Reality check - Reevaluating the past week

In last week's blog I had a little pep talk with myself about being excellent instead of worrying about being perfect.  My numbers this week were on the most part quite outstanding.  On paper it would look like my journey is headed in the right direction.  I had even written a blog post in my head this morning about how wonderful my week was.  Then I received some perspective this afternoon and I am now unable to write that blog.


As you all know, I have been dealing with a few issues relating to my car accident in August.  This past week had many positive moments in light of all of those struggles.  I graduated from physio for the whiplash.  I do have this lovely torture device to continue working out kinks going forward but I am so happy to have that all behind me.
 
The other major issue was the concussion that I sustained that day.  I find this one harder to talk about.  I was raised in a mind over matter home.  Have a warm shower, put on a smile and eventually how you feel with catch up with your attitude.  Sometimes this works, sometimes it just doesn't.


Today at the urging of some people much wiser than myself, I went to see a clinical neuropsychologist about my poor brain.  Lately I have been feeling so much better.  I even have had many moments where I have felt more like myself.  I almost cancelled the appointment thinking it would be a waste of time and money.  Turns out, it's a good thing I went. 


My concussion is starting to heal.  That's the good news.  The bad news is that it is not gone and I am actually heading into one of the most important and most challenging parts of the healing process.  The part where you feel like your old self but you really are not ready to jump fully into life with both feet quite yet.


So what did that look like this week...  I had moments of great clarity.  I had moments of complete scramble.  I had moments where I was able to push myself physically and really get some great numbers in.  I had other moments where I was hardly able to get out of bed due to fatigue.  I had moments where I was calmly able to go about my day.  I had moments where I was so irritable that I could hardly stand myself.  Really doesn't sound too terribly abnormal in many cases until you have the connection pointed out.  The positive highs were always followed by a low after I tried to do too much.


So what is too much?  I really don't know for sure.  I know that what I did this week is too much for right now.  I have been assured that if I can just behave myself that this will finish healing likely in the next few months.  I have also been assured that if I continue to push my way through this, like it is not happening, that I am not only slowing down the healing, I am outright preventing it.  The prescription is rest, rest and more rest.  The care plan I received has the warning to gradually return to daily activities as my symptoms decrease.  Not to barrel back into them and hope that my poor brain can keep up.  This is not what I wanted to hear.  I just want all of this to be over.  I want my old life back.  I want to push towards mastery.  For now I will have to settle for baby steps in the right direction.  


Here are my YTD totals as of the end of week 38:
Push ups             26,104
Sit ups                29,985
Kempo                  259
Staff                      375
Sparring                550
KM                       607.0
AoK                     736
Personal Goals:
Gratitude Journal  739
Piano                     48 hours
Books finished       21 
Daily fruit - 186 days
365 photo challenge - 140 days
Daily journal - 228 days