It's really hard to sum up the last eight months. So little has changed around me yet so much has changed within me. There are times when I feel like I have lost so much. Other times I can see all that I have gained in lessons. The challenges have been real, hard and at times all-consuming.
Last August I felt like my world imploded when someone who perhaps should not have been driving chose to. He did not stop at a stop sign and that mistake rocked my world. Since that day I have had to work hard to heal. During this time the hardest thing was not what I needed to do to heal but what I was not able to do. I never realized how hard it was to do nothing. Then once healing hit a certain point, it was time to push again.
Yesterday I sat on the floor at the physiotherapist office and she had me say "I HAD a concussion." I no longer have a concussion. My brain has officially healed or at least has learned to compensate to a respectable level. Am I 100% awesome and ready to go? No, but I have been released into the world to start living a non-restricted life while I work my way back.
Don't get me wrong. This is AMAZING news. I just thought that it would be more freeing. Instead today it fills me with some anxiety. I have held back for so long, protected myself. The thought of not having to do that is hard to adjust to. The people who love me most celebrated and then quickly added to please be careful. This process has been so hard on all of us. Our journey as a family through this is not done. I still have work to do with a neuropsychologist to deal with the PTSD and anxiety that has also resulted from this.
For today my mantra is "I HAD a concussion." I think it may take some time to truly sink in.
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