Opportunity Embraced - Sanshou

I had not planned to take the sanshou seminar.  Honestly, I had many emotions linked to this seminar and the desire to participate was definitely not in the mix.  My gut instinct was to find absolutely anything else to do during that one hour time period on Saturday. 

But...  I am not the only kung fu student in my home.  I was not the only person being offered this opportunity.  Waylon was super excited about the chance to take this seminar and begged me to register him.  Finally I relented and registered both of us.  I could not come up with a real reason to not join him on the mats that didn't sound like an excuse.

The first day rolled around and my anxiety was really high.  I considered watching from the sidelines.  Anyone who knows me, knows that I find sparring one the more mentally challenging parts of kung fu.  I really don't like to take the hits.  The idea of takedowns and potentially rattling my brain was not appealing.  Then add to that, I find it really hard to hit other people. 

I had zero desire to step out of the changeroom that morning.  I kept reminding myself that it is my job to embrace the opportunities that are given to me.  With a deep breath, I stepped out on the mats....  And I survived!  Not only did I survive, I had a great class.  I was partnered with Sifu Beckett.  We had lots of laughs, worked hard and came out feeling a little more confident.

Unfortunately, my mind played similar games with me each and every week.  Each and every week, I took the step of faith out of the changeroom onto the mats.  Every week I was happy with the decision that I made.

Then the week came where it was time to do matches...  We had been warned that there would be matches.  These warnings do a number on my mental game.  I looked for every excuse in the book to not get on the mats.  Couldn't find a good one...  Then I decided that I would step on the mats but I gave myself permission to not do a match.  It is one thing to do takedowns in a controlled environment, but the idea of not knowing it is coming seemed more than my mental state could wrap my brain around.  In the end, I did two separate rounds with Ms. Burke.  I survived!  I was happy once again that I stepped out.

I am grateful for many things through this process.  I am grateful for opportunities to stretch myself.  I am grateful that I train in an environment where I have the choice to sit on the side if my mental state does not allow me to step in without judgement.  I am grateful for the ability to train to the level that I am at and not be pushed too far before I am ready.  I am grateful that the people around me seem to believe in me a whole lot more than I do.  I am grateful for laughs on the mats, shared sweat and the friendships I have at the kwoon.  I am grateful that I did not listen to the excuses and I took the risk of stepping out.  I am grateful I did not let this opportunity pass me by.