People vs Tasks

This past week was jam packed with appointments.  This stay at home, work from home momma was not in her home at all last week.  The result was not much work was completed - not housework, not client work, not kung fu practice...  I found the week was consumed with planning logistics of all these appointments and how to keep my family moving through it all.

The result of this was I was extremely task oriented this week.  It was all about where we needed to be, what we needed to be doing and at times what was not getting done.  There were kids rushed here and there.  There was a frazzled mom.  There was at least one comment about a mom not having time to listen.  What was the response?  Can't you see all these things I am doing for you!!!  I am doing my best!

After a quieter weekend and some space from the chaos, I've had some time to reflect.  My kids can't see the things I do for them.  I have been doing things for them their whole lives.  They would likely only notice if I stopped.  After all, that is my number one job in life.

Yes, my kids need me to be doing these things for them but they need something more.  They need their mom.  They need me to be able to sit and listen.  They need me to be actually present and not trying to figure out how to move the conversation along so that we can rush to whatever is next.  They need to laugh and cry.  They need to be heard.

I get this...  This is a need we all have.  Then why is it so hard? 

As I was brushing my teeth, thinking this over and trying to plan my blog, a visual hit me...  My brain constantly feels like the navigation system in a vehicle.  Every breath, every move, every decision my brain is re-calibrating...  Can't you just hear that annoying voice now? 

One day for fun Waylon set the maps app on my phone for our home address as we were driving home from his best friends.  Then just to add to that fun, I decided I would do everything I could to drive home using a different path without actually deviating too far out of the way.  With every turn, there was a voice either telling me it was re-calibrating or telling me to make an illegal u-turn...  Definitely words of wisdom to live by or not...

There have been quite a few blogs talking about mindfulness lately.  When I am busy re-calibrating and planning out my next million steps in life, I am not in the moment.  Rarely do I even end up following the million steps I had just planned out.  Why?  Well, I re-calibrated yet again...

What do I need?  Well, it appears it is not the next million steps.  What I actually need is to slow down and really see the people who are right in front of me at that moment.  This is not easy for a task-oriented person.  The drive to get more done and to achieve mastery is often very task-oriented.  This is something that I can more easily identify with personality-wise.  But, what is the point of mastery if my people are not supported by me on my journey.

This week I will do my best to pause with my people - to laugh, to cry, to be present...   While still getting the stuff done...

Numbers as of March 11/18
Push ups      2185/ 50 000
Sit ups         2214/ 50 000
Kempo           21/ 1000
WuDang Sword 63/ 1000
Distance     120.3/1609
Kicks       360/ 50 000
Sparring     0/ 1000
AoK         76/1000
Gratitude  76/1000
Journal      21/355
Piano    4.8 hours/ 80 hours
Reading   2/24 books
Geocaches  4/120 finds