I did not mean to join kung fu. I had originally enrolled Waylon based on a recommendation from an occupational therapist to help him with his balance and gross motor skills. I had planned to be the mom on the bench. Funny things happen on that bench... There are other moms on that bench and sometimes, they take kung fu too.
Over the years, I migrated from the bench to the mats. I originally joined because it looked like fun and I needed some exercise. The class times worked since the kids were in school and I was able to hang out with a great group of moms. My goals at that point were to simply show up, sweat, laugh and learn something new. To me the belts were not really super relevant or important. It was nice to see stripes because they officially marked progression and improvement but they were not what drove me to the mats.
Fast forward several years and I find that the same things keep bringing me back to the mats. I show up. I sweat. I laugh. I learn something new. I hang out with an inspiring group of people. Yet as much as that part has stayed the same, there has been a shift. That black belt that I never imagined as a possibility is now potentially right around the corner. I have admitted several times that this possibility has come with a great deal of "feelings" as of late.
With only one stripe left, I needed to take a hard look at my own goals and how I am approaching kung fu. The one stripe that I have left is grappling. I had a choice to make. I could continue on the way I have been but this path did not look like one that would lead to me really learning the grappling curriculum anytime soon. After all, just imagine trying to learn grappling from someone who is pregnant with twins. We all had a few laughs but then had to come up with a new plan.
This plan required me to take my progress fully into my own hands and reach out for help. The plan requires me to be at open training asking questions and attending any and every class offered at the school that I can get to when grappling is being taught. Lucky for me, this seems to be the focus this week and next. What this meant for me yesterday was three kung fu classes filled with learning and practice. Being able to learn the techniques in the morning, then come back later in the day and really work on them really helped. I was one tired girl at the end of the day though.
This week I chose to not let the "feelings" rule and stepped out. We often talk about the qualities of a black belt. The one most often mentioned is the eye for detail. This will always been something that I am striving for but this week I was focused on a different quality - actually taking initiative and in many ways control over my own journey. Thank you Sifu Rybak, Sifu Lindstrom and Sifu Freitag for the support as I step out of my comfort zone.
Tuesday, 3 April 2018
Time, Stripes & Anxiety
Well, spring (we will use that term loosely) break is officially over tomorrow. Can't you hear all the kids groaning and moaning as they attempt to get out of bed in the morning? I'm sure I will hear my share in my home....
As anticipated, the past week had it's ups and downs and round and rounds... Leading up to the break I had these dreams and intentions of relaxation, fun and a trip to Calgary for Easter. Dreams and intentions are often foiled by real life.
This week was filled with far too much time at my computer. I agreed to take on a work project that I thought would only take about 10-12 hours. The reality was it took twice that amount of time. The result was a very tired brain for me. The kids on the other hand thought they hit the jackpot! When mom is busy, they tend to hide out on their own screens... Ugh, definitely not what I had planned. We did squeeze in our trip to Calgary with a delayed start date due to weather. It was good but rushed.
How does this relate to my kung fu journey? It is the realization how fast time is passing by. I anticipated this would be a tough week to stay on track. Even with that knowledge, I still struggled to get much of anything done. This has left me further behind where I would like to be and feeling some anxiety to get it together.
Actually to be honest, my journey in kung fu is causing me a great deal of anxiety as of late. On top of being behind in my requirements, I earned a stripe last week. Most of you are probably questioning how that can cause anxiety. I remember the days when stripes were sought after and celebrated. I have found that this has changed the further into my brown belt I go. Each achievement, each step is one step closer to grading year. Sifu Brinker warned me last fall to treat this year as though it were my grading year. His warning was that if I didn't set my sights there, I would then wait until the next year to start preparing.
I set my goals with this in mind but I have not made a great deal of headway on those goals as of yet. Right now I am honestly feeling a little stuck. I see where I believe I need to be. I see where I am. I know I have a ton of work ahead of me. I know that I need to just start moving forward but yet I feel frozen in place not knowing which foot to move first. I do need to start or like I was warned, this year will have passed me by... because even if the weather can't figure out it is April, time still marches on...
As anticipated, the past week had it's ups and downs and round and rounds... Leading up to the break I had these dreams and intentions of relaxation, fun and a trip to Calgary for Easter. Dreams and intentions are often foiled by real life.
This week was filled with far too much time at my computer. I agreed to take on a work project that I thought would only take about 10-12 hours. The reality was it took twice that amount of time. The result was a very tired brain for me. The kids on the other hand thought they hit the jackpot! When mom is busy, they tend to hide out on their own screens... Ugh, definitely not what I had planned. We did squeeze in our trip to Calgary with a delayed start date due to weather. It was good but rushed.
How does this relate to my kung fu journey? It is the realization how fast time is passing by. I anticipated this would be a tough week to stay on track. Even with that knowledge, I still struggled to get much of anything done. This has left me further behind where I would like to be and feeling some anxiety to get it together.
Actually to be honest, my journey in kung fu is causing me a great deal of anxiety as of late. On top of being behind in my requirements, I earned a stripe last week. Most of you are probably questioning how that can cause anxiety. I remember the days when stripes were sought after and celebrated. I have found that this has changed the further into my brown belt I go. Each achievement, each step is one step closer to grading year. Sifu Brinker warned me last fall to treat this year as though it were my grading year. His warning was that if I didn't set my sights there, I would then wait until the next year to start preparing.
I set my goals with this in mind but I have not made a great deal of headway on those goals as of yet. Right now I am honestly feeling a little stuck. I see where I believe I need to be. I see where I am. I know I have a ton of work ahead of me. I know that I need to just start moving forward but yet I feel frozen in place not knowing which foot to move first. I do need to start or like I was warned, this year will have passed me by... because even if the weather can't figure out it is April, time still marches on...
Monday, 26 March 2018
Momentum - Ebbs & Flows
Everywhere we look in life, there are cycles. Highs and lows... Then another round of highs and lows... We see this in nature, particularly in our lovely Alberta climate. We see this in our moods and energy.
I have noticed a trend over the past few years in the IHC. I usually start the week off with a high. I write my blog. I look at my numbers. I give myself I swift kick in the bottom and off to class I go... My momentum seems to waiver a little but then Wednesday I start my day off again with a kung fu class and I am back in the game again (at least to some degree). Thursday is often very busy but I have piano which is like a warm hug and then end the day off with class. No matter how the day has gone, it ends well. Friday... By Friday I find that I am sinking into a momentum low. My focus shifts to getting ready for the weekend. In the past the weekend has flown by full and fast but not with much intention with regards to my more physical requirements. Then I am back to my wake up call on Monday.
So far this year, I have managed to add another blip into the weekend by coming to open training. In the past, it was hard to get there. Saturday always seems to be busy, especially if Chad has the day off. It was not always well received when I'd want to take off in the middle of the day to go train. This year has been different because I am not the only one in the house wanting to take advantage of open training. It has been a huge help.
Looking more closely at my own personal cycle of kung fu momentum, there are a few things that I have noticed.
The first is that most days, even my highs are not quite high enough. Compared to the average person, the number of push ups I have already done this year is quite fantastic but I am not on track to meet my goals. I need to start edging those highs up to a level that will meet those goals but not to a level that is not maintainable.
The second thing that I would like to work on is the lows. Having ups and down is inevitable... My goal is to make the difference between those highs and lows as consistent and steady as possible. Really, the goal is to eliminate the all or nothing mentality. I would love to get to the point where my Monday check in was more of a celebration than a kick in the pants.
My goal this week is consistent momentum! Now this makes me giggle a little since it is spring break. All sense of any routine that I normally have has been virtually shot out the window. Then add to that, we are out of town for the Easter weekend. Yes, I have a planned trip right in the middle of where I usually lose my momentum... I indeed do have my work cut out for me.
Numbers as of March 25/18
Push ups 3229/ 50 000
Sit ups 3280/ 50 000
Kempo 37/ 1000
WuDang Sword 199/ 1000
Distance 192.8/1609
Kicks 581/ 50 000
Sparring 40/ 1000
AoK 120/1000
Gratitude 117/1000
Journal 34/355
Piano 7.0 hours/ 80 hours
Reading 4/24 books
Geocaches 4/120 finds
I have noticed a trend over the past few years in the IHC. I usually start the week off with a high. I write my blog. I look at my numbers. I give myself I swift kick in the bottom and off to class I go... My momentum seems to waiver a little but then Wednesday I start my day off again with a kung fu class and I am back in the game again (at least to some degree). Thursday is often very busy but I have piano which is like a warm hug and then end the day off with class. No matter how the day has gone, it ends well. Friday... By Friday I find that I am sinking into a momentum low. My focus shifts to getting ready for the weekend. In the past the weekend has flown by full and fast but not with much intention with regards to my more physical requirements. Then I am back to my wake up call on Monday.
So far this year, I have managed to add another blip into the weekend by coming to open training. In the past, it was hard to get there. Saturday always seems to be busy, especially if Chad has the day off. It was not always well received when I'd want to take off in the middle of the day to go train. This year has been different because I am not the only one in the house wanting to take advantage of open training. It has been a huge help.
Looking more closely at my own personal cycle of kung fu momentum, there are a few things that I have noticed.
The first is that most days, even my highs are not quite high enough. Compared to the average person, the number of push ups I have already done this year is quite fantastic but I am not on track to meet my goals. I need to start edging those highs up to a level that will meet those goals but not to a level that is not maintainable.
The second thing that I would like to work on is the lows. Having ups and down is inevitable... My goal is to make the difference between those highs and lows as consistent and steady as possible. Really, the goal is to eliminate the all or nothing mentality. I would love to get to the point where my Monday check in was more of a celebration than a kick in the pants.
My goal this week is consistent momentum! Now this makes me giggle a little since it is spring break. All sense of any routine that I normally have has been virtually shot out the window. Then add to that, we are out of town for the Easter weekend. Yes, I have a planned trip right in the middle of where I usually lose my momentum... I indeed do have my work cut out for me.
Numbers as of March 25/18
Push ups 3229/ 50 000
Sit ups 3280/ 50 000
Kempo 37/ 1000
WuDang Sword 199/ 1000
Distance 192.8/1609
Kicks 581/ 50 000
Sparring 40/ 1000
AoK 120/1000
Gratitude 117/1000
Journal 34/355
Piano 7.0 hours/ 80 hours
Reading 4/24 books
Geocaches 4/120 finds
Monday, 19 March 2018
Focus on the First One First
With each step, sit up, push up, form repetitions... No matter which goal you wish to attain in life, you need to just start. The big goal can seem daunting but as we focus on incremental progress and breaking it down into doable steps, it becomes just that - possible. Really it all starts with doing the first thing and then repeating that until you gets some momentum.
This little bit of wisdom is what I keep trying to remind myself of this year. I started the year full of excitement, ready to conquer the world. Some days I do conquer what needs to be done that day to complete my goals, many days I do not. Every day I do at least one thing to move me in the right direction inching my way forward.
There is one goal where I am having more issues just getting started than the others. I blogged about my tense relationship with my bathroom scale. It is not so much the scale that is the issue, really it is just a scale. The issue is the number that is shows and what that number represents. My scale does not lie. My scale is quick to show me exactly where I stand.
Lately my scale has been signaling to me that mediocrity has set in. Although my weight has been a struggle my entire adult life, I do know what I need to do to maintain a healthy weight for me. It is not easy and it takes a great deal of intentionality. It is an area of life where I can not allow mediocrity to sneak in and expect to be able to hide it.
So where am I with respect to this goal? Honestly, I am feeling extremely overwhelmed by where my habits have lead me. This goal is a little different in many ways than the other ones. It is not tracked necessarily by what I do but by what I am able to lose. There are many factors that come into play in order for me to be successful. In many ways, this leaves me feeling defeated and then struggling to start.
So what do I need to do about this? I have set a plan that is more easily trackable that will put me on the path to success. Really, what I need to do is take that first step, tracking my food, fighting back against the mediocrity. Most importantly, I need to focus on losing the first pound first and not be focused on the big number.
Numbers as of March 18/18
Push ups 2697/ 50 000
Sit ups 2697/ 50 000
Kempo 26/ 1000
WuDang Sword 89/ 1000
Distance 156.3/1609
Kicks 460/ 50 000
Sparring 0/ 1000
AoK 99/1000
Gratitude 94/1000
Journal 27/355
Piano 5.9 hours/ 80 hours
Reading 3/24 books
Geocaches 4/120 finds
This little bit of wisdom is what I keep trying to remind myself of this year. I started the year full of excitement, ready to conquer the world. Some days I do conquer what needs to be done that day to complete my goals, many days I do not. Every day I do at least one thing to move me in the right direction inching my way forward.
There is one goal where I am having more issues just getting started than the others. I blogged about my tense relationship with my bathroom scale. It is not so much the scale that is the issue, really it is just a scale. The issue is the number that is shows and what that number represents. My scale does not lie. My scale is quick to show me exactly where I stand.
Lately my scale has been signaling to me that mediocrity has set in. Although my weight has been a struggle my entire adult life, I do know what I need to do to maintain a healthy weight for me. It is not easy and it takes a great deal of intentionality. It is an area of life where I can not allow mediocrity to sneak in and expect to be able to hide it.
So where am I with respect to this goal? Honestly, I am feeling extremely overwhelmed by where my habits have lead me. This goal is a little different in many ways than the other ones. It is not tracked necessarily by what I do but by what I am able to lose. There are many factors that come into play in order for me to be successful. In many ways, this leaves me feeling defeated and then struggling to start.
So what do I need to do about this? I have set a plan that is more easily trackable that will put me on the path to success. Really, what I need to do is take that first step, tracking my food, fighting back against the mediocrity. Most importantly, I need to focus on losing the first pound first and not be focused on the big number.
Numbers as of March 18/18
Push ups 2697/ 50 000
Sit ups 2697/ 50 000
Kempo 26/ 1000
WuDang Sword 89/ 1000
Distance 156.3/1609
Kicks 460/ 50 000
Sparring 0/ 1000
AoK 99/1000
Gratitude 94/1000
Journal 27/355
Piano 5.9 hours/ 80 hours
Reading 3/24 books
Geocaches 4/120 finds
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