What Month Is It?

Life seems to have taken on a new level of crazy the past couple weeks.  I have felt like I have had no ability to actually plan and circumstances have taken the reins of life.  I have definitely not been functioning in the best version of me.  I have felt tired and overwhelmed and generally completely done.  I have been living in survival mode for lack of a better way of describing it.  The results can be seen in every part of my life.

So...  What is a girl to do?  Yesterday, I started my day off with the goal to catch up on reading everyone's blogs.  Thank you to everyone who has been blogging!  I need the reminders, blasts of reality and great word pictures you shared.  One of the blogs that really helped out the most was Mr. McKee's blog (Week 11, I believe) about feeling overwhelmed and taking a pause.  He was on his deck drinking coffee with a banana that nobody at that house seemed very excited about.  I needed his simple reminder of pausing and regrouping.  That is what I've been doing so far this morning.

I started the day off with my journal.  Funny, I thought it would sound more upbeat and less overwhelmed and tired if I wrote in the morning than I looks at the end of the day.  Today, that was not the case.  The difference was I had an opportunity to take a deep breathe and figure out what it was I could do to help course correct that to the best of my ability.  My to do list has been swimming around up in my brain but to be honest, I wasn't even sure what was on it anymore because I had no bearings. 

So how do I fix that?  My gut instinct was to avoid!  Run away!  So I took a walk with Guiness.  Puppy therapy is the best sort.  We all know that.  My heart wanted to walk forever.  Just keep going and never look back.  Instead, we just did a short walk so that I could get back home to  start sorting out where I was at.

Next stop was my kitchen calendar, my daytimer and a cup of tea.  I went through and wrote down everything that is coming this month.  Oy...  Not really a stress reliever but at least my perception of what is going on is far more grounded in reality.  Then I focused on clearing off the millions of piles that have accumulated on my desk this last week.  Now I am armed with a realistic snapshot of how precious every minute is this month and clear place to get it done from!

So what month is it?  My brain thought it was March back at the start of May.  The weather seemed to agree with that statement.  In my world, the weather and the calendar seems to have skipped right over spring.  Mentally, I can't wrap my brain around the fact that it is indeed June.  Living in survival mode does that to you.  You lose large portions of time because you are always reacting.  There are no pauses to enjoy life and to live intentionally.  Life has been bossing me around and I am starting to feel more than a little defiant about that.  The state of my calendar gives me concern.  I have tried to think of what can be eliminated or put off and in light of my priorities and goals, it is just going to be a fact for the next month.  I will need to learn to embrace it and to work within it.

I'm not really sure how to end this blog...  But end it I must since I have flowers sitting outside that really must find their way into a flower bed or two!  More mental therapy...  Flowers, dirt and more puppy kisses are in my immediate future.  It is in these moments that I will build what I need to more than just survive the month of June!