Lately every day has felt like a battle in the ring. Life has been throwing knock out punch after knock out punch. I am feeling very knocked around but I keep getting back up. I know that I have not been my usual self. Here's a glimpse into the mess I've been battling.
Last week, I started Monday off with my blog. I had my life lessons and goals in front of me. I had an opportunity to go listen to my girl sing with her choir - the voices of sweet angels. I was nailing it, that is until my mom texted. My Uncle passed away unexpectedly earlier that day. The rest of the day felt like a bit of a blur.
Last month my Grandmother was diagnosed with bladder cancer. This woman is tough as nails and has beat cancer before. We've watched a close family friend fight this same cancer and appears to be winning the battle. As a family, we know first hand that this is a difficult battle but were choosing to be optimistic. Wednesday she was scheduled for her first surgery to go in and take a good look and remove what they could. She came though the procedure like a the strong woman that she is.
Thursday our optimism took a significant blow. The doctors did remove what they felt they could. They did say that if she had been in her 50s instead of in her 90s, they would have removed her entire bladder. Due to her age, they made a quality of life decision instead. They are in the process of figuring out just how aggressive this particular cancer is. Right now the stance being taken is a focus on quality of life instead of beating this cancer at all costs. Even when you understand the reasons for the decision, it is still hard to swallow.
Add to this that we are discovering more and more as Grandma is away at the hospital that my Grandfather's mind is failing quickly. Bless their hearts, they have been thick as thieves hiding mental and physical issues from the world. They have been married over 70 years and had decided that they were going to take on the world so that they could stay in their home. It is becoming more and more apparent to everyone that this is not an option for much longer. So many heartbreaking decisions that need to be made.
I feel like life is a total storm right now. I feel like I can't take too many more punches. Yet in all of this, I am working to focus on gratitude. I have so much to be grateful for. It is the good things in life that help me to get back up off the mats after yet another punch. Besides the obvious things like faith, family and health, one of the things I am so grateful for is kung fu and the IHC. It gives me an outlet and structure when my days are blurry and messy. It has given me another family and support network when things are hard.
That all said, I am sad to say that I will not be at the meeting on Saturday. I find the meetings so beneficial. It is like family therapy and I always come out of them ready to conquer the next month. Instead at that same time, I will be in Calgary celebrating the life of my Uncle. I will be where I most need to be and where my Mom also most needs me to be. I'm not exactly sure when we will be heading south but we will be around the kwoon as always this week until we leave.
Now off to breath in life and gratitude. It's what is keeping me moving forward.
Monday 27 March 2017
Monday 20 March 2017
Lessons in the Funk
My mental space the past couple weeks has been a dark, messy, funky place to hang out. I'm not sure if it's the time of year, the fact that winter just won't vanish, the lack of time in the sunshine, life stresses, exhaustion, lingering post-concussion issues... What I do know is that my natural bent right now is to hibernate and hide from the world. Yet, since I am a person and not a bear, this is not an acceptable solution.
While hibernating, my go to way to spend my time (besides napping) is reading. The book I am currently reading has provoked a lot of thought. The focus of the book is to not care about everything, just the right things so that you can really make a difference. Then on top of that to not focus on the happy, shiny places all the time seeking them out but to shift your focus to what you are doing in the hard times instead. We can't all live on the mountain top all of the time. Life is not a chronic trip to the beach. If this is our expectation, then we are setting ourselves up for a great deal of disappointment. Instead the writer encourages the focus to shift onto how you live when you are not soaring. To recognize lessons learned in life and to celebrate them on your journey.
The chapter I finished yesterday talked about choices. We make choices in every second of our lives. We are choosing to either do something or not do something. Then he shifted to owning responsibility. This can be a tough one to swallow sometimes. We live in a society that loudly plays the blame game. People everywhere are quick to point the finger at someone else and to live like they are entitled. He very clearly addressed the difference between fault and responsibility. We do not have to accept fault for everything that happens in our lives. Many things happen to us that we have absolutely no control over. BUT, we do need to accept responsibility at all time. Why? Because we are responsible for what we do in each moment in response.
I have not been making the best choices. In my funk, I have definitely reacted more than I have responded which has not helped the atmosphere in my home. I have blamed others for not making me feel totally awesome all the while trying to tell my kids that they should not let the behaviour of others impact their emotions. If they are to have control and respond, should I not be leading by example.
I have made some good choices too though. I chose to show up last week instead of hiding at home like I really wanted to. I pushed myself out into a couple social situations that my first inclination was to put on my fuzzy jammies and totally avoid. Things were by far not great but I did not give up.
With that, I am off to own my choices today and to try to embrace the lessons that I am learning. Wouldn't it be super exciting to quit having to learn the same lesson over and over! To finally get it! That's the goal here. Then I can move on to the next lesson because life is a journey and we are never done growing.
While hibernating, my go to way to spend my time (besides napping) is reading. The book I am currently reading has provoked a lot of thought. The focus of the book is to not care about everything, just the right things so that you can really make a difference. Then on top of that to not focus on the happy, shiny places all the time seeking them out but to shift your focus to what you are doing in the hard times instead. We can't all live on the mountain top all of the time. Life is not a chronic trip to the beach. If this is our expectation, then we are setting ourselves up for a great deal of disappointment. Instead the writer encourages the focus to shift onto how you live when you are not soaring. To recognize lessons learned in life and to celebrate them on your journey.
The chapter I finished yesterday talked about choices. We make choices in every second of our lives. We are choosing to either do something or not do something. Then he shifted to owning responsibility. This can be a tough one to swallow sometimes. We live in a society that loudly plays the blame game. People everywhere are quick to point the finger at someone else and to live like they are entitled. He very clearly addressed the difference between fault and responsibility. We do not have to accept fault for everything that happens in our lives. Many things happen to us that we have absolutely no control over. BUT, we do need to accept responsibility at all time. Why? Because we are responsible for what we do in each moment in response.
I have not been making the best choices. In my funk, I have definitely reacted more than I have responded which has not helped the atmosphere in my home. I have blamed others for not making me feel totally awesome all the while trying to tell my kids that they should not let the behaviour of others impact their emotions. If they are to have control and respond, should I not be leading by example.
I have made some good choices too though. I chose to show up last week instead of hiding at home like I really wanted to. I pushed myself out into a couple social situations that my first inclination was to put on my fuzzy jammies and totally avoid. Things were by far not great but I did not give up.
With that, I am off to own my choices today and to try to embrace the lessons that I am learning. Wouldn't it be super exciting to quit having to learn the same lesson over and over! To finally get it! That's the goal here. Then I can move on to the next lesson because life is a journey and we are never done growing.
Monday 13 March 2017
The Flip Side of Opportunities
Just finished plowing through the huge number of blogs posted this weekend. Well done team!!!
Monday is supposed to be my blog day. Even last night I was not really sure what I was going to write about but after reading the blogs this morning, I decided to share how my week has gone in light of my last blog.
Last week I shared how super excited I was with all the opportunities that were all around me. I was jumping on board left and right ready to knock my goals out of the park.
So how did the week go? I made a great deal of progress on some of my goals. I did go to knitting class and despite being teased by my family about being old, I did make a dishcloth. Technically, I have met my goal for the year. I have learned to knit and I did make a project. I am not done though! I have two more classes which means at least two more projects. For last week this was my big win.
I also had a smaller win by getting started on another personal goal that I had been previously stuck on. It's a long term one, so there will be no quick hit of adrenaline and then success on this one. Slow and steady progress - at least I am started.
As for the rest of the week, I'm not really entirely sure where it went. I was all go and crazy busy. I was eating right, getting in extra workouts, hitting my reps, working away at my goals BUT my life was really unbalanced. There were other areas that were put on hold to make this happen (Sifu Rybak's ball dropping analogy). This weekend was hard. I more or less started crashing on Saturday. Then Sunday the bottom fell out. I was an overwhelmed, anxious, stress out, exhausted, grouchy mess. Reading Sifu R. Langner's blog about pacing his goals and Ms. Kohut's blog about priorities hit me with so much to work through this morning.
I have never been great at the balancing act. One of the professionals I worked with while healing my concussion was constantly reminding me that I was not Superwoman, nor did I need to be. Realistic expectations of what I am able to accomplish in a day is something I am still practicing.
Anyways, I am off to do it ALL!!! Oh wait, no, I'm off to try to make a more realistic plan for my week that will help combat the feeling of chaos and overwhelm in my poor brain.
Monday is supposed to be my blog day. Even last night I was not really sure what I was going to write about but after reading the blogs this morning, I decided to share how my week has gone in light of my last blog.
Last week I shared how super excited I was with all the opportunities that were all around me. I was jumping on board left and right ready to knock my goals out of the park.
So how did the week go? I made a great deal of progress on some of my goals. I did go to knitting class and despite being teased by my family about being old, I did make a dishcloth. Technically, I have met my goal for the year. I have learned to knit and I did make a project. I am not done though! I have two more classes which means at least two more projects. For last week this was my big win.
I also had a smaller win by getting started on another personal goal that I had been previously stuck on. It's a long term one, so there will be no quick hit of adrenaline and then success on this one. Slow and steady progress - at least I am started.
As for the rest of the week, I'm not really entirely sure where it went. I was all go and crazy busy. I was eating right, getting in extra workouts, hitting my reps, working away at my goals BUT my life was really unbalanced. There were other areas that were put on hold to make this happen (Sifu Rybak's ball dropping analogy). This weekend was hard. I more or less started crashing on Saturday. Then Sunday the bottom fell out. I was an overwhelmed, anxious, stress out, exhausted, grouchy mess. Reading Sifu R. Langner's blog about pacing his goals and Ms. Kohut's blog about priorities hit me with so much to work through this morning.
I have never been great at the balancing act. One of the professionals I worked with while healing my concussion was constantly reminding me that I was not Superwoman, nor did I need to be. Realistic expectations of what I am able to accomplish in a day is something I am still practicing.
Anyways, I am off to do it ALL!!! Oh wait, no, I'm off to try to make a more realistic plan for my week that will help combat the feeling of chaos and overwhelm in my poor brain.
Monday 6 March 2017
So Many Little Opportunities
Today I am really pumped about my journey! My groove isn't completely back but the consistency is coming and things are definitely headed in the right direction. My numbers are no where close to where they need to be. So why then am I so pumped? Life has handed me a huge pile of little opportunities in the past week and I have chosen to grab on to them.
The first opportunity came through a podcast I was listening to last week as I was driving. The speaker was talking about a bible study that she was putting together along with a challenge group for Lent. The focus for the 40 days of Lent was decluttering life. The challenge was to get rid of 10 things each day to make room for peace. Just the kick start I needed on my goal to deep clean and declutter my home! Definitely not a fun goal but one that I am seeing a huge need to deal with.
The next opportunity came over Facebook. A lady I know put a call out for help. She has been struggling with losing weight and was wanting to put together a month long support group to work on eating habits with the end result being weight loss. I had really cleaned up my diet last fall and had some fantastic success but then Christmas happened.... I let some bad habit slip back in.... The weight has stayed off but I still have not reached my goal. I jumped on in and that starts today.
Then as I was cleaning out my email -yes, that can be called decluttering too, I found an email from Pam's Woolly Shoppe. They have a learn to knit class starting tomorrow during the day. Just three short sessions on Tuesday mornings. Learning to knit was another goal I had set for this year. I had planned to maybe use YouTube or ask some of my knitting friends but this screamed accountability and get it done! Super excited about that one!
Then there is another personal goal that I have been struggling to get started on. Yesterday during the sermon at church, I was given different perspective on where to start and that has me excited too.
Finally, my weapon form... The idea of making up my own form was really stretching me in ways that I was not appreciating. I love to learn. I like to ask questions. I like to get answers to my questions. Making up your own form doesn't really work like that. I have been playing with them a fair amount and working through some videos trying to figure out how to do cool things without clubbing myself to death but not really much progress on stringing anything together. I wasn't overly worried about it. I had until the end of March. Then at the meeting Sifu Brinker said that they would be looking at our forms this week. Yikes! Since then I have managed to piece together a beginning and an ending and another sequence for a middle. I just need to smooth out some transitions and I have a rough beta version.
Opportunities do not have to be huge to still be opportunities. They are everywhere we look if our eyes are open and we are ready to receive them. Anyways, I am off to get ready for class!
The first opportunity came through a podcast I was listening to last week as I was driving. The speaker was talking about a bible study that she was putting together along with a challenge group for Lent. The focus for the 40 days of Lent was decluttering life. The challenge was to get rid of 10 things each day to make room for peace. Just the kick start I needed on my goal to deep clean and declutter my home! Definitely not a fun goal but one that I am seeing a huge need to deal with.
The next opportunity came over Facebook. A lady I know put a call out for help. She has been struggling with losing weight and was wanting to put together a month long support group to work on eating habits with the end result being weight loss. I had really cleaned up my diet last fall and had some fantastic success but then Christmas happened.... I let some bad habit slip back in.... The weight has stayed off but I still have not reached my goal. I jumped on in and that starts today.
Then as I was cleaning out my email -yes, that can be called decluttering too, I found an email from Pam's Woolly Shoppe. They have a learn to knit class starting tomorrow during the day. Just three short sessions on Tuesday mornings. Learning to knit was another goal I had set for this year. I had planned to maybe use YouTube or ask some of my knitting friends but this screamed accountability and get it done! Super excited about that one!
Then there is another personal goal that I have been struggling to get started on. Yesterday during the sermon at church, I was given different perspective on where to start and that has me excited too.
Finally, my weapon form... The idea of making up my own form was really stretching me in ways that I was not appreciating. I love to learn. I like to ask questions. I like to get answers to my questions. Making up your own form doesn't really work like that. I have been playing with them a fair amount and working through some videos trying to figure out how to do cool things without clubbing myself to death but not really much progress on stringing anything together. I wasn't overly worried about it. I had until the end of March. Then at the meeting Sifu Brinker said that they would be looking at our forms this week. Yikes! Since then I have managed to piece together a beginning and an ending and another sequence for a middle. I just need to smooth out some transitions and I have a rough beta version.
Opportunities do not have to be huge to still be opportunities. They are everywhere we look if our eyes are open and we are ready to receive them. Anyways, I am off to get ready for class!
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