This morning I went back and read that little reminder I wrote for myself last week. I needed the reminder today, well actually I constantly need it....
Monday I woke up to a calendar with white space on it. I thought it would bring a sense of relief as I systematically worked my way through all the backlog of stuff I have to do. Keep my mind still and present on what I am doing, just tick things off one by one. Sounds dreamy!
Instead on Monday my brain ran around frantically wanting to do it all, all at the same time. I kept trying to reign it in. I did manage to get an impressive list of things ticked off. I had times where I was focused and then there were other times where I have no idea where the hour went.
Tuesday I woke up to that wet hazy weather and felt really funky. Started my morning off with another dog therapy session in the wet and muck. The rest of the day went better. I made a plan and one by one did the plan. Yet my mind was still so restless.
The rest of the week has been pretty much the same. On task at times, all over the place the next. This morning has been a real all over the place kinda day. Deep breathe. Be still, be present. Make a plan. Work the plan. Stop thinking about everything else.
I know Yoda does not believe in trying... It is either do or not do. In this case I hope he is wrong. I want to do. Haven't figured out how to do, especially not consistently. I am working to put myself back where I belong. I am trying and today that is all I have.
Friday 28 October 2016
Friday 21 October 2016
Be Still, Be Present
So I know I just blogged two days ago, but Guiness & I had the best chat today while we were out for a walk and I wanted to write myself a little reminder so you are all going to get it... He is just the best listener and allows me to ramble on until I finally get to the point.
This week has been ridiculously crazy. I look back at everything that was packed into my week and I totally understand why I feel all over the place and exhausted. Every single day was filled to overflowing with appointments and places to be. I was also flying solo as this was really the first full week that Chad has been out of town since the end of last November. I can honestly say that my super hero cape is not bunched up in my panties today but parts of it looks like it may have met a shredder...
So obviously my body was not very still and neither was my mind. It spent the entire week pinging all over the place trying to keep track of everything that was going on plus mentally trying to do everything that I seriously did not have the time or capacity to do. It is hard to get your computer work or housework done if you are driving in circles in the car... At one point my brain was so overloaded that I got myself lost driving to a friend's house in Parkland Village. I had to humble myself and ask her to direct me back to where I needed to be and we had a good laugh once I arrived. This is just an indication of where my brain was at (or not).
Then I reflected on this next week. My calendar this next week puts a smile on my face. There are lots of white spaces. Yay! There are no extras in the next week really. Part of me started to celebrate thinking break time!!! Then the other side of me scolded that side and said that it was time to buckle down and get everything done that hasn't been done for the last year. Yes, my inner spirit is often at complete odds with itself.
So today, Guiness and I decided that I would take neither of these approaches. Taking a full fledge break is not going to really be restful, more like guilt-ridden. In addition, I know me. I need to keep myself in motion because if I stop, often I get sick and there is no time for that nonsense. So we decided that I should approach this week in the middle of these two extremes.
This week the focus is to be still mentally while continuing to move physically. The best way that I can think to do that is to stay present in exactly what I am doing and not be focusing in the last five things I didn't do quite right and the next twenty things that will likely not get accomplished. One thing at a time. One focus at a time. One breathe at a time. A still and present mind...
This week has been ridiculously crazy. I look back at everything that was packed into my week and I totally understand why I feel all over the place and exhausted. Every single day was filled to overflowing with appointments and places to be. I was also flying solo as this was really the first full week that Chad has been out of town since the end of last November. I can honestly say that my super hero cape is not bunched up in my panties today but parts of it looks like it may have met a shredder...
So obviously my body was not very still and neither was my mind. It spent the entire week pinging all over the place trying to keep track of everything that was going on plus mentally trying to do everything that I seriously did not have the time or capacity to do. It is hard to get your computer work or housework done if you are driving in circles in the car... At one point my brain was so overloaded that I got myself lost driving to a friend's house in Parkland Village. I had to humble myself and ask her to direct me back to where I needed to be and we had a good laugh once I arrived. This is just an indication of where my brain was at (or not).
Then I reflected on this next week. My calendar this next week puts a smile on my face. There are lots of white spaces. Yay! There are no extras in the next week really. Part of me started to celebrate thinking break time!!! Then the other side of me scolded that side and said that it was time to buckle down and get everything done that hasn't been done for the last year. Yes, my inner spirit is often at complete odds with itself.
So today, Guiness and I decided that I would take neither of these approaches. Taking a full fledge break is not going to really be restful, more like guilt-ridden. In addition, I know me. I need to keep myself in motion because if I stop, often I get sick and there is no time for that nonsense. So we decided that I should approach this week in the middle of these two extremes.
This week the focus is to be still mentally while continuing to move physically. The best way that I can think to do that is to stay present in exactly what I am doing and not be focusing in the last five things I didn't do quite right and the next twenty things that will likely not get accomplished. One thing at a time. One focus at a time. One breathe at a time. A still and present mind...
Wednesday 19 October 2016
Forms Seminar - 2016
I want to start this off by first of all acknowledging everyone who was at the Forms Seminar on Saturday! Thank you to the people who worked behind the scenes to organize it all. Thank you to all the Sifus who spent their time helping each of us reach our goals. Thank you Sifu Vantuil for your unending patience. Thank you Mr. Kohut and Mr. Sand for being my partners in this. Thank you to the other participants who helped make it so memorable.
This year I chose to do Lao Gar again. I learned a great deal of it last year at the Forms Seminar. It was shortly after the seminar that I was put on couch rest and a restricted heart rate. All of the information that was so carefully shared was scrambled around in my poor brain. I had walked out of the seminar last year feeling so accomplished, but felt that I had wasted all of everyone's efforts once I was able to get moving again. It is so true that you need to keep on it so you don't lose it.
This year before we even started Sifu Brinker asked us to really ground ourselves. To figure out what our goal for the day was and to keep that goal in front of us for the remainder of the afternoon. That was simply... I wanted to put back together the fragments and then learn the rest of the form. The main goal was to get out in front of the panel at the end of the day and do the entire form (hopefully without too many mistakes or pauses).
As we started working with Sifu Vantuil, I realized that there was not as much lost as I had originally feared. I still had some of the sequences stored and once I started moving they fell together. There was just a loss more in the transitions. I knew where I needed to go, just couldn't remember how to get there.
By the end of the seminar, I was actually feeling pretty good about where I was and how things were going. I was able to run through the entire form. Then it was time to perform for the judges panel. Yikes! I realized that the orientation that I had been practicing was facing the mirrors. Now I needed to face the benches. Normally I am able to flip my forms to different directions but this one was still feeling pretty shiny new and I was still really relying on physical landmarks.
That all said, I did make it through the whole form. There were a few mistakes. One was in a place where I consistently had been missing something and correcting. It shows we really do perform how we practice. So much so that I actually smiled to myself at that point. Sorry Sifu Hayes... I managed to landmark the first 2/3 of the form not too badly to the new orientation. The last 1/3 I honestly did get turned a little around but I did get in all of the steps and finished as strong as I could. At the end I was feeling a little disappointed with how I had messed up the ending. The comments from the Sifus were then filtered through that disappointment at first as well. Then I remembered that grounding moment from the beginning of the day.
So what did I learn on Saturday... Obviously, I learned a new form. I learned to think ahead about how I will need to perform it so that I can place my landmarks a little differently. I experienced that mistakes will likely come out just like you practice them. I received lots of constructive comments that I can take away and apply to what I did learn so that I can continue improving. Most importantly, I realized that I had set a goal and I did indeed achieve it. Perspective helped turn all of this back into a positive experience. Now to keep working on the form so that I can keep all of the pieces.
Friday 14 October 2016
How Does Your Cape Fly?
This blog post has been mentally in the works for a couple of weeks. I am struggling to find the right the words. Perhaps it's because I have mixed feelings that I am sorting through. I have questions that I have been pondering and have not yet resolved. Anyways, I am going to try to put into words some of the conversation I've been having in my head.
Mastery... That is what we are after. That is what we signed up for. That is with the understanding that mastery is not actually achievable but we are to pursue it daily as a journey.
So what does mastery look like? It looks different to each and every one of us. We all have our own versions of what our best life would look like. It is the time of year that Sifu Brinker has asked us to really reflect on our journey since February and also to look forward for the next year. It is goal setting time and without a clear vision of where we want to go, you can't set good goals.
So what does mastery in my life look like? I have a very clear picture of what I would love my life to look like. It is filled with love and order. I have an abundance of time for family and friends. My faith walk flourishing. I am able to volunteer in my community as my heart leads me. My house is not just under control, but looks like it could belong in a magazine. My yard and garden, the same deal. Kung fu, I would definitely look like a ninja. My small business would be flourishing with my clients needs always being exceeded. I would have time to pursue different leisure activities (reading, music, crafts) without cutting into any of these other areas. This picture has always been pretty clear for me. Can't you just see it! There I am living this amazing life. I have my superwoman cape on. It is flowing in the wind.
Except, this is not what my journey looks like. I am truly pursuing this life. I even have my cape on. It is not flowing in the wind. It is seriously bunched up in my panties. As I reflect on the vision I have for my life, I am more and more feeling like it is utterly unrealistic and that it just may be my undoing. I spread myself too thin by trying to spread myself too far. At this season of my life, I do not posses the time, strength or energy to truly pursue this full vision all at once. The result has been a great deal of overwhelm, frustration and bad attitude.
So what is a girl to do? Seriously, folks I have been trying to figure this out! I am still working through this. I do know that it will be challenging to set goals going forward until I can sort through some of it. Anyways, that is where my head and my heart are at. Now I am off to untangle and unbunch my cape so that I can catch my zzz's so I can pursue mastery again tomorrow.
Mastery... That is what we are after. That is what we signed up for. That is with the understanding that mastery is not actually achievable but we are to pursue it daily as a journey.
So what does mastery look like? It looks different to each and every one of us. We all have our own versions of what our best life would look like. It is the time of year that Sifu Brinker has asked us to really reflect on our journey since February and also to look forward for the next year. It is goal setting time and without a clear vision of where we want to go, you can't set good goals.
So what does mastery in my life look like? I have a very clear picture of what I would love my life to look like. It is filled with love and order. I have an abundance of time for family and friends. My faith walk flourishing. I am able to volunteer in my community as my heart leads me. My house is not just under control, but looks like it could belong in a magazine. My yard and garden, the same deal. Kung fu, I would definitely look like a ninja. My small business would be flourishing with my clients needs always being exceeded. I would have time to pursue different leisure activities (reading, music, crafts) without cutting into any of these other areas. This picture has always been pretty clear for me. Can't you just see it! There I am living this amazing life. I have my superwoman cape on. It is flowing in the wind.
Except, this is not what my journey looks like. I am truly pursuing this life. I even have my cape on. It is not flowing in the wind. It is seriously bunched up in my panties. As I reflect on the vision I have for my life, I am more and more feeling like it is utterly unrealistic and that it just may be my undoing. I spread myself too thin by trying to spread myself too far. At this season of my life, I do not posses the time, strength or energy to truly pursue this full vision all at once. The result has been a great deal of overwhelm, frustration and bad attitude.
So what is a girl to do? Seriously, folks I have been trying to figure this out! I am still working through this. I do know that it will be challenging to set goals going forward until I can sort through some of it. Anyways, that is where my head and my heart are at. Now I am off to untangle and unbunch my cape so that I can catch my zzz's so I can pursue mastery again tomorrow.
Saturday 8 October 2016
Focused on Thankfulness
It is that time of year, the time where we are all focused on our blessings and giving thanks. This week I have had many great chats with my sweet girl and situations that have left my heart blessed.
On Wednesday, I chose to miss kung fu class to attend the first joint chapel of the school year with my kids. It was a special day in many ways. The school program that my kids attend was structured as a K-9 program under one roof. With the boundary changes, they have had to split the kids up between two different schools. There has been questions about how that will work and play out. On Wednesday, the little ones made the trek across the road and they had everyone under one roof. The speakers were the Soap Box Duo. They are a local musical group. They have a really cool, unique sound and are so talented. Anyone who can sing in a school gym and still sound amazing has real talent. Once the singing was over they presented a powerful chat about gratitude. I am so lucky that my kids get these opportunities at school.
On Thursday as we were driving to kung fu, Georgia asked me what my favourite season was. After chatting, we decided we loved them all. There is something wonderful about each and every one. From how crisp and clean the world looks after a new snow fall, to the bright green of new leaves blooming on the trees and the flowers bursting from the ground in spring, to the lazy lake days of summer, to the colourful display of nature and crisp mornings of fall - there are things to appreciate if you stop to think. The one that she found the funniest was that I loved the smell of dirt when the farmers are turning the soil in the spring and when I'm working in the garden in the summer.
Anyways, my point is that this weekend we are all very focused on our blessings. That is great but it must not stop there. Blessings don't just come with turkey or tofurkey or turduckin or whatever we chose to eat this weekend. Blessings are in our days today, tomorrow and every single day. We need to just open our eyes and hearts to receive them.
On Wednesday, I chose to miss kung fu class to attend the first joint chapel of the school year with my kids. It was a special day in many ways. The school program that my kids attend was structured as a K-9 program under one roof. With the boundary changes, they have had to split the kids up between two different schools. There has been questions about how that will work and play out. On Wednesday, the little ones made the trek across the road and they had everyone under one roof. The speakers were the Soap Box Duo. They are a local musical group. They have a really cool, unique sound and are so talented. Anyone who can sing in a school gym and still sound amazing has real talent. Once the singing was over they presented a powerful chat about gratitude. I am so lucky that my kids get these opportunities at school.
On Thursday as we were driving to kung fu, Georgia asked me what my favourite season was. After chatting, we decided we loved them all. There is something wonderful about each and every one. From how crisp and clean the world looks after a new snow fall, to the bright green of new leaves blooming on the trees and the flowers bursting from the ground in spring, to the lazy lake days of summer, to the colourful display of nature and crisp mornings of fall - there are things to appreciate if you stop to think. The one that she found the funniest was that I loved the smell of dirt when the farmers are turning the soil in the spring and when I'm working in the garden in the summer.
Anyways, my point is that this weekend we are all very focused on our blessings. That is great but it must not stop there. Blessings don't just come with turkey or tofurkey or turduckin or whatever we chose to eat this weekend. Blessings are in our days today, tomorrow and every single day. We need to just open our eyes and hearts to receive them.
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