"At the last meeting, Sifu Brinker encouraged each of us to document our starting point for a variety of reasons. First of all, so that we can see our growth as the year goes on. The second reason seemed even more significant... So that we have a reminder and encouragement for ourselves when the going gets tough. We were ensured that there will be times when the going is going to be tough and it is how we handle this challenge that will shape our year."
This was the first paragraph of my blog just days before the Year of the Sheep started. I had absolutely no idea just how true each every one of these words would be. It is time to reflect and look back. I went into this year with goals and expectations, hope and dreams, doubts and fear. What a crazy mixture!
The banquet was inspiring. The first couple weeks I was starting to ease into a routine that included more push-ups than I ever dreamed I would do. I was a girl with a plan and I was working the plan. Then exactly two weeks into this journey on March 4th something happened that I never ever considered. I was in the middle of the most epic flying kick. I was seriously flying. I remember hoping that someone had actually seen it. The next thing I knew I was crumpled on the ground. My landing gear had failed. The result was a full tear of my ACL in my left knee.
Early on the going got tough and I dug deep. I worked hard with my physiotherapist. I trained hard but smart. My knee healed amazing fast and with more stability that I could have ever dreamed of considering the injury. The doctors are crediting the development of just the right amount of scar tissue in just the right places. To me it didn't really matter much, all I knew was that by summer I was back on track. This huge injury had only really been a blip on my radar screen for the year. This injury gave me a hunger to get back on the mats and it gave me the confidence that I could overcome.
Everything was running fantastic! Too good to be true really! Then August 8th hit, along with a truck that failed to stop. Coming off the knee injury, I felt strong and confident that this would be yet another minor blip. My body healed quickly but my brain did not. The concussion that I received that day is still affecting every single area of my life. I am working with a great team medical professionals. Each day is a battle of pushing and resting but I am seeing progress. We are headed in the right direction.
When I read the words from my blog at the beginning of the year, it brings me to tears. I expected challenges this year. I had no idea the challenges that would be my reality. They were so different and so much bigger than I could have ever imagined. They have shaped my year along with how I have chosen to handle them. It has been a fight to stay positive. I am so grateful for my family and my Silent River family. The support that each person has shown me through this year has been amazing. Your encouragement has kept me going.
This year I did not rack up 50,000 of anything. I do not have huge numbers to show. I am not in the best shape of my life. I am not even in better shape than I was a year ago. What I have to take away from this year is so much more than any single accomplishment. At this start of the year I was feeling the weight of doubt and a serious lack of self confidence. This year I have found a new inner strength that I will be able to take with me through my entire life. I have found a fight and a determination (some would say stubbornness). I have found a love for kung fu, one that can only be fully realized once you have spent as much time as I have watching from the sidelines aching to get on the mats. These are deeper lessons that will serve me in every part of my life for the rest of my life.
Saturday 30 January 2016
Sunday 24 January 2016
Kindness Matters
I have been trying to formulate some sort of blog in my head all weekend. This week has been packed with happenings that could easily be turned into a blog yet here I sit staring at the computer screen.
This week has been really emotional. This week has been hard. This week I have been reminded that even though I am struggling with some health issues, I am so blessed. This week I have been the recipient of acts of kindness. This week I have seen others choose to not respond. This week has given me a lot to reflect on.
On Thursday I met with a new physiotherapist - one that the insurance company asked me to see. She specializes in concussions. That is the awesome part. The not so awesome part is she works out of Sherwood Park. I agreed to go simply because I so desperately want to get better and I do not want to leave any option uninvestigated. After a couple hours later of testing, she has determined that at least one of my vestibular reflexes is not reacting properly. This can cause dizziness, nausea, fatigue, anxiety, panic attacks just to name a few. These are all symptoms that I continue to struggle with to some degree. I have learned to control many of my symptoms by not aggravating them (read this as living in a quiet bubble). It was hard to hear that there was yet another thing wrong, yet so good to have the situation labelled and a plan of treatment being formulated. I go for a physical exertion test later this week and then I think we can get down to work. She seemed optimistic that we would be able to correct much of the issue and have me back to most of my regular life in another 6-8 weeks. Practicing patience...
As frustrating as this is, it is not life threatening. Life is providing grounding for me in this area. I have a friend who is currently fighting for her life and others who are in the process of tests and appointments to see if they too will join the fight. This grounding does come with a cost. My heart is heavy with the pain of those around me.
That all said, the biggest lesson for me this week was a reminder that even in my struggles, I am not an island. When I had a moment on Friday afternoon where I very publicly needed help, one sweet lady stepped up and was amazing. Most tried to pretend that they did not even see me. When we are in the middle of our struggles, we tend to focus in and not out. When I focus in, I focus on my own mess and most times that is not positive or productive. Instead I can choose to focus out on the people around me. I can choose to really see others and then prepare myself to be a blessing to them. The simple act of having to track my acts of kindness has shown me when my focus has been in instead of out. This week I hope to spend much of it at home but when I am out and about, I plan to keep my eyes peeled for ways to bless others.
This week has been really emotional. This week has been hard. This week I have been reminded that even though I am struggling with some health issues, I am so blessed. This week I have been the recipient of acts of kindness. This week I have seen others choose to not respond. This week has given me a lot to reflect on.
On Thursday I met with a new physiotherapist - one that the insurance company asked me to see. She specializes in concussions. That is the awesome part. The not so awesome part is she works out of Sherwood Park. I agreed to go simply because I so desperately want to get better and I do not want to leave any option uninvestigated. After a couple hours later of testing, she has determined that at least one of my vestibular reflexes is not reacting properly. This can cause dizziness, nausea, fatigue, anxiety, panic attacks just to name a few. These are all symptoms that I continue to struggle with to some degree. I have learned to control many of my symptoms by not aggravating them (read this as living in a quiet bubble). It was hard to hear that there was yet another thing wrong, yet so good to have the situation labelled and a plan of treatment being formulated. I go for a physical exertion test later this week and then I think we can get down to work. She seemed optimistic that we would be able to correct much of the issue and have me back to most of my regular life in another 6-8 weeks. Practicing patience...
As frustrating as this is, it is not life threatening. Life is providing grounding for me in this area. I have a friend who is currently fighting for her life and others who are in the process of tests and appointments to see if they too will join the fight. This grounding does come with a cost. My heart is heavy with the pain of those around me.
That all said, the biggest lesson for me this week was a reminder that even in my struggles, I am not an island. When I had a moment on Friday afternoon where I very publicly needed help, one sweet lady stepped up and was amazing. Most tried to pretend that they did not even see me. When we are in the middle of our struggles, we tend to focus in and not out. When I focus in, I focus on my own mess and most times that is not positive or productive. Instead I can choose to focus out on the people around me. I can choose to really see others and then prepare myself to be a blessing to them. The simple act of having to track my acts of kindness has shown me when my focus has been in instead of out. This week I hope to spend much of it at home but when I am out and about, I plan to keep my eyes peeled for ways to bless others.
Sunday 17 January 2016
I Can Do This!
This week I finished reading Intentional Living: Choosing a Life That Matters by John Maxwell. What a great, practical read. I can't even remember why it first requested it from the library but I am sure happy I did. The parallels between the teachings in this book and the principles of the I Ho Chuan were evident page after page.
One of the principles that hit home hardest was that in order to live intentionally and add value to the life of others, I must first value myself.
"It's impossible to consistently behave in a way that is inconsistent with how we feel about ourselves on the inside. Self image dictates daily behaviour. How we see ourselves regulates what we consistently do. "
Looking back to a year ago it's hard to believe all that has changed. I was tired of living scared. I was ready for change. I thought I was insane for jumping into something that looked clearly impossible. 50,000 push-ups! A year ago I could hardly do 3 great push-ups in a row. A year later, I am physically in much the same place. Yet mentally I am miles ahead. I now know I can do 50,000. Even with all my challenges this year, I did more push-ups that I could have fathomed back then. I had to fight my lack of belief daily but in that fight I found I can do so much more than I imagined. Now that I have that sense of self belief, there will be no stopping me once I am healthy! This is a gift that I am taking with me into the Year of the Monkey.
One of the principles that hit home hardest was that in order to live intentionally and add value to the life of others, I must first value myself.
"It's impossible to consistently behave in a way that is inconsistent with how we feel about ourselves on the inside. Self image dictates daily behaviour. How we see ourselves regulates what we consistently do. "
How I see myself has been a constant struggle in my life. It has dictated so many decisions, actions and lack there of. It has caused me to do many things for all the wrong reasons. It has caused me to not do too many things because of self doubt. The IHC was nearly one of those things.
Looking back to a year ago it's hard to believe all that has changed. I was tired of living scared. I was ready for change. I thought I was insane for jumping into something that looked clearly impossible. 50,000 push-ups! A year ago I could hardly do 3 great push-ups in a row. A year later, I am physically in much the same place. Yet mentally I am miles ahead. I now know I can do 50,000. Even with all my challenges this year, I did more push-ups that I could have fathomed back then. I had to fight my lack of belief daily but in that fight I found I can do so much more than I imagined. Now that I have that sense of self belief, there will be no stopping me once I am healthy! This is a gift that I am taking with me into the Year of the Monkey.
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