Last week we were on vacation. The first day was pretty nuts. Forgot the life jackets so had to come back home to get them. Way had an allergic reaction to something and ended up with a late night trip to Rocky. Then we settled in. The next three days were pure bliss. We hung out as a family. We played crib, UNO and I have to say some very interesting games of Trouble where we embraced the spirit of the game. We sat by the fire. We walked and walked and walked. We went out on the boat. Chad took the kids for a full day. They fished and then drove into the bush to do some target practice with the .22. I walked Guiness and read.
I love camping. I love the total change of pace. I find so much peace in just being away. Did I mention, I love camping!!! I had planned to write a whole blog on that and trying to figure out how to live in my crazy world while feeling just like I do when I am gone.
Then Monday hit along with a very unexpected typhoon. We had no idea about the forecast when we went to bed on Sunday night. Packing up our campsite was horrible. The drive home was unsettling. Unpacking the trailer in the pouring rain and trying to find ways to dry out everything was enough to completely undo all of the peace that I had found in the previous three days. I was a cold and grumpy camper and my whole family knew it.
Utterly disappointed with how quickly the glow of vacation had faded, I woke up Tuesday with a serious funk fueled by anxiety. Thankfully I also had an appointment with my neuropsychologist that day as continued follow up from my concussion. I took my anxiety and disappointment with me. She imparted some wisdom that goes along with a constant theme in IHC conversations - being completely present and mindful.
Her lesson was in about changing my perspective. Vacation is fantastic. The peace and joy are fantastic. When I am blessed with these moments, I am to fully recognize and appreciate them. I can't always live on vacation. If I actually succeeded in always being on vacation, it would eventually lose it's sparkle and shine. I am to be thankful for the recharge and then accept that life is life and it is much crazier when I am not hiding out in the bush. By being mindful of where I am and what I am doing I can find that joy in my day through accepting life as it comes. I was moving through my mess but my mind was not present, it was still trying to hold onto vacation mode. These two things do not work together very well and as a result I was grumpy and resentful. Not a pretty picture.
Since that appointment, I have still struggled with letting go, accepting life as it comes and being mindful but it is a something that I am working towards.
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