Time, Stripes & Anxiety

Well, spring (we will use that term loosely) break is officially over tomorrow.  Can't you hear all the kids groaning and moaning as they attempt to get out of bed in the morning?  I'm sure I will hear my share in my home....

As anticipated, the past week had it's ups and downs and round and rounds...  Leading up to the break I had these dreams and intentions of relaxation, fun and a trip to Calgary for Easter.  Dreams and intentions are often foiled by real life.

This week was filled with far too much time at my computer.  I agreed to take on a work project that I thought would only take about 10-12 hours.  The reality was it took twice that amount of time.  The result was a very tired brain for me.  The kids on the other hand thought they hit the jackpot!  When mom is busy, they tend to hide out on their own screens...  Ugh, definitely not what I had planned.  We did squeeze in our trip to Calgary with a delayed start date due to weather.  It was good but rushed.

How does this relate to my kung fu journey?  It is the realization how fast time is passing by.  I anticipated this would be a tough week to stay on track.  Even with that knowledge, I still struggled to get much of anything done.  This has left me further behind where I would like to be and feeling some anxiety to get it together.

Actually to be honest, my journey in kung fu is causing me a great deal of anxiety as of late.  On top of being behind in my requirements, I earned a stripe last week.  Most of you are probably questioning how that can cause anxiety.  I remember the days when stripes were sought after and celebrated.  I have found that this has changed the further into my brown belt I go.  Each achievement, each step is one step closer to grading year.  Sifu Brinker warned me last fall to treat this year as though it were my grading year.  His warning was that if I didn't set my sights there, I would then wait until the next year to start preparing.

I set my goals with this in mind but I have not made a great deal of headway on those goals as of yet.  Right now I am honestly feeling a little stuck.  I see where I believe I need to be.  I see where I am.  I know I have a ton of work ahead of me.  I know that I need to just start moving forward but yet I feel frozen in place not knowing which foot to move first.  I do need to start or like I was warned, this year will have passed me by... because even if the weather can't figure out it is April, time still marches on...