Fighting a Funk - Week 9

One of the requirements I signed up for when I started this year of mastery was that I would live out my journey publicly.  That means being honest and authentic.  Generally, I like to believe that I am an honest person.  There is one exception and that is when I am struggling.  I was raised to paste a smile on my face and carry on as if all is awesome and eventually the way I feel will catch up with how I am acting.  This week that is not working for me.  Honestly, I am struggling.  Absolutely every single thing that I have accomplished this week has been an act of sheer will.  Really, all I wanted to do was sit on the couch and eat chocolate.... Lots and lots of chocolate....  Did I mention chocolate....


Today while I was out on my afternoon jaunt, I was trying to figure out what is going on.  My goal this week was to focus more on forms.  Another moment of honesty - I did not do them.  Why?  Right now I feel like everything is broken.  A couple of weeks ago I had one of those light bulb moments in class.  We were talking about the root position for our hands and then the snap into place.  I realized that I was totally missing any rotation on the hand returning to my hip.  I have been trying to fix it but the process is painful.  When I practice my forms I spend so much time trying to figure out how to get to where both hands will snap.  I eventually figure it out but for now I feel like my hand techniques are broken.  With my knees, all of my kicks are broken.  I have to be slow and deliberate with every movement to make sure that my weight is balanced correctly on that knee.  If it is the one in the air, well let's just say there is no power (something about slapping a kitten...)  Then there is my staff form.  The section I am trying to get a handle on is one of the more tricky ones.  I was warned that it would take time, possibly months to get one specific technique. 


So to sum it up, I feel like my kung fu is totally broken. I am feeling frustrated.  I know that the only way to come out of this is to go through and put in the time.  As much as I love chocolate - it is not going to solve any of my issues.  I know I need to just focus and do it.


On a side note, in spite of all this funky business, I have kept up with my sit ups, push ups and walking.


Here are my YTD totals as of the end of week 9:


Push ups             7,249
Sit ups                7,505
Kempo                  56
Staff                      113
Sparring                65
KM                       135.3
AoK                     183


Personal Goals:
Gratitude Journal  182
Piano                     15.8 hours
Books finished       5 
Daily fruit - haven't missed a day!!!
365 photo challenge - 13 days missed
Daily journal - missed 2 days


So this week I will focus on my forms.  I also have a couple of personal goals that need some attention immediately.