My mind is a busy and chaotic place. It rarely rests. The mental running list of things that I must do, should do and would like to do seems to be relentless.
After my concussion a few years ago, the neuropsychologist that I was seeing suggested meditation as a way to try to calm my mind. I understand the theory behind it. I have tried it on occasion. To be completely fair, I know that I have not given it enough consistent practice to be of any benefit. That is on me. Why? Well, my failed attempts have been frustrating. My mind wanders all over the place thinking about everything that I should or could be doing all at once. Then guilt sets in for just sitting or lying still. I tell myself that if I just get up and do this one thing, then I can sit back down having dealt with the problem and then I can focus. This is a lie. One thing leads to the next and then it's been literally months since I've tried.
Usually when I walk Guinness, my brain does not stop working either. We chat about everything in life, well I guess I should say that I process everything out loud while he enjoys being outdoors and listening to his person talk endlessly. I go over what I need to do that day, what I did not get done in the past, where I am failing to meet expectations, relentless thoughts. Often I come home feeling tired from all the mental activity. I have done so many things in my mind and then it feels like a let down when I walk back into our yard and everything is in the same state as when I left.
The last three days I have been trying something a little different. We are still heading out on our morning walks but I have chosen to take longer routes. My mind still wants to do all the things but instead I have been trying to keep bringing it back to my four senses (taste is not something I am choosing to use on our treks). Instead of thinking about what I will do after my walk, I am pausing to notice what is going on around me. I am choosing to be.
What have I noticed the past couple days? Here is a few things that I have noticed. I love the sound of the songbirds and the wind in the trees. I do not particularly like the squawk of the magpies and there is a noticeable absence of songbirds when they are carrying on. The sun feels amazing on my face. The smell of fresh cut grass is wonderful. This morning, we walked around the bend in the road and this lovely fragrant smell hit me. I have no idea what it came from but I soaked it in. I have watched the clouds part and blue sky appearing. I have noticed all the different shades of green that make up the leaves on the trees. Someone moved in in the next subdivision and they have a beautiful horse. Guinness is still not sure how he feels about sheep. I noticed a hare that he saw first hiding in the long grass. I really could go on and on.
This change in focus on our morning walk has been energizing. My mind feels clearer. I still have to fight to put my mind back on what is going on around me instead of what is going on inside me but it is becoming a little easier as I do it. The reason that I think this has been more successful than the sitting meditation is that I am out away from my distractions. I am unable to do much about any of them anyway. I often don't even bring my phone with me so I couldn't even make a list as things pop into my mind. Taking in the beauty of creation helps to recenter my mind and reminds me of the fact that I was created a human being, not a human doing.
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