The week following that blog was mentally one of my hardest. There just seems to be things coming from every direction and I have been mentally and emotionally very limited in my ability to cope with all of it with much grace. The result was that I had to pull way back. When you fly they always tell people to put on their own oxygen masks before they assist others. As a momma and someone who cares very deeply about others, I find this hard but it has become very necessary.
What does this look like? Sometimes it has meant making it to kung fu classes. Sometimes it looks like not being able to step into the kwoon because I feel unable to handle the noise and busyness of the environment. Many days it has looked like having an afternoon nap, heading to bed early and therapy sessions with my pup. Somedays I laugh, many I cry. I have tried to not have my struggles affect the people around me, especially my family, but I know that I am failing at that.
Where does this place me on my journey this year? Well definitely not where I planned to be! Thankfully I have learned that you can set goals for your year but you rarely end up exactly where you planned irregardless of whether you are on track or not. I am not on track but I do make progress most days. I have not given up. I have been avoiding journalling and blogging because I do not particularly like to record the yuck but I know that this is a tool I need to start using in order to start managing my own head space. Will I be grading this year? This door has not been closed but I have not been able to make it a focus either. I will use the tools given to me to deal with the mental issues while also working through the physical symptoms that have started to pop up as a result. I will just have to see where this journey leads me...
In the meantime, I am off to the lab.... And perhaps some garden therapy....
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