Question, Reflection & Decision

Through the reading and listening that I have been doing this past year, two questions keep coming back at me.  The first one is "What size is your plate?"  The second one is "How do you want to show up in the world?"

What size is your plate?  Perhaps it is this question that put my mind into that whole buffet line with the rolling meatballs visual last week.  It is a question that needs to be answered.  The size of your plate really dictates how you should approach the buffet line of life.  For years, I have believed and lived as if I had one serious platter that I was carrying around.  The sky was the limit.  There was never the need to say no to anyone or anything.  I could do it all.  So! Not!! True!!!  The more I reflect on this question, the smaller my plate appears to be.  Honestly, I feel as though my plate is shrinking...

How do you want to show up in the world?  This question really speaks to character for me.  Not just what I say I believe but to truly live out what I believe - actually walking the walk.

I feel that these two questions compliment one another in reflecting on our lives and choices.  As I overfill my plate, I am not able to show up in the world in a way that is consistent with what I value.  I have spent a great deal of time reflecting on this and the answer seems so clear but for someone who has an imaginary platter, is so hard.  I need to learn to say no and protect my time better.  I no longer can say yes to every wonderful and awesome opportunity that presents itself.  I just need to say no!

This is so hard for me but in the past couple days I have said no twice now.  The first one was to officially step back from a weekly volunteer position that I have done for years.  I loved the time that I was able to give but in the past few months I have found that I have had to cancel more often than I have been able to show up.  My plate is too full and that is not how I want to show up in the world.  The answer was obvious that this may just not be the right season for me to be doing this activity, yet to step back was oh so hard.  The second one was just minutes ago.  I chose to say no to a personal invite that I would have loved to jump all over.  My calendar this month is pretty full and I need to protect every single bit of white space on it.  This outing fell within a white space but I chose to say no because I know that come mid-week next week, I will be wishing for more white space.  I am grateful that the friend I had to say no to struggles with many of the same battles and totally understood.

I know in both of these situations, I have made the right choice.  I asked good questions, I reflected and thought through the answers and made a good decision based on that.  In reality - it really sucks to say no!  Perhaps with time I will learn to see the freedom in this practice but honestly for today I'm feeling a few sour grapes...