I've been struggling on what to blog about this week. I feel like in many ways I am living on a hamster wheel and in the movie Groundhog Day. Things are good... Things are a struggle... Things are really all over the place... I don't want this blog to become a place where I am whining. I want it to be a place where I document my journey but give myself a pep talk at the same time. This week has been a struggle in the pity party, whine festival department.
This fall I have added a significant new activity to my life. It has been good. The issue is my life was very full (perhaps over full) when I started this new adventure. I have yet to truly take anything off my plate. I just keep living in the lie that I can keep heaping it up and somehow it'll all be fine. I know I've blogged about dropping balls and flying plates and all sorts of things along these lines. This story is nothing new in my life. I just keep on plowing forward and hope for the best.
The past couple weeks I have noticed my anxiety rising. I can cover it up pretty good most of the time, especially in public but it is always there lurking below the surface. I keep trying to ignore it. I had some eczema that I was not able to clear up but I put off going to the doctor for a couple weeks. I finally gave myself the pep talk that I would have given any friend. I went to the doctor and I believe that is back under control (mostly). So I keep ignoring the underlying issue. Last Thursday my mind was spinning so fast that I could not even remember my forms. Sleep has been a challenge. Since my car accident, my sleep patterns have significantly changed but lately I've been finding it even harder than normal to get my zzz's. My weight is creeping up and now today my eye has been twitching like crazy. More signs that the anxiety lurking under the surface needs to be addressed.
I'm not entirely sure how to resolve this but for now I will start by focusing on some serious self care. More sleep, more movement, more quiet moments to just breath.
Yikes. This is definitely not something you want hidden in the background and covered up. Work hard to bring it front and centre so it can be dealt with and put in the rear view mirror.
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