I have been trying to formulate some sort of blog in my head all weekend. This week has been packed with happenings that could easily be turned into a blog yet here I sit staring at the computer screen.
This week has been really emotional. This week has been hard. This week I have been reminded that even though I am struggling with some health issues, I am so blessed. This week I have been the recipient of acts of kindness. This week I have seen others choose to not respond. This week has given me a lot to reflect on.
On Thursday I met with a new physiotherapist - one that the insurance company asked me to see. She specializes in concussions. That is the awesome part. The not so awesome part is she works out of Sherwood Park. I agreed to go simply because I so desperately want to get better and I do not want to leave any option uninvestigated. After a couple hours later of testing, she has determined that at least one of my vestibular reflexes is not reacting properly. This can cause dizziness, nausea, fatigue, anxiety, panic attacks just to name a few. These are all symptoms that I continue to struggle with to some degree. I have learned to control many of my symptoms by not aggravating them (read this as living in a quiet bubble). It was hard to hear that there was yet another thing wrong, yet so good to have the situation labelled and a plan of treatment being formulated. I go for a physical exertion test later this week and then I think we can get down to work. She seemed optimistic that we would be able to correct much of the issue and have me back to most of my regular life in another 6-8 weeks. Practicing patience...
As frustrating as this is, it is not life threatening. Life is providing grounding for me in this area. I have a friend who is currently fighting for her life and others who are in the process of tests and appointments to see if they too will join the fight. This grounding does come with a cost. My heart is heavy with the pain of those around me.
That all said, the biggest lesson for me this week was a reminder that even in my struggles, I am not an island. When I had a moment on Friday afternoon where I very publicly needed help, one sweet lady stepped up and was amazing. Most tried to pretend that they did not even see me. When we are in the middle of our struggles, we tend to focus in and not out. When I focus in, I focus on my own mess and most times that is not positive or productive. Instead I can choose to focus out on the people around me. I can choose to really see others and then prepare myself to be a blessing to them. The simple act of having to track my acts of kindness has shown me when my focus has been in instead of out. This week I hope to spend much of it at home but when I am out and about, I plan to keep my eyes peeled for ways to bless others.
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