Taking Out the Trash

Last Friday our team was provided with an opportunity to serve our community at the Aboriginal Days celebration.  I was blessed to be able to take part.  The work was not glamorous...  Picking up garbage and empty trash cans is definitely not high profile work but it is highly necessary when you have that many people all together and especially when there is food involved.

Litter...  Definitely gets up close to the top of my pet peeves list.  I simply can't wrap my brain around how anyone feels that they have the right to just throw their garbage where ever and expect someone else to just come along and pick it up.  Really people...  Just clean up after yourselves.  The amount of litter that I see on a daily basis brings out many not so fantastic emotions in me.

On Friday, there was time to see humanity in action on this issue.  There were sweet little people who dropped their napkins or had them blown away in the wind while mom was busy attending to others.  I am happy to help out that sweet momma who is doing her best - I well remember those crazy days.  There were people (actually the majority) who diligently moved all of their trash to the garbage as soon as they were finished with it.  Yay!  There were people who just threw their orange peelings on the ground and walked away (and when they are handing out free oranges and watermelon, there were lots of peels).  I understand that they make great compost and that they are bio-degradable BUT this was not the time or the place to put that belief into practice.

One of the things that I surprised me the most was the number of half drank disposable coffee cups that were just abandoned everywhere.  I am going to make an assumption that these cups belonged to adults.  Shame on you!  In one case, it was left on the water fountain just outside the washrooms.  Definitely how to not set a good example.

Then I had other opportunities to cheer on the people around me.  One teacher hunted me down to get a garbage bag so that his class could clean up the hillside they were eating lunch on.  But my favourite story was one that I did not expect.  I was walking along the back of the building picking up bits of garbage as I made my way around.  A young fellow started picking up garbage as he walked towards me and then asked if he could put it in my bag!!!  That is awesome!

Now that I have that little rant off my chest - I want to thank the team members who were able to come out on Friday.  It was a great day out in the fresh air getting to know each of you a little bit better.  There was great conversation and laughs.  It was fantastic to see this event for the first time.  I was blown away by how well attended it was and what a great job the organizers did of putting it all together.  It was a very well run event.

Now everyone go out and do an act of kindness for our planet and pick up a piece of trash!

Mastery, Perfection, Mediocrity...

So I'm almost done the book I talked about in my last post - The Sweet Spot:  How to Find Your Groove at Home and Work.  After I finished the last post, I picked the book up again and another post started brewing in my mind.

Mastery is a journey.  It is filled with both successes and failures.  It is how we handle each failure that will define the journey and whether or not it will even continue.  This makes perfect sense to me.  There are times in my life where I feel that I have handled setbacks like a champ, pushing through and learning and growing in my journey.  In many cases these setbacks were a gift that gave me a focus.  My first year I had two major setbacks.  The second year I was still recovering from the second setback.  I started this year, year three, ready to conquer this journey.  I was healthy and for the first time truly believed that I could actually meet each of my requirements.

Here I sit...  At my computer mid-June and I have to fully admit that in most cases I am horribly behind on my requirements.  What happened?!?

With reflection I believe that there are two factors that largely have played into my current situation.  My mom says I always worked best under pressure.  The need to have a laser focus on something - like when I was fighting my way back from injury helped me push even when it was hard.  This year, I have struggled to maintain that focus without the adversity and have allowed mediocrity to slip in.

The second factor is that once again I need to acknowledge my perfectionist tendencies.  This is not a helpful tendency in any way shape or form.  As I mentioned, I started my year off physically and mentally ready for the challenge.  The perfectionist in me was whoop whooping away ready to conquer the world.  That is until I started to fall behind.  As I fell behind, that perfectionist was working hard to calculate just what was needed to catch up.  Perfection leaves no room for failure.  As that gap grew bigger and bigger, it was harder and harder to motivate that perfectionist to even do anything.  Then enter in some stinkin thinkin...  I was not very kind to myself with my thoughts which was also not very motivating.  Then on top of the rotten self-talk, came the weak excuses.  The cycle went round and round as mediocrity would win one round after another after another.

Now back to the book...  The author has a three step plan for getting back on the right path.  The first step is to feel what you feel.  This is all about mindfulness and acknowledging what is truly going on.  We can't fix what we don't bother to face but we need to do it in a non-judgemental way.  I have really struggled with the non-judgemental part personally.  The second step ties into that by untangling your thoughts.  In this step she talked a lot about replacing negative self-talk with self-compassion.  This is definitely not to be confused with making excuses but accepting "to err is human" and allowing ourselves the space and ability to move to step three.  Step three is to take responsibility and course-correct.

I still have a lot to work through in this process - most of which will likely happen in my personal journal.  You're welcome!  I will spare you all the messiness of my thought life.  I did want to share this much for a couple of reasons.  The first one is completely selfish.  I know me and I know that I am likely going to need this reminder again and again so I am recording it here for myself.  The other reason is that I know there are others of you out there who are struggling.  I want to encourage all of us to take a deep breathe, accept where we are honestly at and then truly start moving forward.  I may not meet my goals this year, but I can focus on getting a little closer each day.

It's Hard & It's Supposed To Be

I've reading this book called The Sweet Spot - How to Find Your Groove at Home and Work.  Most of what I was reading at the beginning was really things I've heard repeatedly about habits, being mindful, focusing outward.  Then this morning when I picked it up and turned the page, the chapter was called Making Hard Things Easy.  Wouldn't you know it - the whole chapter is focused on Mastery.

In her research, the author has found that masters to have three things in common.  The first is that they practice whatever they have mastered deliberately over time.  It is not about having in innate talent or skill but about having put in the time - intentionally and regularly.  The second thing was that they were driven by passion or intrinsic interest.  There has to be an internal driver to keep them going.  No one can push you into mastery and really, external drivers all wear thin and cause us to grow weary in our pursuit.  The final area was persistence when failure or difficulty arises.

So, as someone who has been chasing this concept of mastery for a few years as part of the I Ho Chuan team, none of this is a surprise.  All of this makes sense.  I can rationally think through all of it.  Yet, here I sit today and I am struggling.  I feel that this should not be so hard.  I made a list of goals that were important to me.  I have a plan, all that's left to do is execute the plan.  Why is this so hard?  The author had this quote in the book...

Developing mastery is difficult.  Deliberate practice is uncomfortable; it is often boring or frustrating or agonizing.  Being at the bottom of the learning curve can be deeply humbling.  Challenging situations - so needed for mastery - often lead to pain and failure.  Mastery may be one of the purest forms of ease, but developing mastery is hard.

Developing mastery is hard!  The fact that I am struggling is really part of the process.  Difficulty leads to growth.  This year has been the hardest one yet for me to maintain engagement in the mastery process.  I am taking encouragement in the fact that it is ok that I'm finding this hard.  I have spent some time reflecting on my goals and the why behind them.  They are still relevant and important to me.  Therefore, the next step is back to deliberate practice...

Seriously Dude....

You know the saying - Sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes your the bug...

Yes, the past couple weeks I can completely relate to that poor unsuspecting bug that is now splattered across the windshield.  Things have been particularly hard in my personal life.  My heart has been heavy and quite frankly I'm feeling much closer to maxed out than I'd like.  Then to add to the fun, my number one supporter and partner in crime has been working out of town a lot lately so I've been flying solo.  I don't really feel like getting into the details in my public journal but I have definitely spent my share of time writing in my own personal one.

As far as kung fu goes...  I am really struggling.  For the physical aspect, I am extremely grateful for classes because that is as much as I've managed the past couple weeks.  On top of the personal stuff, my hip and neck have been giving me a run for my money the past couple weeks.  For the mental aspect, I am getting a great deal of practice at managing emotions, trying to stay calm, thinking on my feet, knowing when to push forward and when to retreat.  Too bad some of that doesn't count for push ups or sit ups.

Anyways, I am off to deal with today's bowl full of fun...  My girl's Beta fish (Dude, hence the name of the blog) has picked a fine day to float on his side and occasionally thrash around looking like he's fighting for his life.  I'll be shocked if he makes it through the day.  Silly fish...  He can handle being transported to the Csillag home in -30C weather but picks this week to float on his side...  😩

Question, Reflection & Decision

Through the reading and listening that I have been doing this past year, two questions keep coming back at me.  The first one is "What size is your plate?"  The second one is "How do you want to show up in the world?"

What size is your plate?  Perhaps it is this question that put my mind into that whole buffet line with the rolling meatballs visual last week.  It is a question that needs to be answered.  The size of your plate really dictates how you should approach the buffet line of life.  For years, I have believed and lived as if I had one serious platter that I was carrying around.  The sky was the limit.  There was never the need to say no to anyone or anything.  I could do it all.  So! Not!! True!!!  The more I reflect on this question, the smaller my plate appears to be.  Honestly, I feel as though my plate is shrinking...

How do you want to show up in the world?  This question really speaks to character for me.  Not just what I say I believe but to truly live out what I believe - actually walking the walk.

I feel that these two questions compliment one another in reflecting on our lives and choices.  As I overfill my plate, I am not able to show up in the world in a way that is consistent with what I value.  I have spent a great deal of time reflecting on this and the answer seems so clear but for someone who has an imaginary platter, is so hard.  I need to learn to say no and protect my time better.  I no longer can say yes to every wonderful and awesome opportunity that presents itself.  I just need to say no!

This is so hard for me but in the past couple days I have said no twice now.  The first one was to officially step back from a weekly volunteer position that I have done for years.  I loved the time that I was able to give but in the past few months I have found that I have had to cancel more often than I have been able to show up.  My plate is too full and that is not how I want to show up in the world.  The answer was obvious that this may just not be the right season for me to be doing this activity, yet to step back was oh so hard.  The second one was just minutes ago.  I chose to say no to a personal invite that I would have loved to jump all over.  My calendar this month is pretty full and I need to protect every single bit of white space on it.  This outing fell within a white space but I chose to say no because I know that come mid-week next week, I will be wishing for more white space.  I am grateful that the friend I had to say no to struggles with many of the same battles and totally understood.

I know in both of these situations, I have made the right choice.  I asked good questions, I reflected and thought through the answers and made a good decision based on that.  In reality - it really sucks to say no!  Perhaps with time I will learn to see the freedom in this practice but honestly for today I'm feeling a few sour grapes...