The past few weeks have been filled with big decisions and impending change. Life has felt very chaotic and out of control. There have been some realities that I have been working through mentally and it has required a great deal of deep soul searching.
The first reality is that we are moving to Terrace, BC. When? That I cannot tell you at this time. Chad starts his new job there on October 1st. I need to get the house ready for sale, sold and then we can officially relocate. There are a few moving parts of this process that I can control. Most of it, I cannot... at least not at this time.
The second reality is that my sweet girl has a fractured tibia. She is in a cast until the end of the month and then an air boot. This has been a significant hit to her independence and as such has required me to be there for her virtually constantly to this point. We are working to find ways to make life easier for both of us.
The third reality is that I will not be grading for my black belt this year. In light of the first reality, this has been a major mental struggle. I feel like this is my one and only chance. This has lead to some major soul searching. My first reaction was to simply completely give up. Really, what's the point if I can't get my black belt. Why bother spending anymore time on this if I won't ever be able to grade? These are funny and foreign thoughts to a girl who had never really entertained grading until about a year ago. I also recognized that I made a commitment to the school, to the team and to myself to complete this year of mastery so why bother was no longer an option.
I need to make a choice about who is serving who in my relationship with kung fu.
The reality of where I am today and the training that would be required for me to grade in November, I would need to make myself a full time servant to kung fu. In light of all that is going on in the rest of my life, this is simply not possible. I actually believe that any attempt to do that would result in a very unhealthy balance for myself and my family in this time of change.
We are taught to train in kung fu so that kung fu can serve us in every area of our lives. If I were to simply throw in the towel and quit right now, it is almost like saying that there was no value to this way of thinking. This would be a massive disservice to the years that my instructors have poured into me and the work I have put in up until this point. The lessons have become a part of who I am. It does not turn off like a faucet.
I need to allow kung fu to serve me. I started taking kung fu because I needed the physical outlet and it allowed me to train with some fantastic people. I continued to train for these reasons. The mental stimulation has been a huge draw over the years, particularly through tough times of injury. The reasons for training were always to do with learning the art, not to achieve a specific belt level. Kung fu has invaded every part of my life - my mind, my body and my relationships. The next few months are filled with unknowns and change but one thing that I know for sure is that I have my kung fu training and my kung fu family to help me through this next stage of my journey.
Monday, 9 September 2019
Monday, 26 August 2019
Summer Reflections....
Everywhere you look you can see the signs that life is switching gears. The stores have pretty much hidden anything that resembles summer and all that can be found is back to school items. I've even seen the odd winter coat... Although that seems like it is rushing summer away, the reality is that the season is shifting.
I had this mental picture of what summer was going to look like. Camping, lots of time outside, more relaxed pace, time to recharge and collect myself...
That is not how life turned out this summer. Camping was cancelled for work (a little grateful because the weather that week was miserable). Time outside was hindered by our abnormally wet summer. The relaxed pace looked more like time to be a chauffeur driving people here and there and everywhere. I definitely do not feel recharged and collected. Last week I found myself at a place where what I needed most was to cancel everything that was not a must and spend our evenings at home.
I also had a dream that I was nailing my goals for this IHC year. The requirements for black belt grading would have been pretty much all checked off. The only one that I have successfully done is the First Aid Course. I would be well on my way as far as physically preparing for grading day. Well, I was not nearly as active as I planned. I do feel physically better than I did at the beginning of the summer but no great strides have been made forward in this area either. My house would be decluttered and clean. Now I really feel like I have been dreaming. It is nearly impossible to reorder life in your home when you are treating it as a launching pad all summer.
I am working at accepting where I am at right now. My dream and my reality have a serious gap between them. The past is done, all I can work on is the present. Life is about to get even busier with school starting but the introduction of more structure in our home will be helpful.
I had this mental picture of what summer was going to look like. Camping, lots of time outside, more relaxed pace, time to recharge and collect myself...
That is not how life turned out this summer. Camping was cancelled for work (a little grateful because the weather that week was miserable). Time outside was hindered by our abnormally wet summer. The relaxed pace looked more like time to be a chauffeur driving people here and there and everywhere. I definitely do not feel recharged and collected. Last week I found myself at a place where what I needed most was to cancel everything that was not a must and spend our evenings at home.
I also had a dream that I was nailing my goals for this IHC year. The requirements for black belt grading would have been pretty much all checked off. The only one that I have successfully done is the First Aid Course. I would be well on my way as far as physically preparing for grading day. Well, I was not nearly as active as I planned. I do feel physically better than I did at the beginning of the summer but no great strides have been made forward in this area either. My house would be decluttered and clean. Now I really feel like I have been dreaming. It is nearly impossible to reorder life in your home when you are treating it as a launching pad all summer.
I am working at accepting where I am at right now. My dream and my reality have a serious gap between them. The past is done, all I can work on is the present. Life is about to get even busier with school starting but the introduction of more structure in our home will be helpful.
Tuesday, 13 August 2019
Failing Forward....
Correction is essential to power and mastery. You see, we are all ordinary. But a master, rather than condemning himself for his "ordinariness," will embrace his ordinariness and use it as a foundation for building the extraordinary. Instead of giving up, as many ordinary people do, he will use his ordinariness to correct his errors, which is essential in the process of attaining mastery. You must be able to correct yourself without invalidating or condemning yourself, to accept results and improve upon them.
Mastery - Stewart Emery
There has been a strong focus on the technique of our side heel thrust kicks over the past month. Sifu Brinker has made it a mission to eradicate improper foot position within our kicks. As the lead instructor in our school, he has the ability to work with us on this mission but he is unable to complete it on his own. Each and every one of us must also do our part in order for this mission to be successful.
The position of my foot in the blade has been a key focus the past couple weeks. I have developed the habit over the years of having my toes just slightly ahead of my heel when doing a side heel kick. Since on the most part my toes are lower than my heel and my foot is held tight, it has escaped correction. Just because is has escaped correction, does not mean that it was accepted or is correct. Now that it has been found, it must be corrected.
The process of correction is one of complete mindfulness whenever I throw a side heel kick. I have been making use of any mirror that is strategically placed to ensure that to the best of my ability every single kick that I throw going forward has a better foot position. When I go slow and practice mindfully, I am able to achieve the correct position. This is possible! That is encouraging!
What I have found less encouraging is that despite this work, it has not truly become mine yet. On Saturday we were working on speed and power on the bag. Things started to fall apart fairly quickly. If I went slowly, I could get the correct position. If I added speed and focused on the foot position, then I found that the trajectory of my kick was swinging upward and not thrusting. If I stopped focusing as much on the blade and instead focused on the power and trajectory, the toes would sneak back forward again. Then as the minute would move along, fatigue would set in to the point where technique was extremely poor.
How do I proceed forward? The process of mastery is to accept where you are today and to make steps positive steps forward to improve. Emery encourages us to accept our ordinariness and use that as a foundation for correction. There is no room for bad attitude or negative self talk only acceptance and a plan to improve. Using this model, I will continue to use every mirror that I find to ensure that foot position is correct each time I throw the kick. I will increase the number of kicks that I am doing each day to work towards building new muscle memory. I will increase my cardio workouts to help me get over that half way mark when I am working on the bags. I will document my work and constantly evaluate where I am and correct as needed.
Will every kick be perfect? Nope. The only way to absolutely ensure that I will never throw another bad kick as long as I live is to honestly never throw another kick. That is not an option so I will give my best in each moment and at times I will succeed and at times I will fail. I will keep trying and failing and correcting and learning and moving forward. This is the process of mastery.
Mastery - Stewart Emery
There has been a strong focus on the technique of our side heel thrust kicks over the past month. Sifu Brinker has made it a mission to eradicate improper foot position within our kicks. As the lead instructor in our school, he has the ability to work with us on this mission but he is unable to complete it on his own. Each and every one of us must also do our part in order for this mission to be successful.
The position of my foot in the blade has been a key focus the past couple weeks. I have developed the habit over the years of having my toes just slightly ahead of my heel when doing a side heel kick. Since on the most part my toes are lower than my heel and my foot is held tight, it has escaped correction. Just because is has escaped correction, does not mean that it was accepted or is correct. Now that it has been found, it must be corrected.
The process of correction is one of complete mindfulness whenever I throw a side heel kick. I have been making use of any mirror that is strategically placed to ensure that to the best of my ability every single kick that I throw going forward has a better foot position. When I go slow and practice mindfully, I am able to achieve the correct position. This is possible! That is encouraging!
What I have found less encouraging is that despite this work, it has not truly become mine yet. On Saturday we were working on speed and power on the bag. Things started to fall apart fairly quickly. If I went slowly, I could get the correct position. If I added speed and focused on the foot position, then I found that the trajectory of my kick was swinging upward and not thrusting. If I stopped focusing as much on the blade and instead focused on the power and trajectory, the toes would sneak back forward again. Then as the minute would move along, fatigue would set in to the point where technique was extremely poor.
How do I proceed forward? The process of mastery is to accept where you are today and to make steps positive steps forward to improve. Emery encourages us to accept our ordinariness and use that as a foundation for correction. There is no room for bad attitude or negative self talk only acceptance and a plan to improve. Using this model, I will continue to use every mirror that I find to ensure that foot position is correct each time I throw the kick. I will increase the number of kicks that I am doing each day to work towards building new muscle memory. I will increase my cardio workouts to help me get over that half way mark when I am working on the bags. I will document my work and constantly evaluate where I am and correct as needed.
Will every kick be perfect? Nope. The only way to absolutely ensure that I will never throw another bad kick as long as I live is to honestly never throw another kick. That is not an option so I will give my best in each moment and at times I will succeed and at times I will fail. I will keep trying and failing and correcting and learning and moving forward. This is the process of mastery.
Wednesday, 7 August 2019
Thoughts...
Where am I? What am I doing?
I have been trying to use these questions to refocus my thoughts the past week with little success. I have been moving between two differing sets of relatively unproductive thought processes.
The first set of thoughts are focused on regrets. Would have... Could have... Should have... Yes, I am shoulding all over myself. I have had fantastic personal goals the past few IHC years. I have failed to meet them. There is the potential for some major changes coming for our family. I am paying the consequences of that delay and feeling the weight of regret. Oh so many regrets...
The second set of thoughts look more like chaos. The best description that I can come up with is to imagine what 20 little bouncy balls would look like bouncing around inside my head at a million miles an hour. Thoughts are running amok everywhere. All the things that need to be done and they all feel like they need to be done immediately. It is all very overwhelming. It leaves me with days on end where I am furiously trying to get something, anything done but never seem to make any headway because I keep distracting myself and leaving a trail of half done aftermath in my path.
I need to find a way to stay in the present. I need to find a way to settle in and make some significant progress in every area of my life - now!
Where am I? What am I doing?
Tonight I found myself in class completely lost in learning a new application with the tiger tail and working with a partner that I am grateful to have on this journey. Now I am taking care of this week's blog. Next stop is bed so that I can tackle tomorrow one moment at a time.
Monday, 29 July 2019
It's All About the Name
Forms... Patterns...
It is common in martial arts to have a series of movements that are prescribed and learned to practice the art. They have different names depending on what art you are choosing to study. The name of our series of movements in kung fu is form. This is important because it indicates what the focus of the practice is.
When we first are learning our forms, we honestly are focused on the pattern. There is a sequence that we need to learn and commit to memory. Some people find this stage easier than others but none the less, all must go through this stage. It is common in the stage to be more focused on what is coming next, to have long pauses while we remember where we are and where we are headed and simply to forget it all. This stage is honestly only the very start of the journey.
The second step is where we will spend the rest of our lives working - form. By the very nature of the name, the focus is not on the sequence or pattern of movements. The pattern is critical to the practice but it is not the key focus of the practice. The key is to be focusing on mastering the form of each individual moment within that sequence. It is the practice of seeking mastery of each movement and intent within the sequence. It allows a structured way in which to practice these deeper concepts.
It is not enough to say that you know the form. We must move past knowing to mastering. Part of the requirements of the IHC program is to do 1,000 repetitions of two forms throughout the year. There are two ways this can be accomplished. You can take the approach that you must just get it done and just blow through the requirement like it is a hoop to jump through. (Just a hint, this is not the intent behind the requirement at all, not to mention would be incredibly boring.) The second is to focus on the mastery of each moment, intent and movement within the form, practicing and applying an eye for detail. This is can frustrating at times but if this is truly applied, it will not be boring. Out of the struggle and frustration will come growth that can can't be realized through mindless practice. The art of kung fu is so rich with detail that you will never, ever run out of tweaks in the mastery journey.
It is common in martial arts to have a series of movements that are prescribed and learned to practice the art. They have different names depending on what art you are choosing to study. The name of our series of movements in kung fu is form. This is important because it indicates what the focus of the practice is.
When we first are learning our forms, we honestly are focused on the pattern. There is a sequence that we need to learn and commit to memory. Some people find this stage easier than others but none the less, all must go through this stage. It is common in the stage to be more focused on what is coming next, to have long pauses while we remember where we are and where we are headed and simply to forget it all. This stage is honestly only the very start of the journey.
The second step is where we will spend the rest of our lives working - form. By the very nature of the name, the focus is not on the sequence or pattern of movements. The pattern is critical to the practice but it is not the key focus of the practice. The key is to be focusing on mastering the form of each individual moment within that sequence. It is the practice of seeking mastery of each movement and intent within the sequence. It allows a structured way in which to practice these deeper concepts.
It is not enough to say that you know the form. We must move past knowing to mastering. Part of the requirements of the IHC program is to do 1,000 repetitions of two forms throughout the year. There are two ways this can be accomplished. You can take the approach that you must just get it done and just blow through the requirement like it is a hoop to jump through. (Just a hint, this is not the intent behind the requirement at all, not to mention would be incredibly boring.) The second is to focus on the mastery of each moment, intent and movement within the form, practicing and applying an eye for detail. This is can frustrating at times but if this is truly applied, it will not be boring. Out of the struggle and frustration will come growth that can can't be realized through mindless practice. The art of kung fu is so rich with detail that you will never, ever run out of tweaks in the mastery journey.
Wednesday, 10 July 2019
Knowledge and Application
What sets a black belt apart?
The first thing people often think of is the area of knowledge, particularly in the area of kung fu. It is true that there is always more knowledge that can be obtained, but a vast amount of the knowledge you need is shared early on in your training careers. The instructors at Silent River are free and giving of this knowledge. They share concepts with white belts that they may have little hope of truly understanding but the seeds are planted for the future. If you listen in class and ask questions, you cannot help but grow in the area of knowledge.
The area where a black belt shines is in the application of this knowledge. They take the information that they have received and they translate it into how they move their bodies. We can all sit there and recite how to do some of the more basic techniques but can we consistently perform that technique over and over no matter the situation. The example used last night was the side heel kick. This kick is one of the most basic building blocks of our art. We all know how a bladed foot should look. We all know what we should look like in this kick and how our body is to be aligned. We all know that the chamber is critical. By the time you reach black belt, the expectation is that this kick will be thrown properly every single time.
Another area of this applied knowledge is in our applications. As we are learning each technique, we will have a few different intents as we move through the sequence. A black belt's intent is to always be in the present moment and is constantly shifting as the moments unfold. The difference is two or three intents versus a thousand intents in one technique. This can only come through repetition, repetition, repetition..... As this is developing, it is common to see that the intents are clearly broken up. Often the intent to finish the technique is so strong that the intent to block the very first attack is missed or not executed well. This first block is vital because if you don't survive the attack, the rest of the technique is unnecessary.
The final area where this is evident is in the harmonies. A black belt has the internal and external harmonies working together and not fighting each other. There is an unbroken relationship within the harmonies that allows chi to work for you. As we grow in this area, we use our growing eye for detail to analyze how movement feels and then look for the relationship (harmony) that is out of balance. A black belt has the eye for detail to be able to self correct. As we walk our journey towards black belt, this sensitivity is to grow but can only do so if we are consciously focusing on it.
There is a huge difference between a white belt and a black belt. This gap is able to be overcome through consistent and intentional practice. The closer you get to stepping over the line of having earned a black belt, improvements will feel incrementally smaller and smaller but this is where the consistent and intentional practice is even more important.
The first thing people often think of is the area of knowledge, particularly in the area of kung fu. It is true that there is always more knowledge that can be obtained, but a vast amount of the knowledge you need is shared early on in your training careers. The instructors at Silent River are free and giving of this knowledge. They share concepts with white belts that they may have little hope of truly understanding but the seeds are planted for the future. If you listen in class and ask questions, you cannot help but grow in the area of knowledge.
The area where a black belt shines is in the application of this knowledge. They take the information that they have received and they translate it into how they move their bodies. We can all sit there and recite how to do some of the more basic techniques but can we consistently perform that technique over and over no matter the situation. The example used last night was the side heel kick. This kick is one of the most basic building blocks of our art. We all know how a bladed foot should look. We all know what we should look like in this kick and how our body is to be aligned. We all know that the chamber is critical. By the time you reach black belt, the expectation is that this kick will be thrown properly every single time.
Another area of this applied knowledge is in our applications. As we are learning each technique, we will have a few different intents as we move through the sequence. A black belt's intent is to always be in the present moment and is constantly shifting as the moments unfold. The difference is two or three intents versus a thousand intents in one technique. This can only come through repetition, repetition, repetition..... As this is developing, it is common to see that the intents are clearly broken up. Often the intent to finish the technique is so strong that the intent to block the very first attack is missed or not executed well. This first block is vital because if you don't survive the attack, the rest of the technique is unnecessary.
The final area where this is evident is in the harmonies. A black belt has the internal and external harmonies working together and not fighting each other. There is an unbroken relationship within the harmonies that allows chi to work for you. As we grow in this area, we use our growing eye for detail to analyze how movement feels and then look for the relationship (harmony) that is out of balance. A black belt has the eye for detail to be able to self correct. As we walk our journey towards black belt, this sensitivity is to grow but can only do so if we are consciously focusing on it.
There is a huge difference between a white belt and a black belt. This gap is able to be overcome through consistent and intentional practice. The closer you get to stepping over the line of having earned a black belt, improvements will feel incrementally smaller and smaller but this is where the consistent and intentional practice is even more important.
Tuesday, 2 July 2019
Demo Mishap...
Yesterday was Canada Day.
It started out as a beautiful day. I took my morning walk then popped into the bath for a soak. When I got out of the tub the weather had changed drastically...
The clouds seemed to not only bring in some pretty significant showers but also brought in some funk too. I can't really describe how I was feeling except to say that I was just off. Not a great day to feel that way but I pulled myself together and off to the demo we went.
I felt really quite calm going into the demo. I walked out and planned to really snap that first pose. I put a little extra wrist into the snap but instead of snapping my fan into place, I ended up throwing it to the ground with a little extra gusto....
All I could think was what happened?!? What can you do?
I picked up my fan and carried on. It took a couple moves to settle back in but I feel that I finished fairly strong considering the start. I honestly do not believe that the issue was caused by a lack of preparation. We can always be more prepared but this was really one of those weird moments. I have really been struggling with feeling very disappointed in myself.
Everyone did such an amazing job. In many ways, I feel like my mistake was a blemish on such a fantastic demo. Well done team! Thank you for rocking it out and helping take the focus off my mistake.
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