Intentional vs Busy

It is one of the most commonly used words people use to describe life today - busy...

Busy is defined as having a great deal to do or to keep occupied.

We all have a great deal to do.  We all wear many hats.  We are all good at keeping ourselves occupied.  We are all busy.

But are we all being intentional?

Intentional is defined as being deliberate or done on purpose.

There is a huge difference between living a busy life and living with intentional.  Intent has been a key focus in classes lately.  We are asked to focus ourselves in a particular direction - to do the techniques with purpose.  This is a lesson that I am continually trying to pull into the rest of my life.

It is easy to be busy.  I wear many hats.  I can keep myself moving along at quite a pace and stay busy all day long.  Some days I looked back and I can see all sorts of progress and accomplishment.  Then there are the other days where I can't really remember what I have done and I have left a trail of half done life.  My squirrel brain far too often defaults to this type of living.  I can relate to the book "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie" by Laura Numeroff.  If you haven't read this delightful picture book - just google it, there are tons of YouTube videos reading it out.  It truly describes many days in my life and I know that I am not alone.  Each moment is a distraction from the last moment.  It is easy to be busy doing stuff but is it the right stuff?

I have been working hard to shift from busy to intentional in how I live.  Keeping my eyes not only on where I am but where I want to be.  I keep asking myself the questions - Where am I?  What am I doing? 

I make myself short lists to keep myself accountable and to give myself a focus to draw back to.  I listened to a podcast yesterday that spoke specifically about this.  She recommended keeping your to do list really short and really doable because when you write it down on your to do list for today, it becomes a promise to yourself that you are going to get it done.  When we don't complete what is on our lists, we are breaking promises to ourselves.  Unfortunately, this is a bad habit that I have personally formed.  I will bend over backwards to keep my word to others but I break commitments I make to myself all the time.  Shorter lists will mean less broken promises.

I set a very specific intention for this year.  My intent was to be on the mats on grading day.  In order to make this a reality, I need to start living intentionally today and each and every day between now and that date.  The struggle has been this is not the only area of life where I need to live with great intention.  This means constant evaluation of all my hats and honestly does not allow for any random busyness.  Every single moment must be focused on doing the next right thing on one area or another of my life.  If I truly live with great intent focusing where I must, I will see results that I can look back on and feel good about.  For today, that looks like writing this blog, cleaning my bathrooms, finishing a book club book and doing some math with my girl, working on the bookkeeping of a specific client and of course doing my requirements for the IHC.  Nothing truly huge or glamorous but all very necessary to the life that is important to me.  Once these are done, then I can look around and figure out what the next right steps for the remainder of my day are.  Keeping my focus in each moment, breathing deeply at times and making that next right step.

Still Here but Still Struggling....

It has been a month since my last blog.  I was struggling mentally but chose to just do the next right thing even though I really didn't feel like I had much to share.  The hope was that as I continued to make those next right steps that things would start to improve.  That was not the case....

The week following that blog was mentally one of my hardest.  There just seems to be things coming from every direction and I have been mentally and emotionally very limited in my ability to cope with all of it with much grace.  The result was that I had to pull way back.  When you fly they always tell people to put on their own oxygen masks before they assist others.  As a momma and someone who cares very deeply about others, I find this hard but it has become very necessary.

What does this look like?  Sometimes it has meant making it to kung fu classes.  Sometimes it looks like not being able to step into the kwoon because I feel unable to handle the noise and busyness of the environment.  Many days it has looked like having an afternoon nap, heading to bed early and therapy sessions with my pup.  Somedays I laugh, many I cry.  I have tried to not have my struggles affect the people around me, especially my family, but I know that I am failing at that.

Where does this place me on my journey this year?  Well definitely not where I planned to be!  Thankfully I have learned that you can set goals for your year but you rarely end up exactly where you planned irregardless of whether you are on track or not.  I am not on track but I do make progress most days.  I have not given up.  I have been avoiding journalling and blogging because I do not particularly like to record the yuck but I know that this is a tool I need to start using in order to start managing my own head space.  Will I be grading this year?  This door has not been closed but I have not been able to make it a focus either.  I will use the tools given to me to deal with the mental issues while also working through the physical symptoms that have started to pop up as a result.  I will just have to see where this journey leads me...

In the meantime, I am off to the lab....  And perhaps some garden therapy....