Learning to Embrace Rest

This week I have really struggled to write my blog post.  The main purpose of blogging is to document our journey's - first for ourselves and then for others.  For my own sake, I want to focus on the positive parts of my journey.  It's like my own personal weekly pep talk.  This week I desperately need to be able to give myself a pep talk but I've had troubles finding a way to approach that.


Back at the end of July I wrote a post on a book I had read.  It was about being addicted to busy and finding rest.  One of the warning issued by the book was to rest before life forces you to.  I am right smack dab in the middle of a forced rest.  This is a rest that I am struggling to embrace.


Since I am not able to find the words to give myself much of a pep talk, instead I will be honest about where I am at right now.  I love being a part of the I Ho Chuan team.  One of the things that I have been struggling with is letting down the team.


That said, I need to put myself first.  My doctor has recommended that I rest as much as possible, and by rest she means horizontal with my eyes shut.  I need to avoid getting my heart rate up.  I need to rest my poor brain as much as possible.  Many of the ways that I have used my entire life to manage stress have been placed on hold.  I have had a cognitive brain function assessment and the results were not very good.  It explains the brain fog and my inability to function the way that I always have.  The bonus is, that brains heal.  I just need to give mine a chance.  Then just to throw some fun into the mix, they also diagnosed depression which apparently is pretty common in this situation. 


Trying to process all of this has been very hard.  I have had to take a good look at my goals and then release myself from the pursuit of some of them.  That is the only way that I am going to be able to slow down and rest like I need to.  This most certainly is NOT the year I had planned when I signed up a year ago but this is my reality today and I need to learn to embrace that.  That said, I am not quitting.  I will still be at the kwoon.  I may or may not be on the mats but I will be there.  Not only am I going to be there for the remainder of this year but I have talked to Sifu Brinker about next year's team.