Do I Really Have To Go?

So it is confession time...  The first part of last week was brutal.  I was tired and stressed.  I was trying to get ready to leave to go camping.  We haven't been out for two years and our last trip out was definitely a disaster.  Anyone who has known us for any length of time is familiar with the failed quadding trip of 2013.  Chad had been gone for three weeks and was going to arrive home after doing 10 night shifts and I was to have it all ready to go.  My sweetest little fur baby was really sick.  She is nearly 14 years old and has had a brutal month.  I was afraid to even take her to vet because I feared the hard decisions that would need to be made.  The kids were wired for sound at the thought of daddy coming home and us going camping.


In all of this, all I could think was do I really have to go?  I almost asked Chad if I could just pack them all up and ship them all off.  I was done!


I did not do that.  I sucked it up, put on my big girl panties and had things ready to go.  Leaving the driveway I was sure that there were a ton of things that I had forgotten to do.  I decided that it all had to be good enough. I turned off my phone.  I disconnected from the world and off we went.

As it turns out, this camping trip was exactly what I needed.  I spent time relaxing with my peeps.  We played tons of Trouble, UNO and Crib.  We all took turns walking Guiness and loving on Sammie.  Chad took the kids on lots of boat rides leaving me back at the site to read my book and hang with the pooches.  I went from not wanting to go to being so incredibly at peace and at rest.  The rustle of the leaves.  The calling of the loons.  The crackle of the fire.  Giggles and belly laughs from everyone.  Sweet fur baby snuggles.  Life at some of its finest!

Then Saturday rolled around...  Once again I was back at do I really have to go...  Part of me really was ready to leave the campsite (all the long weekend crowd had shown up).  There was no more listening to the sounds of nature but instead the sounds of a super loud generators and really loud neighbours.  But, I was not ready to come home.  I was not ready to re-enter the world that I had turned off and left behind.

Since coming home, we have made a major purchase (those are always stressful), unpacked all the mess and totally cleaned out the trailer, packed everyone back up for a day out at Pigeon Lake with family to celebrate Way's birthday, run errands and packed Chad back up to send him off to work again.  I have tried desperately to keep the peace and rest in my soul that I had found last week.  There are moments where I have to work really hard at it.  There are moments were I have failed and felt totally stressed, rushed and really grouchy.  Yet, I have been able to pull it back to that quiet place.  It is easier to do now that I have that recent memory to fall back to.  My hope is to make that state a much more permanent one for not only me but for my whole family.