The past few months I've started listening to podcasts when I am alone in the car. One of my favourite finds is one by John O'Leary called Live Inspired. His tag line is "to wake up from accidental living so you can do, be, achieve and impact more through your life." Every week he interviews people with incredible life stories who often coincidentally have written books.
A couple weeks ago he interviewed a woman named Kathy Buckley, the author of If You Could Hear What I See. After listening, I wanted to read her book. Her life story is almost unbelievable but what she has done with it is incredible.
Kathy was born negative RH factor and needed a blood transfusion at birth, which the hospital was not prepared for. She did eventually receive it but not before the doctors felt that there may be some lifelong medical issues. They are unsure if this was the cause of her hearing loss but it definitely was the first time she received a label. The doctors told her parents that she would likely have cognitive delays.
Kathy was unable to hear anything. She figured out how to lip read and was able to get by. Any issues that she encountered, like not fully understanding situations, her speech delays and issues, behavioural issues were all chalked up to her being slow. It wasn't until she was around 8 years old that they even started to discuss that she had a hearing loss. This diagnosis was brushed off as though it should not impact her life and she was sent to a school for the mentally retarded because her parents found it easier to work with the concept that she may be just a little slow.
Over the years Kathy struggled through life not fully understanding what was going on around her - many cues in our world are auditory. She endured sexual abuse by a close family friend. She was run over by a lifeguard jeep while laying on the beach. She battled cancer alone. All of this before she was even thirty.
Then she received a gift. They forced her to take another hearing test. She was completely floored that she had full hearing loss and that she was not actually slow. The man who tested her had to tell her repeatedly that not only was she not slow, she was extremely intelligent. As a young girl, she figured out how to lip read well enough that her own family was unaware of her hearing issues. She was able to use vibrations and lip reading to figure out how to speak without having heard the sounds. She was given hearing aids that actually worked for her type of hearing loss. She started to have realization after realization.
Since this time, she has gone from being on disability and not believing in herself at all to be a comedian and motivational speaker. Her story is very incredible and I would highly recommend her book (just a warning... there is some language in it and the topic of sexual abuse is also discussed).
The part of her story that really impacted me the most was the negative place she was in. She believed she couldn't do anything. She had people in her life encouraging her to step out, believing in her. Her response was always "I can't." She used the visual of a monster in the pit of her stomach that would grow with every negative word or thought. She did accept that she had allowed this monster to grow by accepting the negative thoughts and labels and then by replaying them over and over. A powerful quote is "My thoughts and words had become my enemy, my limitation, my disability."
Then she remembered her power to choose. She had allowed this monster to grow but she could choose to face it and bit by bit tear it apart. She started stepping out and trying things even though she was afraid that she'd fail. She took steps forward until the negative was gone and she was able to live in joy.
I remember one of my first chats on "the couch" in the office about the IHC team. I was terrified to say the least of the requirements. I remember saying that I was tired of "I can't". I was ready to see what I could do. Two years in, the requirements do not seem as big or as scary. I have not achieved them but instead of hearing myself say "I can't", I often finding myself adding "yet" to the end of it. I am now able to recognize when it is my choices that limit me, not my own capabilities. I have grown leaps and bounds internally through the trials of the past two years along with the support of the team. My monster is shrinking and the world is opening up!
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