Finding Value in Your Story

I have been giving some serious thought lately to the value of keeping a journal.  This is one topic that seems to come up very regularly.  Rarely does a month go by without a poke that we need to be consistently documenting our journey.

I definitely see the value in keeping a journal.  For the majority of the first two years of my IHC journey I faithfully kept a daily journal.  I would write about the highs and lows of the day.  I would write down my acts of kindness.  I would write about what I have to be grateful for.  This was the one requirement that really helped me stay engaged.  It kept my heart and mind in the game.

This summer I have allowed mediocrity to slip in and the journalling has stopped.  If this is the number one requirement that keeps me engaged - why have I allowed this to happen?  The answer is complicated.

I did go back and read my journals for the past two years.  They hold so much...  My journey has not been easy.  They are filled with truimphs and tears and then more tears and frustration and overwhelm.  I had no idea of what life would look like when I signed up yet I am so grateful that I did.  The people, the requirements, the accountability has often been what has kept me putting one foot in front of the other.  My journals tell a hard, emotional story of someone who just refused to give up.  The story is mine yet it is not one I would have chosen.  I suppose I would have chosen an easier journey filled with mountain top experiences.  That easier story would not be filled with the hard lessons I have learned and the internal strength I have had to find.  Perhaps with time I grow to truly appreciate that story but as of late it has left me feeling a wee bit funky.

Yet, here I sit with my journal and I just can't seem to open it and put pen to paper.  That inability to act has then seeped into other areas of my journey.  I know what I need to do.  I need to just go open it.

The irony of the whole situation is that my sister bought me this journal specifically for this purpose.  This is a picture of the front cover.  For the past month I have allowed that cover to intimidate me instead of motivate me.  So...  I'm going to go sit down and write for at five minutes before I get ready to head to class.

Life Really Did Happen...

Anniversaries have a way of bringing about an array of emotions.  There are happy anniversaries like wedding anniversaries, the birth of a child or other major life milestones reached.  There are hard anniversaries like the death of a loved one.  The one thing they all have in common is that each one signals a significant life change for the people who continue to be impacted throughout the years.

For our family, today is one of those anniversaries.  For me in particular it is a hard one.  Two years ago the life of my family was altered in a split second when someone failed to slow down for a stop sign.  I could have never imagined the path that our family would travel after.

I am physically as healed as I am ever going to be but I am different.  I know that we are all different at the end of each day than we are when we start but this is much more pronounced that those types of changes.  I have a new brain and some days I still struggle as I am learning how to best operate it.  The journey has been hard but I have learned so much about myself and my family in the process.

The past few weeks have been especially hard.  I would have thought at this stage of the game it would be easier but it has not been.  I have been working with a lawyer to finish up my claim.  Unfortunately, that is an extremely negative process.  I have had to document all the time I've spent in appointments and the negative impacts that accident has had on my life.  I have had to go back and read my old journals with the focus of looking for the hard - documenting the overwhelm, anxiety and depression that have been part of the past two years.  I have had to read letters written by professionals who have treated me documenting the long term impacts they foresee for my mental health.  It has been very hard to keep myself in a good headspace while doing this.  Reliving the negative moments has greatly impacted my life.

That day I took a few moments to write a blog.  I am so grateful that I did.  That day I chose to focus on gratitude.  Today I needed to be reminded that even in the hard, there are things to be grateful for.  There is always something to be grateful for.  Sometimes you just need to look a little harder...


http://kbergie.blogspot.ca/2015/08/life-happened.html