Pre-Deciding

I've been doing a great deal of thinking on this topic since our last meeting.  Thank you to Sifu M Beckett for talking about her journey and revelations in this area.  It gave me a lot to chew on.

Pre-Deciding is deciding something in advance.

Our minds are so powerful.  We have the ability to set our minds in a direction and then move in that direction.  Once we have set our minds, it is so much harder for our bodies to move in another direction - simply because we have set our minds.  Now we can always change our minds and that will change our direction but if we keep our minds set in one direction, the likelihood of going that direction dramatically increases.

So how does this apply to my journey...  Upon reflection I seem to have some of the very same thoughts Sifu talked about on Saturday.  I have always been one to quickly say "I can't do that" when it comes to physical endeavors.  I liked to think that it was just a solid understanding of my own abilities but really it was a lack of belief in my own capabilities.  One of the reasons that I joined the IHC my first year was that I was tired of telling myself that I couldn't do things.  I was ready for a push to see what I could do.  I have definitely broadened my preconceived limitations, but they do still definitely exist.  They come to light every single time I think of eventually grading for a black belt.  I still have limits to push.

An area that has been new for me in this area is in regards to my mental capacity.  My whole life I've been an I can do that kinda girl when it comes to pretty much anything that wasn't physical in nature.  Then the concussion happened...  I was told that I had to stop.  I was told I had to rest my mind.  Since then I know that I have a new brain that I am working with, one that I am still on many days I'm still trying to figure out.  The discussion on Saturday and my reflection on that though has shown me that I have put some pretty serious limits on myself.  At one time these limits were necessary for healing.  Today these limits are exactly that - just limits.  There is no good reason for them.  I look at my calendar and I think many thoughts that are not helpful.  I think about how tired I will be.  I think about how stressed I will be.  I think about how it will affect my anxiety levels.  All these thoughts make me tired, stressed and anxious.  I haven't even done anything yet!!!

This week I've been trying to not analyze my calendar and predecide how I'm going to feel.  Instead I've been trying hard to feel how I'm really feeling in the moment not how I think I should feel or how my thoughts have then made me feel.  That was quite a mouthful.  I would love to say that I've seen huge success and strides in my life.  Not yet.  I will keep working on it.  Today I am feeling very under the weather.  I did what I needed to do this morning for work but this afternoon I listened to my body and I had a nap.  I haven't allowed myself that in quite some time and I have to say it was lovely and really needed.  Tomorrow I will tackle life as it comes.