Boot Camp

Goals can be a funny thing...  They can motivate you to push forward or they can knock the wind out of your sails.  I have experienced both of these feelings in my struggles with maintaining a healthy weight.  

I have had to be very conscious about my choices with regards to my weight for my entire adult life.  I can look at a chocolate and I can feel parts of my body growing...  There are times when I have had amazing successes.  I have put in the hard work.  I have watched my eating habits.  I have had to say yes to the right things and no to the wrong things.  Often though after a period of success, I become complacent.  One bad choice leads to the next and before I know it, I am back at square one or in some instances, a few more steps even further back from there.

I have had a goal the past 3 years to get down to a goal weight and maintain it.  I felt that the IHC would simply give me the structure in order to achieve this.  I have had periods of resounding success.  I have had periods of serious backsliding.  The past six months have been a very serious case of the later.  

When it was time to set Year of the Dog goals, Sifu Brinker pushed me to not just set the same old goal but actually set out a real action plan in writing to keep me moving in the right direction.  The plan was always in mind but I had not gone far enough to write it down.  My hesitation to do so was that I have had the successes and then the relapse periods so many times - I was in many ways afraid to be held accountable.  My action plan includes both nutrition goals as well as fitness goals.

This brings me to the beginning of January...  The scale is reading a number that I simply believed that I would not see again.  I had won that battle.  I was beating myself up and that only lead me to go find some chocolate.  I know, really not helpful...  Then I decided to do something that would be helpful.

I walked into the kwoon and I told Sifu Freitag that I was going to do boot camp.  I could not form the sentence that said I wanted to do it.  Nothing in me wanted to do it.  Really, it sounds like a near death experience that will be witnessed by others.  Yet I knew that this is what I needed to do now, not later.  Before I could talk myself out of it, I paid and said that I would be there on Saturday.

Saturday came.  With fear and trembling I did show up.  Sifu Masterson asked us to focus on 3 C's - conditioning, core and combat.  All I could think of was S for survival.  It was hard.  I had moments where I thought I should just crawl back to the changeroom.  There were moments where it wasn't just my body that was betraying me but my mind (backward spiderman walking, anyone...).  I did do what I had set out to do that day.  I showed up and I finished the class.

The next day, oy....  I could hardly get out of bed.  It hurt to breathe.  I had core muscles around my lungs that I apparently have not taxed in quite some time.  Monday's kung fu class was a struggle, but once again, I showed up.  By the end of the week I was almost at the point where I felt I could try it again.

Then Saturday came...  I had every excuse in my brain going off.  I. Did. Not. Want. To. Go!!!!  Not even one single little part of me.  But I showed up.  I survived once again.  Today my hip is not happy and I can honestly say that boot camp is a royal pain in my butt - but I will be back.

I want to send out a huge thank you to Sifu Masterson for killing us so sweetly.  She really knows how to bring out the best in people.  I also want to send out a most heartfelt thank you to all the people who were also crazy enough to sign up.  Some of you make it look so easy, some of you not so much but none of you quit.  You are all such an encouragement to me and it makes it so much easier to simply keep showing back up.

Jumping Back In

The last two weeks have been amazing!  They were exactly what I needed.  The first week was too cold to leave the house.  It forced us all to press pause and rest.  I really needed that rest.  The second week we headed off to Calgary.  Not much of a pause or rest but lots of time spent enjoying people that I cherish without the distractions of life.

But life is still moving on...  This morning I woke up to see that it is indeed January 8th.  My wall calendar in the kitchen is still empty.  My kids are so excited to see all that white space but it is causing my anxiety.  I know that the white space is only an illusion and starting today we are all back to the real world.  My mom asked me this week why I feel the need to write down everything on this calendar.  I need the visual.  Seeing what is going on gives me structure to tackle the rest of life.

My mind is spinning in a million different directions.  Today is about catching my breath and restoring some order.  I'm sure I will need to ask myself the two questions we talk about all the time at kung fu constantly today...  Where am I?  What am I doing?  I know today I will need to fight to stay present in what I am currently doing.  I know that I will need to fight to finish what I start.  Often on days like this, I will follow my mind.  As it runs here and there, I will follow it.  At the end of the day, I am exhausted and unsure of what I was even up to since nothing was finished.  This is not the pattern I plan to jump back into this year.

So where to begin?  I chose to start right here.  Monday's have proven to be the best day for me to consistently blog.  I have also found that the best time for me to blog is right after the kids catch the bus.  Next will be kung fu class.  After that...  Well, I will figure it out then, the list of things that need order in my life is unending.  I do know that the kitchen calendar is high up on that list though.

As chaotic as my thoughts are right now, it does feel good to be jumping back in.

Taking Stock...

It's the day after that day of the year...  New Year's Eve is a day filled with reflection of the past year and plans for the next.  People are vowing that this is the year they will conquer whatever has been on their list for an endless number of years.  People are ready for the fresh start that today provides.

Then they wake up...

It is so much easier to make a plan to overhaul your life when the start date is in the future.  It often a different story when you wake up in the morning and it is actually time to start.  I wonder how many people woke up this morning and today looked very much like most days of the past year.

I've spent this past week hiding from the cold and taking stock of the past year.  My journey has had some highs and some definite successes.  My journey has also been filled with obstacles and struggles, many of my own making.  When I set out on the journey called 2017, I had a picture of where I would be today.  I am definitely not where I thought I'd be.  The mental game this past year has proven to be tougher than I had anticipated.  The beauty in this is that I am still here.  I have not quit.

I've also reflected on how the calendar year and the year we use for the IHC program provide a different way of looking at growth.  Many are just starting on their new journey.  The year end for the goals that I set is actually not now, but 6+ weeks away.  The focus at this point is still on finishing what I started, not on beginnings. 

Yesterday while doing some of my reading, this verse jumped out at me.  It was a reminder to keep my eyes on finishing well.  Beginnings are exciting but how many people begin only to quit a short time later.  The beauty in the journey is pushing through, sticking with it and finishing what you start.  In many cases, I will not be finishing what I set out to do.  Lucky for me, I figured that out in November and made a game plan to continue on with those parts of my journey into the Year of the Dog.  With encouragement and a good push, I will continue on with a real plan instead of a dream goal.  I will continue to focus on this year's journey as I step towards that continuation.  Many of my goals are not going to see the ending I had hoped for but I will continue to push forward on what I started.  

In a time of fresh starts and beginnings, let us keep our eyes of sticking to what we have started and finishing well.