An Unexpected Week

Earlier today I read Ms. Tomie's post about the lead up to her Christmas celebrations.  I have so been there.  The vision of the perfect Christmas.  Then the near death experience of trying to pull that all together.  I seriously own that T-shirt.  It made my heart break a little inside for her when I pictured her nearly killing herself to get it all just so.  I was happy to read that it had turned out purrfect in the end.


Last year I was placed on bed rest for the month on December.  I HAD to let it all go.  There was nothing perfect about the preparations.  Nothing was done the way I felt it should be and there was really nothing I could do to change that.  I was so hard on myself and really it was pointless because I had done my best.


I resolved that this year would be different.  This year the goal of course was to have a lovely Christmas for my family - lovely, not perfect.  The underlying current was that I was going to be kind to myself while doing my best.  The result was that I was learning to be happy with good enough.


This year I had some major work deadlines that needed to be met before Christmas.  This meant some longer work hours in front of my computer that my poor post concussion brain has not quite grown accustom to.  The breaks and pacing that I have been using to cope had to take a back seat along with many other things in order to finish what needed doing.  I had to carefully plan my days to make sure that everything that must be done, was getting done. 


Then....  The flu hit...  My perfectly planned universe was met by my sweet girl getting the flu bug the week before Christmas.  All I could think was ugh - how am I going to care for her, get the gift purchased and wrapped AND meet my clients deadlines.  All this stress and wasted emotion really for nothing.  She really just wanted to sleep.  The gifts did indeed all get purchased (the list was quite short this year anyway) and wrapped.  I finished up the last of my client work at around 1:00 on Christmas Eve with a cheer.


Then it was time to prepare for Christmas dinner.  One of our traditions is to have our big feast on Christmas Eve (as long as we aren't having company on the 25th) so that I do not have to cook on Christmas Day.  So I started rolling the cabbage rolls and getting our celebration ready to roll. We ate.  We hit the Christmas Eve service at church.  We came home and opened our shiny new pj's, prepared for Santa and the reindeer (even the trail of shiny reindeer food running down the driveway) and started watching a movie as a family.  Awesome!!!!!


The Christmas morning hit...  Along with the flu's next victim...  This time it was me...  I had been so pumped.  I was ready for Christmas.  I was not ready for this flu bug.  I am so grateful that my kids are older.  They were so patient with the whole gift opening process which took 10 times longer than it normally would have because mom had to keep tapping out.  Once the gifts were done I went to bed and slept.


Boxing Day arrived...  This was the day we were supposed to pack up and drive to Calgary for Christmas with my family.  That wasn't happening.  I was way to sick.  I slept through another full day with a crazy high fever.


Now this crazy flu has just settled into a cough and a runny nose but it sure did an amazing job of rearranging absolutely everything I had planned for Christmas this year.  I guess it was just a sweet reminder that it is just a day.  An even sweeter reminder that I have an amazing family who took such good care of me when I was completely sidelined.  And the silver lining is (just like Sifu Brinker requested), I believe I have this year's flu bug out of the way before the banquet.  (That is my Christmas gift to all of you.)


My extended family has been pretty amazing too.  I believe we are working to arrange another try at a Christmas gathering either tomorrow or Friday at either our house or my parent's place at Pigeon Lake.


Anyways, that was my crazy, unexpected yet surprisingly blessed week.

Precious Time

It is that time of year where we are all (or at least most of us) feel like we are losing our minds.  There is so much to do, so many people to see - and just not enough time.  Christmas is coming and all of the celebrations and preparations.  The end of the year is looming and there are all those unmet deadlines and goals. 

The past week or so I've been struggling with all of this.  There just does not seem to be enough hours to do all that I feel I must.  Then this morning as I was attempting to prepare myself to nail today's impossible to do list, there was a post on Facebook with a link to a TED talk.  My first instinct was that I don't have time to listen to a talk.  Then I reminded myself that I could do it while I cleaned the kitchen later (plus did I mention that I had found time to check Facebook)....


The perspective of this speaker really shifted my thinking - so much so that here I am writing a blog about it.  I had not planned to write a blog today but the shift in priorities was needed.  You see, there are two reasons that I have not blogged.  The first is that the past couple weeks have been tough mentally.  The second reason was that I felt there just wasn't time.  That's an excuse.  I simply did not want to blog.  I know I agreed to do it.  I know that it is so beneficial every time I do it, yet I chose to not do it under the guise that I do not have time.  This is not just the case with blogging but with all of our IHC goals. 


Today, I have time.  Today, I will place my priorities at the top of the list.  Today, I will chose to use my precious 24 hours in a way that will line up with my goals and priorities.


Anyways, I've attached the link to the TED talk below.  For those of you who feel pressed for time, I think it was only about 15 minutes long.  Take a listen while you clean the kitchen, you will be happy you did!


https://www.ted.com/talks/laura_vanderkam_how_to_gain_control_of_your_free_time#t-702324

Habits

Habit - a settled or regular tendency or practice, especially one that is hard to give up.

The past two years, the primary focus of my goals for the IHC program has been to build little habits into my life.  The end goal is to live in effortless effort - you know the state Sifu Brinker talks about where you are rocking the world and getting it all done yet it requires no real effort on your part. 


I have realized in my quest to build these habits, that I really struggle.  I can do what I am supposed to do day after day but then something upsets the applecart and it's gone in a blink.  All of the practices I have been trying to put into place fall away so fast and I feel like I am back at square one.


I have put some thought into why this happens.  First of all, it is really easy to be lazy and not do what needs doing.  The other factor that I think has really been hampering me is that I have not actually built any real habits.  There are no real triggers to the activities I am trying to incorporate - that is except the time on the clock at the end of the day as I am trying to cram in as much as I can. 


I am so blessed to have the life I have.  I get to stay home and be a mom while also running a small business.  This lifestyle brings a different, crazy schedule each and every day.  When you look at my calendar, the only constant is that there is no consistency.  My days are busy and full but the habits don't seem to be forming.  The only constant feels like my driving route to the kwoon and my white knuckles as I try to plow through my days.  Yup, no effortless effort happening here - YET!

A couple weeks ago, Mr. Helm mentioned a book called The Power of Habit.  I have picked this book up from the library and have started reading it.  So far I am only part way into chapter one.  I am definitely looking forward to getting some insight into habit forming.

Reflecting

Earlier this week the whole theme of reflecting was fresh on my mind.  It all really started with the demo on Saturday.  A year ago I was at the demo but I was sitting in the audience.  It was not that I wasn't on the team.  It was not that I didn't want to be in the demo.  It was that I was medically not allowed to perform.  I had been benched due to my concussion.  I went back and read my blogs from a year ago.  I was in a tough, hard place.  I have had so much growth in some areas, and not nearly as much growth in other areas as I would like.  I can now see this because I documented my journey.  I had an entire blog written in my head on this but then Tuesday hit and although the blog in my mind was no longer what I needed to write this week, the theme of reflecting stuck.

This has been a challenging year.  My struggles with my physical and mental health have been a large part of my year.  I have also had to deal with some other challenges.  In March, I lost a much loved friend to cancer.  Fresh on that loss, a much loved family member received their own devastating news.  Yes, cancer had struck again and this time there was nothing the doctors could do.

On Tuesday afternoon, my husband's uncle lost his battle with cancer.  Now many would think that an uncle is somewhat removed, not like immediate family.  Not many people are not very close with their uncles, especially those adopted through marriage.  It was different with Uncle Gordon.  You see, my husband lost his own father to cancer when he was very young.  Uncle stepped up to the plate and became a surrogate father.  Chad has amazing memories of camping and fishing and spending time with his uncle.  He was always there at the drop of a hat for us, just like a parent.  When it was time for them to build their retirement home out at Alberta Beach, we ended up buying their acreage - just to keep it in the family.  Everywhere we look we see his hand and love in our lives.

So as I reflect on the example that Uncle left, I honestly can only think of positive memories.  He was an amazing man, father, grandfather, uncle.  What really sticks out to me is that he never seemed to be in a hurry.  He was a regular in our kitchen, stopping in to see if we needed help with anything or just for a cup of coffee.  His life was lived with people as his focus.  He was a rock and anchor for Chad when he lost his father.  He was a rock an anchor to me when Chad was working out of town.  I have memories of spending days crawling around on the floor of our new shop zip tying tubing down to rebar for the in floor heat.  I have memories of him trying to teach me the ins and outs of the boiler system we have in our house (I am not a quick student).  Most of all I have memories of him sitting at our kitchen table regularly with a cup of coffee and a huge smile - always happy, never hurried.  I know that it brought him joy to see us raising our kids in the home he had built.

Loss has a way of making us reflect.  I want my life to be filled with the qualities that we were so blessed to see in Uncle.