First blog of the Year of the Rooster! Cock-A-Doodle-Do!
I know just a month ago I was writing about how much I love a fresh start. I really do believe that each moment can be a fresh start. If that feels like a stretch, then each morning. Yet, nothing feels as good as being able to wipe the slate clean. New goals to reach for. The numbers are zeroed. No longer feeling behind and fighting that guilt or trying to formulate in my brain whether it's possible to catch up. The feeling is invigorating.
Add to that feeling of newness, the feeling of inspiration. Watching fellow students push hard and then receive their promotions on Saturday lights a fire in your belly. Congrats to all of you! Really, this may be the first year where I have allowed myself to dream that this could be me someday. Then you start dreaming about having the perfect IHC year where you are consistent and you nail every goal and requirement. Can't you all just see it!
Now to back up the bus just a little... Last week, I had to make a day trip to Killam alone to attend a family funeral. The weather was foggy but the roads were good, yet the travelling was still long. To entertain myself, I played podcasts. I listened to a lot of great content that day - I did have 5 hours to soak it in. There was one quote that really stood out to me that day. One that is still speaking to me today nearly a week later. I suppose it was one that I personally really needed to hear.
I am moving through my days dreaming of the PERFECT year. What a dangerous word! So black and white... Either you've completely nailed it or you haven't... It leaves no room for deviation, no room for life to interfere...
The quote that keeps sticking with me was this - " Perfection demands that I be the best. Excellence asks that I do my best."
The difference between perfection and excellence looks so subtle yet it is so huge. The pursuit of mastery often brings out visions of perfection. BUT, if I am busy trying to be the best - is that really what this is all about. If I want to be the best, then that adds in competition and comparison. It does not breed grace and working with each other to better this world together. It allows for only one winner.
Excellence on the other hand allows me to be me - the best possible version of me. I have written about my goals seeming blah but the goals that I have are specifically chosen to make me the best me for this time and season. This allows me to celebrate with others as they also work towards excellence as they travel along their own journey. It allows me to fail and restart and fail and restart. This is important because this reflects the reality of how growth happens in the real world.
So here's to the start of the Year of the Rooster. May each of you rise to the challenge of excellence! I am looking forward to the chance to fail and succeed, to laugh and to cry, to sweat and rejoice alongside each of you.
Monday, 30 January 2017
Wednesday, 25 January 2017
Living Inspired & Reflecting
The past few months I've started listening to podcasts when I am alone in the car. One of my favourite finds is one by John O'Leary called Live Inspired. His tag line is "to wake up from accidental living so you can do, be, achieve and impact more through your life." Every week he interviews people with incredible life stories who often coincidentally have written books.
A couple weeks ago he interviewed a woman named Kathy Buckley, the author of If You Could Hear What I See. After listening, I wanted to read her book. Her life story is almost unbelievable but what she has done with it is incredible.
Kathy was born negative RH factor and needed a blood transfusion at birth, which the hospital was not prepared for. She did eventually receive it but not before the doctors felt that there may be some lifelong medical issues. They are unsure if this was the cause of her hearing loss but it definitely was the first time she received a label. The doctors told her parents that she would likely have cognitive delays.
Kathy was unable to hear anything. She figured out how to lip read and was able to get by. Any issues that she encountered, like not fully understanding situations, her speech delays and issues, behavioural issues were all chalked up to her being slow. It wasn't until she was around 8 years old that they even started to discuss that she had a hearing loss. This diagnosis was brushed off as though it should not impact her life and she was sent to a school for the mentally retarded because her parents found it easier to work with the concept that she may be just a little slow.
Over the years Kathy struggled through life not fully understanding what was going on around her - many cues in our world are auditory. She endured sexual abuse by a close family friend. She was run over by a lifeguard jeep while laying on the beach. She battled cancer alone. All of this before she was even thirty.
Then she received a gift. They forced her to take another hearing test. She was completely floored that she had full hearing loss and that she was not actually slow. The man who tested her had to tell her repeatedly that not only was she not slow, she was extremely intelligent. As a young girl, she figured out how to lip read well enough that her own family was unaware of her hearing issues. She was able to use vibrations and lip reading to figure out how to speak without having heard the sounds. She was given hearing aids that actually worked for her type of hearing loss. She started to have realization after realization.
Since this time, she has gone from being on disability and not believing in herself at all to be a comedian and motivational speaker. Her story is very incredible and I would highly recommend her book (just a warning... there is some language in it and the topic of sexual abuse is also discussed).
The part of her story that really impacted me the most was the negative place she was in. She believed she couldn't do anything. She had people in her life encouraging her to step out, believing in her. Her response was always "I can't." She used the visual of a monster in the pit of her stomach that would grow with every negative word or thought. She did accept that she had allowed this monster to grow by accepting the negative thoughts and labels and then by replaying them over and over. A powerful quote is "My thoughts and words had become my enemy, my limitation, my disability."
Then she remembered her power to choose. She had allowed this monster to grow but she could choose to face it and bit by bit tear it apart. She started stepping out and trying things even though she was afraid that she'd fail. She took steps forward until the negative was gone and she was able to live in joy.
I remember one of my first chats on "the couch" in the office about the IHC team. I was terrified to say the least of the requirements. I remember saying that I was tired of "I can't". I was ready to see what I could do. Two years in, the requirements do not seem as big or as scary. I have not achieved them but instead of hearing myself say "I can't", I often finding myself adding "yet" to the end of it. I am now able to recognize when it is my choices that limit me, not my own capabilities. I have grown leaps and bounds internally through the trials of the past two years along with the support of the team. My monster is shrinking and the world is opening up!
A couple weeks ago he interviewed a woman named Kathy Buckley, the author of If You Could Hear What I See. After listening, I wanted to read her book. Her life story is almost unbelievable but what she has done with it is incredible.
Kathy was born negative RH factor and needed a blood transfusion at birth, which the hospital was not prepared for. She did eventually receive it but not before the doctors felt that there may be some lifelong medical issues. They are unsure if this was the cause of her hearing loss but it definitely was the first time she received a label. The doctors told her parents that she would likely have cognitive delays.
Kathy was unable to hear anything. She figured out how to lip read and was able to get by. Any issues that she encountered, like not fully understanding situations, her speech delays and issues, behavioural issues were all chalked up to her being slow. It wasn't until she was around 8 years old that they even started to discuss that she had a hearing loss. This diagnosis was brushed off as though it should not impact her life and she was sent to a school for the mentally retarded because her parents found it easier to work with the concept that she may be just a little slow.
Over the years Kathy struggled through life not fully understanding what was going on around her - many cues in our world are auditory. She endured sexual abuse by a close family friend. She was run over by a lifeguard jeep while laying on the beach. She battled cancer alone. All of this before she was even thirty.
Then she received a gift. They forced her to take another hearing test. She was completely floored that she had full hearing loss and that she was not actually slow. The man who tested her had to tell her repeatedly that not only was she not slow, she was extremely intelligent. As a young girl, she figured out how to lip read well enough that her own family was unaware of her hearing issues. She was able to use vibrations and lip reading to figure out how to speak without having heard the sounds. She was given hearing aids that actually worked for her type of hearing loss. She started to have realization after realization.
Since this time, she has gone from being on disability and not believing in herself at all to be a comedian and motivational speaker. Her story is very incredible and I would highly recommend her book (just a warning... there is some language in it and the topic of sexual abuse is also discussed).
The part of her story that really impacted me the most was the negative place she was in. She believed she couldn't do anything. She had people in her life encouraging her to step out, believing in her. Her response was always "I can't." She used the visual of a monster in the pit of her stomach that would grow with every negative word or thought. She did accept that she had allowed this monster to grow by accepting the negative thoughts and labels and then by replaying them over and over. A powerful quote is "My thoughts and words had become my enemy, my limitation, my disability."
Then she remembered her power to choose. She had allowed this monster to grow but she could choose to face it and bit by bit tear it apart. She started stepping out and trying things even though she was afraid that she'd fail. She took steps forward until the negative was gone and she was able to live in joy.
I remember one of my first chats on "the couch" in the office about the IHC team. I was terrified to say the least of the requirements. I remember saying that I was tired of "I can't". I was ready to see what I could do. Two years in, the requirements do not seem as big or as scary. I have not achieved them but instead of hearing myself say "I can't", I often finding myself adding "yet" to the end of it. I am now able to recognize when it is my choices that limit me, not my own capabilities. I have grown leaps and bounds internally through the trials of the past two years along with the support of the team. My monster is shrinking and the world is opening up!
Wednesday, 18 January 2017
Vanilla vs Chocoate with Sprinkles
The goal setting process for the Rooster year was a painful process for me. I struggled to come up with a list of goals in October. Nothing. I requested a meeting with Sifu Brinker in November. Left that meeting feeling less stuck. Sat through 2 more IHC meetings and still struggled to put anything down on paper.
The question really is, why was this such a struggle? The main goal of the IHC program is mastery of our lives. Have I mastered life? Not by a long shot! Have a really mastered anything? Outside of maybe procrastination - no, nothing has been truly mastered. So if the goal of the program is mastery and I have not mastered anything, logic would say that I really should have no issues coming up with a list of goals.
I used that logic and thought about what I need change in order to nail the life I currently have. The list could go on forever and ever. There is not a part of my life that does not need the attention that mastery brings - from my relationships, to health, our home, my work and that does not even include kung fu in specific. The list is endless.
So why was it so hard to set goals? I guess what it comes down to is that all of the items on my list felt very "vanilla" and I wanted to write down something that was "chocolate with sprinkles". I wanted to set a goal that screamed amazing. I have watched others have these amazing experiences. I have watched two teams go to Alabama, friends and acquaintances go on missions trips, friends move their family to the other side of the globe, many fellow students grade for black belt. Then I looked at my list - declutter my house. Yup, definitely "vanilla"....
Then I realized that I was playing a very dangerous game. The comparison game. I needed to look at my own life and the season that I am in. I needed to not only accept that but embrace it. This is not the time for me to have a "chocolate with sprinkles" kind of goal. This is the time for me to focus on just being a better me each and every day. This comes in the small changes, in the incremental progress, in the "vanilla". The Year of the Rooster I will embrace the small "vanilla" steps with the mindset that it will prepare me to be able to jump on a "chocolate with sprinkles" experience when my opportunity knocks.
Wednesday, 4 January 2017
Saying Goodbye to 2016
This year I noticed a very disturbing trend on social media as the year 2016 closed. People were by and large extremely negative about the year. They couldn't wait to see it be gone. They painted the whole year as a complete disaster that almost seemed out to get them personally and that by turning over a calendar page that it would all be better.
I am a girl who loves a fresh start. I love the feel of the newness of a whole year. I get excited about that turn of the page. BUT, really was 2016 really truly that bad? Was there nothing good or redeeming in their lives last year? Nothing at all? Personally, 2016 had it's challenges, just like everyone else, but where we place our focus is what will define what kind of year 2017 will be. I really can't help but feel really sad for the people who were so negative because with that attitude and focus, how will 2017 be any different or better. The hard will come but in it there is always something good.
So, as I said goodbye to 2016, there were two major changes or victories that I have chosen to hold onto.
The first one is the changes I have made to my physical health. Since August I have worked hard to clean up my eating habits. I have worked hard to increase my overall physical fitness level. Now back to that question... Am I in the best shape of my life? Nope! Not even close. BUT I am in so much better shape than I was a year ago. I have lost 25 pounds. I no longer feel like I want to curl up and cry or die during warm up in class. I am not in the best shape of my life but I am headed in the right direction. I have made changes that will help me continue on this journey towards the best shape of my life.
The second change has been much more subtle, it is a mental perspective. When I was setting some goals for the new year over the holidays I noticed the change. I do believe that the changes to my physical health are a big part of it. I have faithfully attended my kung fu classes since I started about 5 1/2 years ago. Yet, I never had truly entertained the idea of a black belt. That was for other people. I never believed that it was even remotely a possibility. My journey through my blue belt has been hard. It has been riddled with injuries to overcome. Now as I am heading down the home stretch of that journey, I have noticed a change in mindset. Really, not that long ago I was happy to be a blue belt forever. Then there would be no pressure to step up my game. Now I'm finding that I am ready to push forward and see what the next part of this journey will look like. I am still scared to death of grading for a black belt - healthy respect for anyone who even attempts it. I have found myself setting the goal of getting my brown belt. I have found myself mentioning that I need to start looking at the black belt fitness requirements and start working towards them. I have found myself having these thoughts that actually sound like I may be entertaining the thought of jumping into this insanity of taking it to the next level. The change is subtle but trust me it is huge.
So with fear and trembling and excitement and anticipation, I am heading into 2017. I am ready to remember the good that 2016 has brought to my life instead of focusing on the parts that were hard and really sucked. It's all about perspective people. I can choose my focus and that will have a huge impact on any outcome. I know I can't control everything that will happen this year but I can control how I look at it. My heart is full of gratitude that I have the IHC team. Being surrounded by positive people who push me and believe in me has truly been life changing. I am looking forward to this next stage of my journey.
I am a girl who loves a fresh start. I love the feel of the newness of a whole year. I get excited about that turn of the page. BUT, really was 2016 really truly that bad? Was there nothing good or redeeming in their lives last year? Nothing at all? Personally, 2016 had it's challenges, just like everyone else, but where we place our focus is what will define what kind of year 2017 will be. I really can't help but feel really sad for the people who were so negative because with that attitude and focus, how will 2017 be any different or better. The hard will come but in it there is always something good.
So, as I said goodbye to 2016, there were two major changes or victories that I have chosen to hold onto.
The first one is the changes I have made to my physical health. Since August I have worked hard to clean up my eating habits. I have worked hard to increase my overall physical fitness level. Now back to that question... Am I in the best shape of my life? Nope! Not even close. BUT I am in so much better shape than I was a year ago. I have lost 25 pounds. I no longer feel like I want to curl up and cry or die during warm up in class. I am not in the best shape of my life but I am headed in the right direction. I have made changes that will help me continue on this journey towards the best shape of my life.
The second change has been much more subtle, it is a mental perspective. When I was setting some goals for the new year over the holidays I noticed the change. I do believe that the changes to my physical health are a big part of it. I have faithfully attended my kung fu classes since I started about 5 1/2 years ago. Yet, I never had truly entertained the idea of a black belt. That was for other people. I never believed that it was even remotely a possibility. My journey through my blue belt has been hard. It has been riddled with injuries to overcome. Now as I am heading down the home stretch of that journey, I have noticed a change in mindset. Really, not that long ago I was happy to be a blue belt forever. Then there would be no pressure to step up my game. Now I'm finding that I am ready to push forward and see what the next part of this journey will look like. I am still scared to death of grading for a black belt - healthy respect for anyone who even attempts it. I have found myself setting the goal of getting my brown belt. I have found myself mentioning that I need to start looking at the black belt fitness requirements and start working towards them. I have found myself having these thoughts that actually sound like I may be entertaining the thought of jumping into this insanity of taking it to the next level. The change is subtle but trust me it is huge.
So with fear and trembling and excitement and anticipation, I am heading into 2017. I am ready to remember the good that 2016 has brought to my life instead of focusing on the parts that were hard and really sucked. It's all about perspective people. I can choose my focus and that will have a huge impact on any outcome. I know I can't control everything that will happen this year but I can control how I look at it. My heart is full of gratitude that I have the IHC team. Being surrounded by positive people who push me and believe in me has truly been life changing. I am looking forward to this next stage of my journey.
Wednesday, 28 December 2016
An Unexpected Week
Earlier today I read Ms. Tomie's post about the lead up to her Christmas celebrations. I have so been there. The vision of the perfect Christmas. Then the near death experience of trying to pull that all together. I seriously own that T-shirt. It made my heart break a little inside for her when I pictured her nearly killing herself to get it all just so. I was happy to read that it had turned out purrfect in the end.
Last year I was placed on bed rest for the month on December. I HAD to let it all go. There was nothing perfect about the preparations. Nothing was done the way I felt it should be and there was really nothing I could do to change that. I was so hard on myself and really it was pointless because I had done my best.
I resolved that this year would be different. This year the goal of course was to have a lovely Christmas for my family - lovely, not perfect. The underlying current was that I was going to be kind to myself while doing my best. The result was that I was learning to be happy with good enough.
This year I had some major work deadlines that needed to be met before Christmas. This meant some longer work hours in front of my computer that my poor post concussion brain has not quite grown accustom to. The breaks and pacing that I have been using to cope had to take a back seat along with many other things in order to finish what needed doing. I had to carefully plan my days to make sure that everything that must be done, was getting done.
Then.... The flu hit... My perfectly planned universe was met by my sweet girl getting the flu bug the week before Christmas. All I could think was ugh - how am I going to care for her, get the gift purchased and wrapped AND meet my clients deadlines. All this stress and wasted emotion really for nothing. She really just wanted to sleep. The gifts did indeed all get purchased (the list was quite short this year anyway) and wrapped. I finished up the last of my client work at around 1:00 on Christmas Eve with a cheer.
Then it was time to prepare for Christmas dinner. One of our traditions is to have our big feast on Christmas Eve (as long as we aren't having company on the 25th) so that I do not have to cook on Christmas Day. So I started rolling the cabbage rolls and getting our celebration ready to roll. We ate. We hit the Christmas Eve service at church. We came home and opened our shiny new pj's, prepared for Santa and the reindeer (even the trail of shiny reindeer food running down the driveway) and started watching a movie as a family. Awesome!!!!!
The Christmas morning hit... Along with the flu's next victim... This time it was me... I had been so pumped. I was ready for Christmas. I was not ready for this flu bug. I am so grateful that my kids are older. They were so patient with the whole gift opening process which took 10 times longer than it normally would have because mom had to keep tapping out. Once the gifts were done I went to bed and slept.
Boxing Day arrived... This was the day we were supposed to pack up and drive to Calgary for Christmas with my family. That wasn't happening. I was way to sick. I slept through another full day with a crazy high fever.
Now this crazy flu has just settled into a cough and a runny nose but it sure did an amazing job of rearranging absolutely everything I had planned for Christmas this year. I guess it was just a sweet reminder that it is just a day. An even sweeter reminder that I have an amazing family who took such good care of me when I was completely sidelined. And the silver lining is (just like Sifu Brinker requested), I believe I have this year's flu bug out of the way before the banquet. (That is my Christmas gift to all of you.)
My extended family has been pretty amazing too. I believe we are working to arrange another try at a Christmas gathering either tomorrow or Friday at either our house or my parent's place at Pigeon Lake.
Anyways, that was my crazy, unexpected yet surprisingly blessed week.
Last year I was placed on bed rest for the month on December. I HAD to let it all go. There was nothing perfect about the preparations. Nothing was done the way I felt it should be and there was really nothing I could do to change that. I was so hard on myself and really it was pointless because I had done my best.
I resolved that this year would be different. This year the goal of course was to have a lovely Christmas for my family - lovely, not perfect. The underlying current was that I was going to be kind to myself while doing my best. The result was that I was learning to be happy with good enough.
This year I had some major work deadlines that needed to be met before Christmas. This meant some longer work hours in front of my computer that my poor post concussion brain has not quite grown accustom to. The breaks and pacing that I have been using to cope had to take a back seat along with many other things in order to finish what needed doing. I had to carefully plan my days to make sure that everything that must be done, was getting done.
Then.... The flu hit... My perfectly planned universe was met by my sweet girl getting the flu bug the week before Christmas. All I could think was ugh - how am I going to care for her, get the gift purchased and wrapped AND meet my clients deadlines. All this stress and wasted emotion really for nothing. She really just wanted to sleep. The gifts did indeed all get purchased (the list was quite short this year anyway) and wrapped. I finished up the last of my client work at around 1:00 on Christmas Eve with a cheer.
Then it was time to prepare for Christmas dinner. One of our traditions is to have our big feast on Christmas Eve (as long as we aren't having company on the 25th) so that I do not have to cook on Christmas Day. So I started rolling the cabbage rolls and getting our celebration ready to roll. We ate. We hit the Christmas Eve service at church. We came home and opened our shiny new pj's, prepared for Santa and the reindeer (even the trail of shiny reindeer food running down the driveway) and started watching a movie as a family. Awesome!!!!!
The Christmas morning hit... Along with the flu's next victim... This time it was me... I had been so pumped. I was ready for Christmas. I was not ready for this flu bug. I am so grateful that my kids are older. They were so patient with the whole gift opening process which took 10 times longer than it normally would have because mom had to keep tapping out. Once the gifts were done I went to bed and slept.
Boxing Day arrived... This was the day we were supposed to pack up and drive to Calgary for Christmas with my family. That wasn't happening. I was way to sick. I slept through another full day with a crazy high fever.
Now this crazy flu has just settled into a cough and a runny nose but it sure did an amazing job of rearranging absolutely everything I had planned for Christmas this year. I guess it was just a sweet reminder that it is just a day. An even sweeter reminder that I have an amazing family who took such good care of me when I was completely sidelined. And the silver lining is (just like Sifu Brinker requested), I believe I have this year's flu bug out of the way before the banquet. (That is my Christmas gift to all of you.)
My extended family has been pretty amazing too. I believe we are working to arrange another try at a Christmas gathering either tomorrow or Friday at either our house or my parent's place at Pigeon Lake.
Anyways, that was my crazy, unexpected yet surprisingly blessed week.
Tuesday, 20 December 2016
Precious Time
It is that time of year where we are all (or at least most of us) feel like we are losing our minds. There is so much to do, so many people to see - and just not enough time. Christmas is coming and all of the celebrations and preparations. The end of the year is looming and there are all those unmet deadlines and goals.
The past week or so I've been struggling with all of this. There just does not seem to be enough hours to do all that I feel I must. Then this morning as I was attempting to prepare myself to nail today's impossible to do list, there was a post on Facebook with a link to a TED talk. My first instinct was that I don't have time to listen to a talk. Then I reminded myself that I could do it while I cleaned the kitchen later (plus did I mention that I had found time to check Facebook)....
The perspective of this speaker really shifted my thinking - so much so that here I am writing a blog about it. I had not planned to write a blog today but the shift in priorities was needed. You see, there are two reasons that I have not blogged. The first is that the past couple weeks have been tough mentally. The second reason was that I felt there just wasn't time. That's an excuse. I simply did not want to blog. I know I agreed to do it. I know that it is so beneficial every time I do it, yet I chose to not do it under the guise that I do not have time. This is not just the case with blogging but with all of our IHC goals.
Today, I have time. Today, I will place my priorities at the top of the list. Today, I will chose to use my precious 24 hours in a way that will line up with my goals and priorities.
Anyways, I've attached the link to the TED talk below. For those of you who feel pressed for time, I think it was only about 15 minutes long. Take a listen while you clean the kitchen, you will be happy you did!
https://www.ted.com/talks/laura_vanderkam_how_to_gain_control_of_your_free_time#t-702324
Thursday, 8 December 2016
Habits
Habit - a settled or regular tendency or practice, especially one that is hard to give up.
The past two years, the primary focus of my goals for the IHC program has been to build little habits into my life. The end goal is to live in effortless effort - you know the state Sifu Brinker talks about where you are rocking the world and getting it all done yet it requires no real effort on your part.
I have realized in my quest to build these habits, that I really struggle. I can do what I am supposed to do day after day but then something upsets the applecart and it's gone in a blink. All of the practices I have been trying to put into place fall away so fast and I feel like I am back at square one.
I have put some thought into why this happens. First of all, it is really easy to be lazy and not do what needs doing. The other factor that I think has really been hampering me is that I have not actually built any real habits. There are no real triggers to the activities I am trying to incorporate - that is except the time on the clock at the end of the day as I am trying to cram in as much as I can.
I am so blessed to have the life I have. I get to stay home and be a mom while also running a small business. This lifestyle brings a different, crazy schedule each and every day. When you look at my calendar, the only constant is that there is no consistency. My days are busy and full but the habits don't seem to be forming. The only constant feels like my driving route to the kwoon and my white knuckles as I try to plow through my days. Yup, no effortless effort happening here - YET!
A couple weeks ago, Mr. Helm mentioned a book called The Power of Habit. I have picked this book up from the library and have started reading it. So far I am only part way into chapter one. I am definitely looking forward to getting some insight into habit forming.
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