I had not looked at my goals over the summer. Perhaps that is one of the reasons for my struggles recently. I have them listed in the front of my journal (that I was negligent to write in faithfully this summer too). I have read them and have been putting a great deal of thought into my why's.
So why? Why for starters did I sign up for the IHC program? Why do I keep coming back year after year? Why do I find it hard to imagine my life now without this program?
As I write this, my grandma is lying in a hospital bed in her final days, perhaps minutes. Situations like this give us time to truly reflect on what is most important in life. When I think of her, I see over 90 years of dedication to family, her faith and her community. I see a marriage that has lasted over 70 years. I see a woman who has had to fight for her health multiple times over her life and is a true survivor. I see a quiet inner strength and dedication that is truly impossible to put into words.
So why? I want to be the best possible version of me that I can possibly be. In some cases, it is clear what I want to achieve. I want to be an amazing wife, mom and friend. I want to be strong and healthy. None of this happens by accident but with great intention. In other areas, it is not so clear. That is the beauty of goals that lead to inner discovery. I do not know in every case what this best possible version of me looks like and that is ok. None of this is a one and done thing. It is a process of waking up each morning and doing what I can do in that day and then starting over the next day and repeating. Some days can feel like you've made some progress, others you can feel like you've backslid. The important thing is to keep keeping on. I will not reach this best possible version of me by chance or by luck.
So today, I will do what I can do. Then tomorrow, I will do it again.
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